New and NFP Question

bibliophile2010 · July 2010

Hi! My fi and I recently got engaged. I've lurked around quite a bit while NEY, and I'm really excited to be planning and, to have a group of ladies who are so supportive of the Catholic elements to planning.

We're probably going to get married next summer. Because both of us are Catholic, we will most likely get married at the parish we attend regularly (and where we met). We also intend to practice NFP.

We live in the Phoenix Diocese, which requires a full course of NFP, which is fine. However, looking at the timeline for all the Pre-Cana requirements, I suspect we won't be able to take the NFP class until winter or spring. My understanding, though, is that the longer you practice NFP, the easier it becomes.

So my question is, do you ladies who are practicing NFP agree that it becomes easier with time? If so, in what ways?

Following that up, I'm tempted to purchase TCOYF (I've read a good chunk of it in B&N already and agree that it is great) and begin to learn the charting myself and take the NFP class as a formality this winter or spring when we get to it. Does that seem like a reasonable idea, or should I really just be patient and wait until we're able to take the class?

Riss91 · July 2010

I would read the book and start charting on your own. I never took an NFP class and have been charting based on the book without a problem. I think that it does take a few cycles to really feel comfortable. I wasn't on the pill beforehand, but if you are, it could take a while before your body can correctly exhibit the signs needed in order to chart. So, sooner is better than later.

The only concern would be that there are a few different methods for NFP. I think the sympto-thermal method is pretty much the same as FAM which is taught in TCOYF, but some of the other methods are drastically different. So, I'd recommend finding out which method is to be taught at your NFP class. I highly recommend the sympto-thermal method or FAM.

ExpatPumpkin · July 2010

I would get the book and start now. I only had the opportunity to attend one short intro course at the church, so I actually learned NFP from the book.

I've pretty much got it down by using the book and online forums such as: http://christianfamilyplanning.net/index.php/board,5.0.html

I'd say it took me about 3 months to really feel comfortable with it. You could start now with the book and then use the classes later as reinforcement.

Ditto the previous poster who suggested that you stick with the sympto-thermal method, regardless of what the church is teaching. Although the mucus-only method is certainly an option, it just seems silly to me to ignore your temperature when it's so easy to track. I feel much safer by combining temperatures and mucus.

Jasmine&Rajah · July 2010

Expat, can you clarify what you mean by, "regardless of what the Church is teaching"? I never read TCOYF, only the CCL manual that we got when we took our class, and we learned the sympto-thermal method, which utilizes both mucus and temperature-taking. So, no one in the Church is saying that "mucus only" is the sole allowed method.

Also, is it FAM that allows for condom use during fertile times? (I'm certainly not attacking you, Riss, by asking - I'm just not sure if I have been misinformed.) I thought the difference between NFP and FAM was that FAM allows for condom use, which is why NFP is approved by the Catholic Church and FAM is not?

Riss91 · July 2010

Jasmine - you are correct, FAM is NFP with the use of condoms...I just assumed that anyone who would be practicing NFP would know that the condom part is not "kosher" for Catholics..

I think what Expat is talking about is there are a few different acceptable methods of NFP and some of the methods don't track temperature....so if you happen to take a course on NFP that is taught by someone using a non-temp method, you wouldn't know anything about temping....which most of us agree is extremely helpful and one of the easiest stats to track.

ExpatPumpkin · July 2010

Jasmine - What Rissi said. Some churches teach the Billings/Creighton method which doesn't involve temperatures. If the OP's church happens to be one of those, I suggest that she use the info to refine her mucus observations but not drop the temperature.

So use the class to improve her understanding of CM, but continue to follow the sympto-thermal method. If her church already teaches the sympto-thermal method (as your does) then great!

As far as TCOYF's teachings, it's completely secular. You can use the info to follow either FAM or NFP. The only difference is that you either abstain during your fertile window (NFP) or use some sort of barrier (FAM). We do NFP and I've found the book to be extremely helpful.

catarntina · July 2010

In the NFP class I took at the Denver Diocese, they talked a lot about identifying different types of cervical mucus. No mucus, stretchy, tacky, etc. Mucus always trumped temperature so it was important to understand it. They did explain temperature too, which was fascinating to me that there is such a difference in body temperature at certain times of the month. The first month was kind of confusing for me. "Is this mucus stretchy or tacky...?" It was hard for me to tell at first. Tracking temperatures was really easy until I got sick, it really confused me as well. I thought I was ovulating, but the temperature increase was just due to me being sick.

But after taking 3 classes, and meeting 1 on 1 with the female instructor, it got a lot easier. I charted for like 3 months and felt like a pro identifying the different signs of fertility and knowing what to do about random temperature spikes.

I really enjoyed the NFP class taught by the Couple to Couple League at my church.

Calypso1977 · July 2010

i self taught myself with TCOYF.

it did get easier over time. we abstained for the first three months to make sure i had the charting down. after that, for probably the next 4-5 cycles i only "dared" to have sex well after ovulation - never during the first 5 days. even now, i'm slightly nervous about having sex post the first 5 days. while i appear to be ovulating around days 12-14, teh latest i dare to have sex is day 7. we are definitely being overly cautious, but that's because we are TTA.

Jasmine&Rajah · July 2010

Aha! See, I made of the mistake of reading too quickly - and seeing "the Church" written rather than "the church" meaning one's parish . . . I blame it on my baby brain (speaking of which, baby boy came into being because DH and I knew we were fertile and it was a good day to try - hooray, NFP!)

Calypso1977 · July 2010

jasmine, i am so very optimistic that we have an experience like yours when the time comes to conceive. i'm such a planner, that i'd love to say "this is the month i want to get pregnant" and have it happen. being older (33 and 36) i know we may have a harder time, but NFP will surely help us get pregnant quicker - or let us know if we cant conceive quicker that just "winging it".

meltoine · July 2010

OP, definitely get the book and start learning on your own. It may well make the classes easier to digest. I was fully informed about NFP before we took the class (which is also required in our diocese) but DH had some learning to do. It can't hurt to start gather info ahead of time.

FWIW, our priest told us not to take the class further than 6 months out from the wedding, lest we be tempted to "try it out" beforehand.

agapecarrie · July 2010

If you mix methods, it can get confusing. I disagree with waiting to take the classes. It took me over a year to learn it because I had health issues, which needed to get worked out with a NFP doctor, and I had to learn the exceptions that I had to make with charting.

If you suspect you may have any health issues, definitely go with creighton method. This is the method that NFP docs use to diagnose and treat.

Calypso1977 · July 2010

FWIW, our priest told us not to take the class further than 6 months out from the wedding, lest we be tempted to "try it out" beforehand.

i find this advice odd.... did you find it odd, especially now, knowing the time frame, etc. it took to learn the method? also, i think its valuable for any woman to learn, regardless of whether she's sexually active or not.

bibliophile2010 · July 2010

Thanks to everyone for your great advice. Sorry to have posted and run the other day. I started to feel a little overwhelmed with the idea of wedding planning Thursday and Friday and decided to step away for a few days to clear my head and refocus on what's important (marriage not wedding).

I'm feeling better emotionally, and definitely think I'm going to go for the book. I was planning on looking into sympto-thermal classes anyway, and I think I'd feel better if I start getting into the swing of things now. Thankfully, I'm already off the pill (have been for a couple of years) and am now seeing an NFP-only doctor, even though I don't have any known problems or concerns in that area.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

Sorry to be such a noob but... TCYOF is a book by Toni Weschler right? I'd never heard of NFP as a "real* thing until bumping into this board the other day and I am now very intrigued. I'm not getting married for another 2 months, but why not start learning and charting now right?

Riss91 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_new-nfp-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:0a47cab3-9a25-406a-be42-36f973795047Post:a65678af-c531-4d86-8523-d938065a3292">Re: New and NFP Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry to be such a noob but... TCYOF is a book by Toni Weschler right? I'd never heard of NFP as a "real* thing until bumping into this board the other day and I am now very intrigued. I'm not getting married for another 2 months, but why not start learning and charting now right?
Posted by greengirl09[/QUOTE]

Yep - that's the right one. I highly recommend starting now because it will take a couple months for you to be comfortable and confident that you're doing it right. TBH I read the book and was petrified that it would be impossible...a few months later I was 100% confident! Best wishes!

Jay&Marissa · July 2010

We learned 1.5 years before our wedding (long engagement) and I charted during all that time (though I was pretty lax in taking my temperatures--gotten a lot better now!)

All the charting experience really did help--I'd do it as soon as possible. And no...we weren't tempted to "try it out'

Lucky for us, Phase III began on our wedding night!

Jasmine&Rajah · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_new-nfp-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:0a47cab3-9a25-406a-be42-36f973795047Post:52d399a6-3603-4d7d-a2d0-afe396c8a8b3">Re: New and NFP Question</a>:
[QUOTE]jasmine, i am so very optimistic that we have an experience like yours when the time comes to conceive. i'm such a planner, that i'd love to say "this is the month i want to get pregnant" and have it happen. being older (33 and 36) i know we may have a harder time, but NFP will surely help us get pregnant quicker - or let us know if we cant conceive quicker that just "winging it".
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Oh, I hope with all my heart that conception is easy for you! I will certainly say that we have had no trouble getting pregnant due to knowing when "it's time." We're on our fourth pregnancy (our first three babies are in Heaven) and each was planned. Whoever says NFP doesn't work is uneducated on the topic. ;-)

If you would like . . . please feel free to let us know when you're trying for a little one; I would be honored to pray for you.

Calypso1977 · July 2010

jasmine, i'm so sorry for your losses. i will be praying that everything works out for you with this pregnancy.

i'm sure if and when the time comes we decide to try, i will let you all know. i appreciate the offers of prayers. for now, i've been praying for guidance on whether or not we should try for one.

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