Im regretting more and more not having my wedding with my family involved, expecially my mom. Im her only daughter and she dreams of helping me with my wedding. Im trying to have my vow renewals as much like a wedding but still under the RENEWAL catagory. Heck, Im not even traditional to begin with even for my original wedding plans.
Well, mom emailed me sometimes yesterday, I been so busy with alot of stuff that I didnt check my emails until now. I know she means well and I love my mom to death, we are always been close. She said she wants to see me in a full white gown (ummm... NO thank you, I dont like big and puffy gowns. A nice long floor length dress is more me and ALL white is a BIG NO NO for me, Im messy, white will not survive, and budget wise, big time no no). She also wants me to have a full length veil (again, another no no for me, Im deaf, I sign... veil gets in the way and both me and my husband plan to SIGN at the renewal, I rather have a cowboy hat with some birdcage nets sticking out all over the band but no where near my face).
Last but not least, she wants me to have it in a CHURCH. Now that's a BIG NO for me. Im not Christian, I am Pagan. Yes, my husband is but I am not. Having our vows renewed in a church of a God I dont even believe in feels FAKE.
I just dont know what to do or how to tell her any of this. I broke her heart once getting eloped with no family whatsoever with us, Im afriad telling her all this is just going to crush her again.
My grandmother wants all this for me, too, but I told her what I wanted before she told me what she wanted and she said that it's my day, it's my choice, she will be there to pamper me before the event and be there to watch it no matter how it is set up.
Being pregnant right now is messing around with my emotions and even typing this up, Im getting the tearing, ARGH!