My mom has been with my Step-Dad for 8 or 9 years. When we moved in together my step-brother (few years older) lived at home and he and I got to know each other well. We worked together for 2 years while living together, I was at his wedding, was at the hospital when his child was born, helped him out when he was starting up a business. In short, over the years I have been a very supportive step-sister even though our families blended late in the game to form a really strong bond. Over time, I started to only hear from him when he wanted something.
Of course he was invited to our wedding. However, the RSVP date came and went and I never got a response. So I sent him a text...no response. So I sent him a message on facebook...no response. Finally, I contacted my mom and step-dad to ask them to follow up. They got back to me and said that Step-bro had another wedding the same day as ours and was still figuring out what to do (this is now 4 weeks after the RSVP date). No problem, I understand that we're not that close (obviously) and people have lives that my wedding may not be important to them. But it really bothered me the way he handled it - why couldn't he just tell me that?
Another 3 weeks or so pass and now we're getting to the time where I need to commit to numbers...and still no word from him. So I ask my mom and step-dad to follow up again and get an answer. The answer ends up being no, they had decided to go to the other wedding. Never did get a response card back.
Gotta love facebook though because on the night of the wedding at 9pm Step-Brother posted a photo album of his family...clearly not at another wedding.
So my feelings are very hurt. Not only did he not respond but he didn't even say congratulations, didn't send a card or anything to acknowledge something so important to me. The way I feel now and DH agrees, that we will not include them in our lives going forward or invite him to "family" functions we host. I will of course always be civil around them should I be in the same place at the same time, but I'm done making effort towards him since he clearly makes none towards me. My step-dad would probably have hurt feelings over this as he's always wanted us to be a family unit - the main reason I have always made effort.
Do I tell my mom and step-dad that I am done making effort so they aren't surprised or hurt when they are not included in our Christmas plans, etc? Do I leave it alone until it comes up naturally to avoid unneccessary hurt feelings? Would you feel the same way if you were in this situation? I'd love some input.
On a lighter note, our wedding was incredible. Happiest day of my life and I didn't miss my step brother being there at all. It was a perfect day, exactly how we wanted it! I absolutely love being married and still have to pinch myself that I can be this happy and not be dreaming.