Standing Guests during a ceremony

mlwarlop · November 2010

I am planning an outdoor ceremony and a couple places that I am interested in, you can only have around 20 chairs for immediate family and elderly and the rest of the guests would have to stand. The ceremony is going to be 15-20 minutes tops and I was just wondering what everyone thinks, should I somehow notify the guests they will end up standing? Or somehow note it on the invitation or just not say anything?
Thanks
Mel

amityr1976 · November 2010

I suggest finding a way to tell people...although I'm not sure what that would look like on the invite. Personally, I have have problems with both my right knee and right ankle after an injury almost 10 years ago. Showing up in heels because I wasn't expecting to stand (even for 15 or 20 minutes) could leave me in pain for the rest of the night. I may be the exception, but even if I didn't have these issues I'd appreciate the opportunity to wear appropriate footwear!!

Ghoti · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_standing-guests-during-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:520ef541-b3f6-42f4-8c6d-1345983d1133Post:c9e77eb7-b3e3-4ed3-93bd-ab4a9686e725">Re: Standing Guests during a ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]I would leave. Seriously. I think not having chairs for your guests is one of the rudest most selfish things a bride can do. I am 26, in good health, but I have knee problems and literally cannot stand still for more than about 10 minutes, and especially not in dress shoes. I would never be considered one of those who "needs" a chair just looking at me, and I certainly wouldn't be comfortable taking one anyway with others around me having to stand. The average wedding guest arrives 20-30 minutes before the ceremony starts. Now factor in the fact that weddings almost never actually start on time (we'll be hopeful and say yours only starts 10 minutes late). Now the 20 minute ceremony. Your guests have now been standing for an hour. Outside. Please go put on a pair of dress shoes (even flats) and stand in your yard in one place for an hour. Does this still seem like a good idea?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

This.

slubkin · November 2010

Ok I responded to this exact post on a different board. But I'll do it again here for emphasis.

Please do not make your guests stand.

Here's a link to a post by a bride who did, so you can understand some of the reasons why it's a bad idea (in addition to the excellent reasons already listed by PP).

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_should-bridezilla

Cynthia1207 · November 2010

I would feel very insulted that someone invites me to their wedding but yet cannot provide a comfortable place for me to sit while I have to watch the ceremony.

Another problem other people haven't mentioned: Think of the shorter people in the crowd. I'm 5'1. Having a 6 foot tall person blocking my view for 5 minutes get insanely aggravating, I can only imagine how b*tchy I would get if I had to see someone's back for 30 minutes. Especially since I made the effort to come to the ceremony in the first place. I would find it incredibly inconsiderate to not have chairs.

Just thought of something else: Are you having kids at the wedding? They don't exactly stand around for 30 minutes without needing to expend their energy. I don't know, I wouldn't like to have children running around during my ceremony because they can't sit.

artbyallie · November 2010

There must be a seat for every butt. Non-negotiable.

jerseydevil · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_standing-guests-during-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:520ef541-b3f6-42f4-8c6d-1345983d1133Post:2b3dbda5-3b7e-4bcb-9697-2754d43c9048">Re: Standing Guests during a ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]There must be a seat for every butt. Non-negotiable.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

Agree!

And to add, the fact that the venue won't allow or provide more chairs is pretty baffling and I would be exploring other venues.

trix1223 · November 2010

What stage said. She's right, and it's exactly what I would have, and have said to the same question asked here before.

I'm a church organist. Your timeline is 15--20 minute ceremony. You'll be sitting down somewhere: back of venue, limo, somewhere. But here's a guest's timeline from someone who has played at more weddings than you'll probably attend in your life.

Guests begin arriving 10-30 minutes before the start time of the wedding. I can't remember a single wedding that started on time. Let's be charitable and say 10 minutes late. Now you have your 15-20 minute ceremony. Your guests have been standing up for possibly an hour. Not a kind way to treat guests.

Chair for every guest is just being a good host. Please rethink a venue that doesn't care about the comfort of your guests.

lynnmfrank · November 2010

Not sure if I agree with the majority of responses you got. I have been a church organist and have played guitar for numerous outdoor weddings, and on many occassion only the immediate family and elderly relatives are seated.

This occured at my sisters wedding in a restaraunt as well. In all cases, the ceremony was short and people seemed to understand.

I would qualify my oppinion to say: it depends.

Do you have alot of people invited who for age, or health reasons, will be uncomfortable standing? If so, you may want to rethink the guest list for the ceremony or consider having extra chairs in case there are some people who attend who most obviously shouldn't be standing, that you hadn't prepared for.

Then again, it never hurts to let them know in advance. I wouldn't announce it in my invitation, but you could make some phone calls to family members, and ask them to pass on the word that there will be limited seating for only a few chosen folks. You could also post a notice like this on your wedding web site if you have one.

This may give someone the chance to opt out of the ceremony and join everyone at the reception. saving face and discomfort. I have a good friend who is in her mid-50's and has a rare disease that won't allow her to stand very long. She doesn't want most people to know, so a notification like this would be appreciate by her.

Your decision will be based upon the specific needs of your guests, your venue and your budget. You'll find the right answer. Good luck.

krimson19 · November 2010

please have chairs for every guest. i was the most anal about having enough seats at my ceremony. most folk arrived 20-30 minutes early. our ceremony was about 45 minutes. i know if i didn't want to stand that long neither would my guests.

jagore08 · November 2010

I used to think that if the ceremony is only 10-15 minutes it would be ok to have your guests stand. But recently I went to a wedding that was like this and no one takes into count the time before the ceremony begins, running late (even 5 minutes), and then after at cocktail hour. I was standing for quite some time. It was also in a garden and the majority of standing room was grass and my heels kept sinking in the ground. Now I believe that there needs to be seating for every guest at the ceremony. It's rude and I left early because my feet were really hurting.

aerinpegadrak · November 2010

We did our ceremony in sort of a lounge setup, and we figured that following the processional, people would stand and move in closer to be able to see and hear better. Nope, they preferred to stay seated where they were.

If you don't have seats for your guests for the ceremony, the only thing they will remember is having to stand. And when they talk about your wedding for years after, that will be the only thing they say.

mbcdefg · November 2010

Your wedding isn't SO important that people should be forced to stand. Comes across as pretentious and, frankly, very poor planning. Plus the photos make it look like a bunch of people are just standing around waiting for a bus.

Here's a post from someone recently who said her standing-room-only ceremony turned out to be a disorganized disaster: http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_should-bridezilla

MyNameIsNot · November 2010

The link PP posted is a perfect example of why you need a seat for every butt. Your wedding is something people should enjoy, not something they should have to endure. You really should take your guests' comfort into account when planning. That means doing what you need to do to make them comfortable.

Even if your ceremony was 15 minutes, and you started perfectly on time, and everyone walked in right at starting time, it's still uncomfortable. Go get a pair of heals and stand still in the same place in your living room for 15 minutes, and see how you feel. Whether or not you can stand it, it's still uncomfortable.

megk8oz · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_standing-guests-during-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:520ef541-b3f6-42f4-8c6d-1345983d1133Post:9e28648a-013b-4822-ade4-c4cf8432257c">Re: Standing Guests during a ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]If you don't have seats for your guests for the ceremony, the only thing they will remember is having to stand. And when they talk about your wedding for years after, that will be the only thing they say.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Pretty much this exactly. In 5, 10, 20 years when your family and friends talk about your wedding, there are a lot of things they won't remember. But they will remember if you treated them badly. And making somebody stand for an extended period of time in dress shoes because you didn't think to provide a chair for every butt is one of those things that could easily be considered poor treatment.

Find a new ceremony site. One where you can have a chair for every butt.

Summer2011Bride · November 2010

As a guest of many weddings, I cannot stress enough the importance of comfort for them. I have never had to stand at a wedding, but I did go to an outdoor one in the sun in 95º weather where we had to sit on logs for almost an hour. NOT. PLEASANT. Especially for women in dress shoes, it would be VERY uncomfortable. Plus what about guests with little children? They may end up having to hold them instead of allowing them to sit next to them, which is uncomfortable. I would try for a different venue. It is a little worrisome that they are so against having chairs for guests, which seems a basic necessity.

trix1223 · November 2010

Stage, you may borrow my words any time you like. I'm delighted to have them shared with people who are about, IMO, to make a bad decision. Thanks for your kind words, my friend.

NOLAbridealmost · November 2010

I have actually attended a wedding where there were only about 20 chairs and about 100 of us ended up standing. Even though the ceremony was, literally, only 5 minutes long standing was AWFUL because of the waiting around for the ceremony to start. My feet were killing me. The only redeeming factor was that they served glasses of wine to everyone to enjoy during the ceremony so it felt more like standing at a cocktail party than like waiting for a bus.

But still. Please don't do it. And if you must, at least offer some booze to try to make your guests less irritated.

naomikb · November 2010

I'm a bit late to this thread, but wanted to add one thing, a bit of a unique situation.

I recently attended a Ukranian wedding at a Ukranian-Greek Catholic church, and there were no pews. None. It is just "the thing", no pews for regular church services either because "Pews are basically unsuited to the fundamental liturgical postures." However, there are some benches around the outside for elderly people or those with knee/whatever health issues so they can sit as necessary.

This was not told to us beforehand - when I looked up the church website to get directions, I came across the info about the no-pews. I did bring flats for the ceremony (luckily!) but some of the other ladies were not so lucky, and I do wish it had been told to us in advance on their wedding website.

johntkong · March 2012

Our guests will be standing at our ceremony as it is garden party themed. The ceremony is planned for no longer than 20 mins. Economically speaking, renting 80 chairs for 20 minutes use isn't cost effective. Our guests can better be served with an additional bar and better hors d'oeuvres. Both my wedding planners think standing is absolutely appropriate.

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