my gay BFF & my wedding party

kimannjosouth · July 2012

Hey all! I am still freshly engaged and surprised and happy and excited to start planning my wedding...

FI knows that I want my gay BFF in the wedding party, but we had a slight disagreement last night on what this meant for the wedding party in total.

While I have read through posts saying it's totally okay to have an unsymmetrical wedding party, I'd like to get some details on how that can "work" in the most comfortable way for all.

We are having a very DIY/non-traditional wedding, but I don't wany my BFF to "stick out" TOO MUCH (obviously, he will be a dude on the bride's side

which is untraditional!) or feel awkward, most importantly. He isn't the type who would mind "sticking out", and I think he will be thrilled when I ask him to be in my wedding, but any advice here on logistics? I was thinking it would be weird to have him walking back up the aisle alone after the deed is done, for example-- any specifics on how to avoid something like this?

THANKS IN ADVANCE to anyone who has any friendly tips! And also thanks to all the great advice in previous posts that I've read through that have made me feel better about lack of symmetry/non-gender matching.

artbyallie · July 2012

It's fine. He can walk a bridesmaid in or walk beside a groomsmen if you have the groomsmen process in. If you have all the guys already up front, he can be up front on the bride's side or he can walk in with a bridesmaid or alone.

For the recessional, you can have everyone walk alone, alternating sides or going one side at a time. They just walk right out in a line. Or walk out the same way they came in, whatever. I don't get how any of this could be weird.

OliveOilsMom · July 2012

You can always get him the same tux/suit as the GM will wear, but have his tie match the BMs' dresses. He can still process out next to a GM, they just wouldn't link arms up like when BM & GM process out.

I have heard of some great names for males that stand on the brides' side. I think I like Man of Honor best though.

I would also let him easily back out, if he doesn't want to be singled out as a man on the bride's side. Just be up front when you ask him, that he would be standing on your side. And if he does want to back out, let him do a reading or something during the ceremony, so he knows how special he is to you.

aragx6 · July 2012

Honestly I don't think anyone looks at the wedding party as they recess out. It's all about the B&G during that time. Don't ovrthink it -- just do what makes you and your friend comfortable!

jemmini6 · July 2012

Will you have even sides and are just concerned with him walking with another man, or are you having uneven sides as well? Regardless, PP's have given good options. I've also seen weddings where the GM don't process up the aisle, but are already waiting with the groom, and the BMs walk alone, so that might be another option, your BFF can walk alone just like the other bridal attendents.

gcoker · July 2012

My gay BFF is my Man of Honor. The Groom and the groomsmen will already be at the alter waiting. He will walk in alone, just like the other bridesmaids. Our sides are uneven though. There are 3 groomsmen and 4 on my side. When we walk out, he will just walk single again.

GoodLuckBear14 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_my-gay-bff-my-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:bc13486b-504b-4b0a-bdf3-1ec0e3059695Post:6d5550da-f425-4ecb-884c-b142887cf698">Re: my gay BFF & my wedding party</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>My gay BFF is my Man of Honor</strong>. The Groom and the groomsmen will already be at the alter waiting. He will walk in alone, just like the other bridesmaids. Our sides are uneven though. There are 3 groomsmen and 4 on my side. When we walk out, he will just walk single again.
Posted by gcoker[/QUOTE]

wtf does it matter if he is gay or straight? I didn't realize this was a requirement to be BFFs with a guy. Guess I'll have to tell one of my BFFs (whose wedding I was in and served as the Best Woman) who happens to be straight that we cannot be friends anymore. Next time, cc me on the damn memo please.

aerinpegadrak · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_my-gay-bff-my-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bc13486b-504b-4b0a-bdf3-1ec0e3059695Post:0abf94fd-7b44-44e2-bf2a-382b32672488">Re: my gay BFF & my wedding party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: my gay BFF & my wedding party : And THIS is why I love you. I was trying not to be the nag who kept harping on it, since I'd already brought it up once in this thread, but thankyouthankyouthankyou. This need to justify having a guy stand on the bride's side by adding that he's gay is super offensive to me, my MoH (who, yes, does happen to be gay) and both my bridesmen (who are straight).
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Ditto this. My brother stood on my side, and he's straight. Why bring up the sexuality at all? It's not remotely relevant.

Lolagirl2012 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_my-gay-bff-my-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bc13486b-504b-4b0a-bdf3-1ec0e3059695Post:8c5255e7-d269-48de-9fbc-c8ed9f8eae59">Re: my gay BFF & my wedding party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: my gay BFF & my wedding party : wtf does it matter if he is gay or straight? I didn't realize this was a requirement to be BFFs with a guy. Guess I'll have to tell one of my BFFs (whose wedding I was in and served as the Best Woman) who happens to be straight that we cannot be friends anymore. Next time, cc me on the damn memo please.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

THANK YOU! I was reading the top of this post and was getting so frustrated. He's your friend, he does not need to labeled as your gay friend. I don't call my friends who are different than me by their differences, aka my black friend, my skinny friend. You shouldn't either.

StephBeanWed61502 · July 2012

My brother is my MOH. He is wearing the same tux as the groomsmen, but with a tie that matches the bridesmaids' dresses. As for the processional, we're going to have the best man at the altar with FI before the ceremony starts, then the groomsmen will walk the BMs in and my brother will process in solo. On the way back down the aisle, he'll just walk next to the best man, and he'll do the same when announced at the reception. Since FI and I don't actually want to force our nearest and dearest into awkward social situations, we're skipping any kind of bridal party dance. Oh, and since we're tossing sexual orientation information around willynilly, everyone in my bridal party is straight. But I have gay friends, so I'm still cool, I swear.

kimannjosouth · July 2012

thanks all

very helpful.

...he refers to himself as "your gay bff", so it didn't seem odd when i posted the title, but i do understand that it doesn't "matter". [see NWR pic below!] it also seemed perhaps more relevant than it actually is. to note, my concerns stemmed from the fact that i have only been to one [very lovely and amazing and maybe my favorite but] untraditional wedding where there was a "Man of a Honor" (and then no on one the groom's side--) every other wedding i've been to has had the traditional x amount of girls on the bride's side, x amount of boys on the groom's side. so doing something 'different' may seem odd to many in my family. (this does not mean that i will hesitate to do it the way FI & I want.)

NWR: have you guys seen this? i reposted it via facebook. it made me pretty happy. agh the print is really small, i'm not sure if you'll be able to read it...

it makes me insanely happy, and goes along with the labeling thing. here's the text from it:

"Johnny Galecki, regarding rumors about him being gay."

"I've never really addressed those rumors because I've always figured why defend yourself against something that's not offensive"

#SWOON! #WIN!

daffydillie · July 2012

I had a Man of Honor in my first wedding. He however walked me down the aisle. He and the Best Man escorted the Matron of Honor out. It was pretty hysterical.

tidetravel · July 2012

As far as listing him in the program, you could use Man of Honor, but we just listed everyone under "Bride's Attendants" and "Groom's Attendants," as we had a mixed gender wedding party.

guardiangel6386 · July 2012

I'm having my best guy friend on my side for my wedding.He is considered my bridesman and the GMs will be standing up front so my side will walk in by themselves.As far as leaving he will be escorting my mom out of the ceremony while two of the GMs escorts the MoG and SMoG. My sides are also uneven.My side being 3 and my FI's side being 4.Relax and things will work themselves out.Good Luck!