Vent

junebug19 · March 2012

I haven't had any problems so far with BM or FMIL or family, so I've been pretty happy. But, now that it has come time to plan showers, bachelorettes (which I'm not involved in) & RD, I have some Bridesmaidzillas on my hands and they are driving me crazy!! Its mostly my sister (MOH) and FSIL (Best Woman). My wedding is rustic and somewhat semi casual, so I don't want a fancy shower or RD, I'm perfectly fine with a picnic in someones backyard for the shower and for the RD I'm planning a catered clambake at the beach house we are renting near our venue.
I knew FSIL didn't like all those plans, when she likes something she gets all excited and agreeable, when she doesn't it's, "oh" and a face she probably doesn't know she is making. Now, she is e-mailing my sister saying a clambake at a rental house is impractical, and sending me links to chartered cruises or nearby parks and saying she doesn't know if the "logistics" would work out (i.e. would we have to rent plates/tables/chairs etc..) for the backyard clambake. Excuse me, I just planned a wedding for 200 guests and noone will be sitting on the floor eating with their hands- I have also entertained 22 people in my small apartment for Mother's Day & it went wonderfully. I can handle a 40 person RD thank you very much. I have a number of caterers that come with everything you need. And enough tables and chairs between both familes to seat 80 people.
Am I wrong? Do you think a clambake will work? I would like your honest opinions, its just FSIL's passive aggressive roundabout way of saying she doesn't like something that drives me crazy. If you don't like, come out and say it, don't use 3rd person to do it for you!
This is the house we are thinking of renting, going to go see it Sunday.

http://www.homeaway.com/vacation-rental/p160405

Sarah&Eric2012 · March 2012

I feel your pain. I told my mom my whole life that I wanted a very low key bridal shower, bbq type thing, so when it came time to plan the shower she told my BMs and FMIL what I wanted and they shot it down like they were playing Duck Hunt. Now I'm having a fancy shower at a fancy restaurant, the exact opposite of what I'd always wanted. My RD is going to be up to me and anyone who has anything to say about it will feel the bridezilla in me come out very quickly. I have not been a bridezilla at all, but I can be if they want to force it out of me.

Stand up for what you want. A shower is one thing, your RD is yours to plan and needs to be what you want. If you don't want a chartered cruise or a park then don't have it. Tell your FSIL not to worry about it, it's up to you to plan the RD and she doesn't have any say.

Sorry, can you tell this is a touchy subject for me?

volleygurl0306 · March 2012

I don't think you are out of line. It looks like a 40 person dinner at that house would be feasible. And, the RD is something that is for you to plan. FSIL should only have an opinion if she's paying for it. You didn't mention this so I'm assuming she isnt. So, I'd just let her air out her suggestions (she will anyways most likely) and say "thanks for doing research on that but I think I have it covered." She may still continue but she's not the one making the final decisions. As for your showers and bachelorette party, those aren't yours to plan so I'd brace yourself to suck up some things you arent going to love since you obviously have differnt tastes.

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