I really hate to wait...

jenniferg2013 · May 2011

My fiance and I are not getting married until summer 2013, choosing to wait since I have a year of school left and he will start law school in the fall. My parents have told me that they plan on paying for our wedding and have given us a figure to work with. I am very appreciative of this, especially since I planned on paying for it myself. My fiance has mentioned that his parents paid for his brothers' rehearsal dinner and alcohol tab from the reception when he got married almost 10 years ago, and he has said that he thinks they would do the same for us. I can see that it is rude to ask about these things, but knowing would really help me get some serious planning done this summer before I have to focus all of my energy on finishing school. I mainly want to choose a venue which will be impacted by his parents offering to help out, and I don't want to sacrifice on a venue if next summer they offer to help out. I thought having a long time to plan would help decrease stress but I see I may be wrong.

ahhhitsshannyn · May 2011

I do not think you should really do any planning this far out. Venues can close, change prices, get new ownership, or any other multitude of things. You can start compiling places that you may be interested in and go from there.

As far as the money thing, plan the wedding you guys can afford. Do not ask for money, and if they give it, it is just a bonus. Just because they gave money at the brothers wedding does not mean they can and will give you guys the same.

jenniferg2013 · May 2011

I guess I really didn't ask a question, I was just hoping for some pointers on what I can plan possibly since I won't ask his parents.

LovinLong11 · May 2011

vegas.

baystateapple · May 2011

Congratulations on your engagement! And yes, I can see that it would be frustrating to wait.

Don't plan on getting any money from his parents until they offer. Budget for a reception hall that you can afford with the money your parents have offered. A lot can happen in 10 years and his parents may not be financially able to fund that amount of money towards your wedding...or any money. Budget what you know you can afford without their help. Also, you have plenty of time and you don't need to book a reception hall for at least a year from now.

emilyinchile · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-hate-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1f2441e0-f947-4b61-b9a1-dd2950f5dad1Post:e84f0589-4df0-4218-805d-2a147520bc24">I really hate to wait...</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are not getting married until summer 2013, choosing to wait since I have a year of school left and he will start law school in the fall. My parents have told me that they plan on paying for our wedding and have given us a figure to work with. I am very appreciative of this, especially since I planned on paying for it myself. My fiance has mentioned that his parents paid for his brothers' rehearsal dinner and alcohol tab from the reception when he got married almost 10 years ago, and he has said that he thinks they would do the same for us. I can see that it is rude to ask about these things, but knowing would really help me get some serious planning done this summer before I have to focus all of my energy on finishing school. I mainly want to choose a venue which will be impacted by his parents offering to help out, and I don't want to sacrifice on a venue if next summer they offer to help out. I thought having a long time to plan would help decrease stress but I see I may be wrong.
Posted by jenniferg2013[/QUOTE]

Nope, you really can't bring this up with his parents beyond very general sharing of your budget and hoping they take the chance to chime in with "oh, speaking of that, we'd like to pay for X."

I also don't think you should lock yourselves int oa venur two years out. Just go about your daily lives for the next 6 months to a year, and then revisit all this stuff.

opalsky007 · May 2011

I agree. A lot can happen in two years. Why not just enjoy being engaged, focus on school for now, and start planning after you finish? You'll still have a whole year left, and unless you're in a super-busy area, you should still have your pick of most venues and vendors.

The other option is to start planning, and keep in mind that your rehearsal dinner doesn't necessarily have to be super-fancy. You could keep it casual and plan on having pizza or barbecue, which wouldn't take much out of your budget. Then, if the in-laws offer, you can upgrade it to something nicer.

pinkpinot · May 2011

Is there really much pre planning you can do this summer anyway? Two years is a long time. At this point just save all the money you can in the event they do not offer to pay for anything.

emilyinchile · May 2011

Also, if they'd be paying for the RD and alcohol, I feel like you can still choose your venue if you have to do it now. Your RD can be pizza at your place or a park or somewhere, so that shouldn't affect your budget too much if you have to pay for it. And as far as alcohol goes, you can always choose a venue you like with a less alcohol package (wine and beer) and then upgrade that to a full open bar if you end up having more money for it.

baystateapple · May 2011

Ditto the suggestions of PP: Don't book anything right now. Your mind will probably change a LOT with a two year engagement. I know mine did with a 16-month engagement, about everything from flowers to colors to my dress, to where we should get married, etc. If you lock everything in too early, you might regret it.

If you want to do any wedding brainstorming, clip pictures from magazines or print articles from the Internet. Make a big binder and go through it every so often. Then when the time comes to pick out a dress/colors/flowers/a caterer, you can look back and see if your tastes have changed or if you really have your heart set on those ideas. And it will help your FI to be able to visualize what you want, so you two can hopefully get on the same page.

noodle_oo · May 2011

Yeah, I agree, it is way too early to plan anything. Wait until 2012 to start looking at venues and planning. So much can change between now and then, both wth you guys and with your parents. Including financial situations. What if his parents offer to hlep, but then by 2013 they acn't afford to do it anymore? The tough part about being engaged that long (i think) is that you want to start doing stuff, but it really is way too early.

Also, there is no way to ask his parents if they are going to contribute, especially 2 years out! They probalby aren't even thinking about it now. I think you shoudl plan on a budget that you guys can afford on your own and then if they offer to help, that is just a bonus (spend the extra on your honeymoon!).

pinkpinot · May 2011

Just keep in mind that for many people what they had 10 years ago in terms of savings, investments & properties is now gone or significantly decreased in value due to the difficult economy we've experienced for the past few years. In the event they don't offer any money just try to remember they may not have the ability to do for you both what they did for your FI's sibling's wedding.

lazydayz2003 · May 2011

My FI and I planned on paying for our wedding ourselves so we did what we could afford. About 3 months prior to the wedding his parents said that they would cover the alcohol and rehearsal dinner. We weren't expecting anything so it's just a bonus and the extra money we are saving is now going towards our honeymoon. Congrats on the engagement!

Brandiewine11 · May 2011

Start looking at things and putting together ideas, but this summer is WAY too early to book anything at all as a lot can happen in that amount of time. I know waiting is hard, but 12-18 months (max) is plenty of time to book a venue and get the real work done. (As a reference, I booked my venue 15 months in advance b/c fall is peak season where we live. That was plenty of time).

phunluvin82 · May 2011

I agree with PP that if you start booking things this far out, you could regret it later in terms of changing your mind about wedding concept, size, etc...any number of things. Start out with just simple brainstorming and collecting info/pricing from places without locking yourself into anything just yet.

That being said...if you are set on planning now, the 'plan for your current budget, and everything else is a bonus' advice is also good advice. I'm one week out and take it from me, it is very easy for estimated costs to end up running over. If his parents offer up some $ later, you will simply have a nice cushion for items possibly going over budget, or for a guest list that is swelling past what you originally budgeted for (this happened to me). Also, like PP said, you can always use any additional $$ for upgrades...a better food/drink 'package', a fancier RD, or a longer HONEYMOON

misscyndikalene · May 2011

Agree with everyone else. Your taste and opinions may change and you may want a completely different vision 1 year from now then what you current like. I know I jumped the gun on my venue and kinda wish I would have taken more time to look around.

mica178 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-hate-wait?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1f2441e0-f947-4b61-b9a1-dd2950f5dad1Post:e84f0589-4df0-4218-805d-2a147520bc24">I really hate to wait...</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are not getting married until summer 2013, choosing to wait since I have a year of school left and he will start law school in the fall. My parents have told me that they plan on paying for our wedding and have given us a figure to work with. I am very appreciative of this, especially since I planned on paying for it myself. My fiance has mentioned that his parents paid for his brothers' rehearsal dinner and alcohol tab from the reception when he got married almost 10 years ago, and he has said that he thinks they would do the same for us. I can see that it is rude to ask about these things, but knowing would really help me get some serious planning done this summer before I have to focus all of my energy on finishing school. I mainly want to choose a venue which will be impacted by his parents offering to help out, and <strong>I don't want to sacrifice on a venue if next summer they offer to help out. </strong>I thought having a long time to plan would help decrease stress but I see I may be wrong.
Posted by jenniferg2013[/QUOTE]

You can start looking at stuff so you can get an idea of budget and what you like and don't like. There's nothing wrong with that.

I wouldn't count on your FILs paying for the RD unless they offer it outright. When it is closer to your actual date, start planning the RD that you can afford. If your FILs step in and offer to pay, great -- you can use the money you put aside for your HM or savings or upgrades on the wedding. If they don't, at least you were prepared.

Oh, and unless they've offered to pay and have given you a budget, I wouldn't expect that the RD that they throw to be any fancier than the one you'd throw.

jenniferg2013 · May 2011

Thank you all very much. I really appreciate the thoughts! I definitely am not expecting my FILs to help at all, especially since they just purchased a vacation home, I'm just keeping my fingers crossed!

The only reason I was even thinking about booking a venue is that everywhere I have talked to guaranteed to lock in current pricing for me, so I figured this would be one way to save some money. And I guess you all are right that unexpected money down the road would be a wonderful bonus. So I'll just remain patient with everything and keep my fingers still crossed really tightly.

Birdie1483 · May 2011

Unless you're 1000% sure you want that venue, I would wait to book. I've heard the "lock in current prices" thing a million times, but then I wonder how much they would really go up in a year. I think if you waited until next summer to book, you would be fine.

We're having a 15 months engagement and I can't remember what I did 10 months ago right after we got engaged. I also worried about planning certain things because I was worried my mind would change. I would do like PP said and enjoy your engagement, gather ideas, save to pay for the RD yourself and then if your FIL's gift you the RD then you'll have all of that money saved for something else!

Ghoti · May 2011

Honestly, I would basically enjoy being engaged and forget planning for another year. I changed my mind so many times in my 2 year engagement (including moving the date up 5 months!) that any initial planning was just a waste of time.

JanoBean75 · May 2011

I wouldn't make any final plans this far out. But you could scout around and get pricing (which may change in two years) for the venue, invitations, flowers, photography, etc. Figure out the average amount of people you wish to invite and get estimates where you can -- that will help you finalize your budget. Keep in mind your tastes may change in two years. The color combination you love now might be completely different from what you will love two years from now.

Have fun being engaged!

jenniferg2013 · May 2011

Again, thank you all so much! My mind has really been set at ease over this.

I really hate to wait...

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