Invited to Bachelorette Party But not wedding

NicholeandRyan · July 2010

My fiance and I are having a small wedding, just family and the closest family friends. I have several friends that I'm close to but cant afford to invite them to the wedding.

my question, would it be poor etiquette to invite all my friends to the bachelorette party, but not to the wedding?

sodell23 · July 2010

If you were having a wedding out of town or just you and your hubby, i would say no. Since you are inviting some friends....I say yes, it is poor etiquette.

That happened w/ my FI....his bro planned his Bach party and invited some guys that he is friends with that aren't invited to the wedding and my FI was pretty embarassed. Although, guys don't care about stuff like that like ladies do!

I would keep your bachelorette party small....i did that with just my BM and it was great!

andyandhillary · July 2010

Yes, that would be poor etiquette.

Lisa8888 · July 2010

Yes that would be poor etiquette.

quotequeen · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invited-bachelorette-party-but-not-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:21d99709-6c99-484a-b1cb-073dde3a2302Post:cdddc48a-95a5-4489-8a81-892e26684968">Invited to Bachelorette Party But not wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are having a small wedding, just family and the closest family friends. I have several friends that I'm close to but cant afford to invite them to the wedding. my question, would it be poor etiquette to invite all my friends to the bachelorette party, but not to the wedding?
Posted by NicholeandRyan[/QUOTE]

Yes, it's rude to invite anybody to a pre-wedding event that is not invited to the wedding.

amysmomma · July 2010

Yes it's poor etiquette. Put yourself in the guests shoes, how would you feel to be invited to the Bachelorette but not the wedding?

Your bachelorette doesn't have to be a huge party, just get a couple of your good girlfriends/bms together that are invited to the wedding and go have a night on the town.

golden1215 · July 2010

We are having a 30 person ceremony & dinner then a larger hosted after party at a local pub. Some friends of mine not invited to the actual ceremony or dinner, but who are invited to the after party, are invited to my bachelorette party. They are not, however, invited to my shower- since showers are purely gift giving events whereas bach parties are just a fun night on the town and not gift giving events (at least for me).

So to answer your question, IMO, it depends on how youre running your wedding. If I knew my friend was having as tiny of a wedding as I am, I wouldnt care and I would still want to go to her bach party.

ARod22 · July 2010

Think about how awkward you would feel at someone else's bach with other people who WERE invited and were talking about the upcoming wedding, how excited they were.

I was once invited to a shower and not the wedding. Nevermind the fact that it was indecent of her to ask me to her gift-giving party when I wasn't even welcome at her wedding... it was just the sheer awkwardness of the situation that I'll never really get over when it comes to our friendship. I was one of 2 people at that shower who weren't invited to the wedding, and there were about 20 others present, all of whom were invited and planning to attend. It was hurtful to say the least.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

don't do it, very rude and poor etiquette

Kristin789 · July 2010

Oh my, yes.

Kreskin79 · July 2010

It would be rude, certainly; these things are an all-or-nothing proposition.

From reading many of these etiquette threads, I'm getting the sense that if one has to ask if an action's rude/if one should do XYZ/if one can tell someone else ABC, etc., then it is/one should not/one cannot.

Just a thought.

APW2010 · July 2010

It may be considered rude to some, but you know your friends best.

There are some of my friends who I would be offended if they invited me to the bachelorette and not the wedding, and there are other friends I wouldn't be offended at all. It depends on how well they know the situation and what type of friendship you have - like how much you go partying with them already.

MollyW318 · August 2010

This actually happened to me and I was very offended. This is largely because the person who did this to me is actually one of my bridesmaids. I just told her I couldn't make it. I understand she had a small wedding but I thought we were closer than that and it made it worse to be invited to pretty much everything but the actual wedding (which is obviously the most important part). Also, if it helps, I would have been less offended to have been invited to just the ceremony and not the reception if money had been the reason for her small wedding.

pokepoke27 · August 2010

First off, you know your friends better than any of us do.
Also it depends on who is invited to your wedding as far as close family friends go. I have close family friends that have been around since before I've been born, so I consider them to be part of my family. If I was holding a very small wedding of just the people I've grown up with, I know that my friends would understand and still love to be at my bachelorette party. However, it would be very hurtful to me if I was the only one at the party that wasnt invited.
Honesty is the best policy in these situations. Sit down with your friends that aren't invited to the wedding. "Look, Jane, I really value our friendship and I really wish you could be there with me on my wedding day. I wish I could invite everyone that has touched my life, but I just can't afford any more than family. I understand if you don't want to go, and I don't want you to feel obligated, but I would really love for you to be at my bachelorette party."
Good luck, and hope it helps : )

beamer84 · August 2010

I think it depends on the size of your wedding and how close you are to your friends. My friend had a very small wedding due to budget constraints, but I still wanted to support her and buy her gifts. I was happy to attend her shower and bachelorette.

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