Get ready for a long post.
I have a huge problem. Ever since my fiance put a ring on my finger, my family has lost it. I was dating my fiance for 16 months before he asked me to marry him. My family loved him. They never had a problem with him or his family. He asked my mom and my stepfather for my hand before proposing and they were excited. My mother, my step father and my older brother live in the east coast and I live in the West coast along with my sister and my younger brother.
So the first thing that happened was that my sister got upset that my fiance did not tell her that he was going to propose before it happened. This was something that she brought but that bothered her but she got over it. My sister then invited my fiance's mother to plan the engagement party. My fiance and I did not know anything about weddings so we did not know who was suppose to do what. We took the attitude that whoever wants to contribute to anything, they can but we are paying for the majority of the wedding. My mother became sad that she lived so far away and could not be there to plan the wedding with me. I told her that she can through, internet, skype, phone, emails....all of that. Anyways back to the engagement party. My FMIL was excited that she was asked to plan and contacted my sister and my mother about it. No one called her back. My FMIL asked us about what was going on and we were clueless. I contacted my sister (who I made my MOH) and she wanted to talk to both my fiance and I. We met with her at a restaurant and she was extremely upset that his mother offered to pay for the catering at the engagement party and that we needed to include my mother more in the wedding. She was telling my fiance that I had family and that I had to realize that. We had no idea where this was coming from and we decided to skype with my mother ASAP to find out what is going on. My mother told us that she wanted to be included more in the planning of the wedding. We were totally cool with that and in fact reminded her that we felt the same way and always wanted that. My mother also informed us that she was flying out a couple of times before the wedding. We told her that we would hold off on all major decisions until she came out.
Fast forward to engagement party. My mother was upset the whole time she was out here. We looked at venues and she was distant. My mother took offense that my FMIL accidently introduced herself as the MOB at one of the venues. She was complaining the whole time about the guest list and that more of our family should be on it (even though I told her that I was adding more of our family). My mother was very upset. My mother then confessed to me that she wanted to plan the engagement party. Why didn't she say anything in the beginning is beyond me!!! I told her that she would have planned it. Then she started compaining that she wouldn't be able to because she is far away. Then complained that she wanted to fly out family from NY and Puerto Rico to my engangement party. I told her I did not want that, and I would much rather them spend the money to come out for the wedding. She was still hurt by this. At the engagement party she was angry, and wanted to talk to my FMIL about how hurt she was by her. My FMIL did not want to ruin our day and did not want to get into anything. Also, my sister talk to my FMIL telling her to back off and that she should talk to my mother because my mother is hurt.
The day after my mother was extremely upset because my FMIL should only be responsible for the rehearsal dinner and that is it. I told her that I wanted her involved too. My mother told me that it is not fair that my FMIL lives so close and can do things with me. Cliaming that she is pushing herself in this wedding and those things should be her moments (this is also because I invited my FMIL to dress shopping with my mom....which my sister and my mother got it in their minds that my FMIL invited herself). My mother also demanded that we get married in NY where our family is. I told her that I barely know my family and I don't have any of my friend in NY, I will not do that and that is not what both me and my fiance want. She said that my sister would have done it if she asked her.
My sister then got involved in all of this. She stopped talking to me. Told me that my FMIL disrepected her and my mother for not talking to our mother after the engagement party. Also that she made a comment " I can't believe she (my mother) is going to ruin her day", which my FMIL does not remember saying. I wrote her back telling her that I'm a grown woman making my own decision and everyone has to let go. We can get passed this and it will get better. My sister fired back and was very rude so we remained silent.
Jump to my dress fitting and my mom coming out here with my stepdad. So my mother wanted my sister and I to talk and get back to where we were. I came over to talk to my sister and she started yelling at me. Telling me that I brushed my family and took my fiance's family's side on everything. They said that I did not care about my mother's feelings and that I was being selfish. Then my sister told me that she was no longer my MOH and that her children were taken out of the bridal party as well. My mother did not say anything and agreed with my sister's actions. I ignored my sister and told my mother that I want to fix this but I need her support. My fiance at this point is furious on how they have been treating me because I have just been hurt this whole time. My fiance and I hoped that maybe meeting with my mother and stepfather and taking them out would help. My stepfather declined to go out. We also invited him to go and pick the menu for the wedding and he declined. My fiance went to shake his hand when he came by and stepfather ignored him.
My fiance and I have since tried to set up something with my sister to see what we can do to move pass things and she cancelled. We have tried to repair things.
Recently, I asked my step father to walk me down the aisle (even though we were not that close and he was being rude when he was here), he anyways declined. My stepfather told me the reason was because I treated my mother bad. He also stated that my fiance was rude for not acknowledging him when he came out to visit. Mind you this was the visit where my stepfather declined our invitations to eating out, to the catering tasting...all of that. By the way, my mother was the only one at the dress fitting (I have to tell my FMIL not to come. Back to my step father, I told him not to come because I had enough. My mother called me back and asked me to reconsider because she did not want to be at the wedding by herself. I told her that this is where I stand and I am just sick of eveything. She then called my fiance self centered. She is now thinking about not coming to the wedding because she does not want to be alone.
My mother does feel bad for everything that has happened and feels embarrassed because she realizes how I have been having a miserable time. Every mile stone in this wedding....dress fitting, venue picking, all those wonderful moments....I was crying because of all this. My mother realizes this, yet....she still thinks I should try harder to patch thinigs up with my sister and that my stepfather should be invited to the wedding. She has not bought her ticket yet to the wedding because she is not sure she is coming. My wedding is a month away. I give up.....
Told you it was a lot. There is much more in all of tha but my hands are tired.....