Walking me down the aisle

gcoker · January 2012

My parents divorced when I was young, and my father was out of the picture for most of my life. My mom remarried when I was 9, and my stepdad raised me from then. I would like my stepdad to walk me down the aisle, but I'm afraid he might be hesitant since my real father will be at the wedding. I also am scared of hurting my father's feelings by telling him that I am chosing my stepdad.

I had thought of having them both walk me down, but I didn't know if that would be weird.

Any suggestions?

em01092 · January 2012

This is a decision only you can make, based on what you want and how you feel.

If you are not close with your bio father, then I would *think* he would understand your decision. I would talk to both of them and see how they feel. IMHO, it would be very presumptuous and haughty of your father to expect you to want him to walk you down or give no honor to your stepdad when your father wasn't in the picture and you're closer to your stepdad, it seems.

You could find a way to honor both of them. Maybe your stepdad could escort you but your dad give you away? Or vice versa? Or have your stepdad escort you and then do the F/D dance with your father at the reception?

Sue-n-Kevin · January 2012

ITA with RetreadBride. It is not weird at all.

FWIW: "bio dads" and "step-fathers" often think of this wonderful duty in fond ways. They might both be hurt to be excluded if you pick one over the other.

Also, talk to them.........find out THEIR feelings. Sometimes dads are quite mature (I know, tough to say sometimes) and understand that YOU are in a tough position and they will willingly compromise.

One of the best stories I've ever heard was that the biological dad walked his daughter half way down the aisle, where the step dad was waiting. The biological dad kissed his daughter and passed her along to the step dad. Then the biological dad walked the rest of the aisle alone, waiting for his daughter. When she got there they BOTH handed her hand to her future husband. Maybe I'm sappy, but the symbolism is so apparent to all and sounded lovely.

TiffannieF · January 2012

I would talk with your mom. I know guys can be a bit prideful and competitive. See if she thinks your SD would be comfortable with this, if he thinks so then ask your SD then your father. What are you doing for a F/D dance?

Grits8812 · January 2012

I would talk with them and see how they feel about the whole thing. My cousin had her mom and her step mom walk her down the aisle (her father died when she was young), and they both agreed that they both wanted to be there for her and walk her, even if the other was there.

mandctaft · January 2012

I asked both my dads to walk me. Stepdad has been there since I was 3 and my dad didn't put much effort in until he was diagnosed with brain cancer and he "rethought his priorities." Depending on space, they are both going to walk me the whole way, but if the aisle isn't wide enough, my bio-dad will walk me half-way and my stepdad will walk me the rest of the way. I don't want to do it that way, but I couldn't imagine not asking either of them.

melntaitt · January 2012

I love my father dearly but my step-dad will be the one walking me down the aisle. When I think of dad, I think of the guy that taught me to ride a bike and yelled at boys trying to climb up on our balcony and came to the graduations. In the end, when my FI called to ask for permission to marry me, he called my step dad.

I came to this decision individually, and it's up to you on how and who to bestow this honor. I don't think it would be fair to the man that loved me and raised me to share that honor with my father who has been a very minimal figure in my life.

If this causes hurt feelings or goes beyond what others believe, I am sorry; I know the relationships I have grown up in and live with and I woudn't imagine not walking down the aisle with the man I consider my dad.

Walking me down the aisle

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