Can I still Have A Shower?

luckygrl1224 · July 2010

I'm considering having a wedding at Disney World. There will only be 20 people invited (that's the maximum number of guests they allow us) and I don't know whether or not I should/can have a wedding shower. I know you're only supposed to invited people who will be there to your shower but I'm having maybe 10 girls there total and that's really not much of a wedding shower. Can I still have a wedding shower and invite all of my extended family and not so close friends or should I not have a shower at all?

strlzfan11 · July 2010

I would say no shower. Having a destination wedding usually means that you give up some of the perks of having a wedding at home, but that's JMO. If those 20 guests were all family members, you might be able to get away with a family-only shower.

BTW...I've looked into the Disney wedding info myself; you know that your guest limit of 20 includes you & your FI (if you're having an Escape collection wedding) right?

redheadfsu · July 2010

Only those invited to the wedding can be at the wedding shower. With a DW you give up most of the traditional wedding stuff, but most of us like it that way.

strlzfan11 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1fbeb3f-dca7-4224-89f5-8fd698c827a4Post:20b6834e-0972-46e2-bba7-8731c09d1b25">Re: Can I still Have A Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why are YOU concerned about YOUR wedding shower. Your shower, if you are lucky enough to have one, is planned and given by friend(s). The bride does not plan it in any way.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

I wish someone would have reminded my sister of this (I tried to, but it fell on deaf ears) when she got married 2 years ago.

andy71781 · July 2010

Yeah I think having a DW means that you don't get a shower - at least one that includes more than 10 girls.

TheCranberry · July 2010

I've gone to a shower with about 15 people before, and it was still fun. We had drinks and heavy hors d'oevres at her friend's house, played a few games, etc. Her mom and aunts were there too. I don't think you need to have a huge group for a nice shower. It was a DW too.

MyNameIsNot · July 2010

If someone offers to host one for you, yes, you can. But just like all brides, your guest list is limited to those invited to the actual wedding.

Giving up a traditional shower is part of what comes along with making the decision to have a small destination wedding.

luckygrl1224 · July 2010

Is there any ideas as to what I can do after the wedding to celebrate with all the people I want to invite but can't? I'm in a tight financial bind and can't get the more expensive wedding but I want to include my extended family and friends somehow...

redheadfsu · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1fbeb3f-dca7-4224-89f5-8fd698c827a4Post:46f42a1d-5e3a-40bc-b553-2ff2f977b06f">Re: Can I still Have A Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is there any ideas as to what I can do after the wedding to celebrate with all the people I want to invite but can't? I'm in a tight financial bind and can't get the more expensive wedding but I want to include my extended family and friends somehow...
Posted by luckygrl1224[/QUOTE]

You can have an at home reception, but you have to pay for it. Which sounds like you can't. You have to choose what is more important to you. Sorry.

laladypoet · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1fbeb3f-dca7-4224-89f5-8fd698c827a4Post:46f42a1d-5e3a-40bc-b553-2ff2f977b06f">Re: Can I still Have A Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is there any ideas as to what I can do after the wedding to celebrate with all the people I want to invite but can't? I'm in a tight financial bind and can't get the more expensive wedding but I want to include my extended family and friends somehow...
Posted by luckygrl1224[/QUOTE]
well I mean, there's always your funeral.

M&R7111 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1fbeb3f-dca7-4224-89f5-8fd698c827a4Post:46f42a1d-5e3a-40bc-b553-2ff2f977b06f">Re: Can I still Have A Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is there any ideas as to what I can do after the wedding to celebrate with all the people I want to invite but can't? I'm in a tight financial bind and can't get the more expensive wedding but I want to include my extended family and friends somehow...
Posted by luckygrl1224[/QUOTE]

You can have everyone over for a picnic or a BBQ or a house party if you can't afford a reception at home.

mwhitson14 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1fbeb3f-dca7-4224-89f5-8fd698c827a4Post:46f42a1d-5e3a-40bc-b553-2ff2f977b06f">Re: Can I still Have A Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is there any ideas as to what I can do after the wedding to celebrate with all the people I want to invite but can't? I'm in a tight financial bind and c<strong>an't get the more expensive wedding</strong> but I want to include my extended family and friends somehow...
Posted by luckygrl1224[/QUOTE]

Aren't DW weddings *really* expensive?

tidetravel · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1fbeb3f-dca7-4224-89f5-8fd698c827a4Post:46f42a1d-5e3a-40bc-b553-2ff2f977b06f">Re: Can I still Have A Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is there any ideas as to what I can do after the wedding to celebrate with all the people I want to invite but can't? I'm in a tight financial bind and can't get the more expensive wedding but I want to include my extended family and friends somehow...
Posted by luckygrl1224[/QUOTE]
If you host an event, you have to pay for it, whether it's the wedding or an at home reception. You made the decision to have your celebration at Disney. In exchange, you chose to give up the big, elaborate wedding.

mwhitson14 · July 2010

And I meant Disney World, not destination wedding in this case.

RachNRich · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1fbeb3f-dca7-4224-89f5-8fd698c827a4Post:547c304c-bab1-498f-ad87-333d02f47fd7">Re: Can I still Have A Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I still Have A Shower? : Aren't DW weddings *really* expensive?
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]
Mine wasn't.<div>
</div><div>ETA: I had a DW---not a Disney Wedding. </div>

redheadfsu · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1fbeb3f-dca7-4224-89f5-8fd698c827a4Post:e2399e3d-99f5-4144-93ae-ad6d0ae153ca">Re: Can I still Have A Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]And I meant Disney World, not destination wedding in this case.
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

Good point, the DW abbreviation is a bad idea in this thread.

I meant destination wedding in my post.

Lisa8888 · July 2010

You want a bridal shower and some type of celebration. Sounds like you are just looking for gifts. If you can't afford to pay for a celebration, then you don't get one.

mwhitson14 · July 2010

Yeah, sorry, I meant disney world. I've seen their packages, you could throw an amazing wedding for more people for the same amount if more people to celebrate with is what you'd really rather have.

carrieoz_76 · July 2010

I was asked by the girls throwing my shower whether I wanted one, and who to invite, so the bride may be involved in that aspect of planning. Also, I think it doesn't hurt to think about some of the consequences of a very small faraway wedding before deciding to have one, one of which may be no shower.

Etiquette dictates that only those invited to the wedding should be invited to your shower. Think about it - much of the discussion at the shower will relate to the wedding. It'd be rude talk about the details of an event that you're not inviting some of the people in the room to.

There is some gray here if you're having an at-home reception, in which case you may invite people who will be invited to the AHR to your shower. I'm not a huge fan of this b/c I think it sends the message to people at the shower that you're tiering your guests - some were good enough to get a wedding invite, and others only to get a AHR invite - but I know it's common for DWs.

carrieoz_76 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1fbeb3f-dca7-4224-89f5-8fd698c827a4Post:46f42a1d-5e3a-40bc-b553-2ff2f977b06f">Re: Can I still Have A Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is there any ideas as to what I can do after the wedding to celebrate with all the people I want to invite but can't? I'm in a tight financial bind and can't get the more expensive wedding but I want to include my extended family and friends somehow...
Posted by luckygrl1224[/QUOTE]
One of the girls on here is hosting an open house when she gets home after her DW. We considered that, and just getting BBQ or Costco food and having ppl over. It need not be too expensive, but you should host it (i.e. don't make it potluck).

NillaWafer10 · July 2010

If someone wants to throw a shower for you, what's wrong with just having the ten people? My shower had a ridiculous amount of people, and even I got bored opening presents. I felt terrible that they all had to watch. I think ten people would be a lovely gathering, but that just my opinion.

golden1215 · July 2010

I'm having a very small local wedding and consequentially a very small bridal shower. I think a small shower is ideal!

I did have 1 great aunt and 1 family friend, who knew they werent invited to my 30 person wedding, ask to come to the shower anyway since they just wanted to celebrate/socialize etc etc so they were invited but normally inviting people to an event where you are "showered" with gifts, when you are not inviting them to your wedding is a very bad idea.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1fbeb3f-dca7-4224-89f5-8fd698c827a4Post:46f42a1d-5e3a-40bc-b553-2ff2f977b06f">Re: Can I still Have A Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is there any ideas as to what I can do after the wedding to celebrate with all the people I want to invite but can't? I'm in a tight financial bind and can't get the more expensive wedding but I want to include my extended family and friends somehow...
Posted by luckygrl1224[/QUOTE]
if you want to include them, throw a wedding you can afford to invite them to. this is all coming across very gift grabby (and i never say that) - you want them to spend money on you while not hosting them for the celebratory event.

HisCB · July 2010

if your friends want to throw you a shower, its up to them and i say its fine. as long as everyone invited knows that your wedding is limited due to venue, you would have them th and you make it no gifts. its really up to your friends if they want to throw the shower.

i dont jump to the conclusion that you are considering planning your own shower, but possibly someone has asked because theyre considering it.

KellyLovesJames · July 2010

I see that your avatar says you're in Philly and you're considering having a Disney Wedding.

Honestly, if you're in a financial bind, I'd skip the Disney Wedding. You could probably take that same amount of money, have an awesome lunch or late evening ceremony/reception and still come out ahead.

In addition to this, you'll get to experience all of the wedding hoopla that it looks like you're going to be sad you might miss out on.

If you're concerned about reception cost (and aren't we all) check into some places that offer a all inclusive package deal (maybe a B&B) verses a place you can bring in outside catering and alcohol. (maybe a art gallery or community center?).

You can make this work... think outside the box. They're a lot of things you can DIY.

As for the shower... everyone has already covered that. The guest for the shower have to be invited to the wedding.

Good luck!

LP11509 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1fbeb3f-dca7-4224-89f5-8fd698c827a4Post:055e8b5e-7673-4069-a005-c10cc0cdbebb">Re: Can I still Have A Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]If someone wants to throw a shower for you, what's wrong with just having the ten people? My shower had a ridiculous amount of people, and even I got bored opening presents. I felt terrible that they all had to watch. I think ten people would be a lovely gathering, but that just my opinion.
Posted by NillaWafer10[/QUOTE]

This. I had 11 (or maybe 12, I forget exactly) people at my shower and it was wonderful, intimate, and nobody got too horriblly bored with the present opening.

Belle2Be · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1fbeb3f-dca7-4224-89f5-8fd698c827a4Post:317cbb4d-a62b-498e-9fb2-e93d2bda1d6e">Can I still Have A Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm considering having a wedding at Disney World. There will only be 20 people invited (that's the maximum number of guests they allow us) and I don't know whether or not I should/can have a wedding shower. I know you're only supposed to invited people who will be there to your shower but I'm having maybe 10 girls there total and that's really not much of a wedding shower. Can I still have a wedding shower and invite all of my extended family and not so close friends or should I not have a shower at all?
Posted by luckygrl1224[/QUOTE]
You're allowed to have as many guests as you want. If you're talking about having an Escape wedding, it depends on the venue, some are anywhere from 10-25.
AS for the shower, I'm pretty sure you don't throw yourself a shower <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

Belle2Be · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1fbeb3f-dca7-4224-89f5-8fd698c827a4Post:46f42a1d-5e3a-40bc-b553-2ff2f977b06f">Re: Can I still Have A Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is there any ideas as to what I can do after the wedding to celebrate with all the people I want to invite but can't? I'm in a tight financial bind and can't get the more expensive wedding but I want to include my extended family and friends somehow...
Posted by luckygrl1224[/QUOTE]
If its that important that your friends and fam be there, don't do it at WDW.

Can I still Have A Shower?

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