Sick of Fiance

kdoman83 · June 2010

I'm just curious if im the only one like this...there are times that I am crazy about him, and times I am sick of him. I'll go days where I dont want to have anything to do with him at all...

I just wander if other women feel this way about their men, or should I question my relationship?

unplainjane · June 2010

hmm why are you sick of him? if you guys live together i would say generally that i think most girls need time to themselves sometimes but i'm thinking a few hours or maybe a day. i don't think wanting to go for days without anything to do with him is healthy. is he aware of how you feel? when you feel you need time apart do you actually take some time away from him? you definitely need personal time to do your own thing but i think feeling sick of him isn't good.

AdeleDazeem · June 2010

There are times (not whole days) when my fiance drives me insane. But, almost always, those times are when I'm stressed out at work or in life and feeling like I don't want to or can't do one more thing. So, when I come home and he's got take out all over the kitchen, trash piled high in the garbage or dishes overflowing on the counter because he didn't deem it worthy to empty the dishwahser, then yeah - I kind of lose my mind.

But those are circumstantial situations - they have nothing to do with *him*. If you are having trouble with your actual fiance, then I think you need to re-evaluate. If it's outside stressors, then find ways to alleviate them.

No matter what you do - communication is a wonderful thing between two people. My fiance has been fabulous after I tell him what's bugging me or what's bugging him - we work together to fix the problems. I think that is rather normal way to deal with upsetment between two people.

emarston1 · June 2010

Ditto PP. There are definitely times when I just need my space. But I generally just go to the bedroom and read a book or watch some TV. After a few hours, I'm fine.

I have to say it worries me to hear that you get sick of your fiance and don't want to see him for days. That doesn't strike me as healthy.

I would really think about what makes you not want to be around him. Is it *him* or is it a habit that he does that gets on your nerves (ie dirty dishes, etc.) Are you like this with all of your relationships or is it just with him?

While I don't think people should be around each other 24/7 (nor do I think it's healthy to be that involved with another person), you should enjoy each other's company and want to be near each other.

Hope that helps and good luck

luckyme502 · June 2010

I am like this some times. Our issue is that he will work 20 hours days, get no sleep and be really grumpy. Of course, I understand why he is grumpy. I have just learned that when he is that tired I give him space.

kdoman83 · June 2010

I guess I should preface with I've been like this with nealy every boyfriend I've had...I Just feel hot and cold about him. I guess part of it is my introverted natured. I have times where I feel like i just need to be alone, probably more often than some. But even when Im in a cold spell, i still love him. I just dont want to deal with him or if he comes home earlier than expected I feel robbed of my time alone...

I was just wondering if any other women felt like that, I'm not having a big crisis about it or anything.

redheadfsu · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sick-of-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:25a69b7d-56e4-4f22-99ab-062c0e17d7a5Post:c2070d26-ae6f-4e4b-8591-9b9e25782508">Re: Sick of Fiance</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I should preface with I've been like this with nealy every boyfriend I've had...I Just feel hot and cold about him. I guess part of it is my introverted natured. I have times where I feel like i just need to be alone, probably more often than some. But even when Im in a cold spell, i still love him. I just dont want to deal with him or if he comes home earlier than expected I feel robbed of my time alone... I was just wondering if any other women felt like that, I'm not having a big crisis about it or anything.
Posted by kdoman83[/QUOTE]

That sounds more normal than your first post. Everyone needs their me time. As long as it is more about getting alone time & not about getting away from him.

I even like the rare times my FI goes out of town, because I get me time. I don't do anything crazy. I just do something normal like read an entire book or watch a marathon of trashy TV.

AdeleDazeem · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sick-of-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:25a69b7d-56e4-4f22-99ab-062c0e17d7a5Post:c2070d26-ae6f-4e4b-8591-9b9e25782508">Re: Sick of Fiance</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I should preface with I've been like this with nealy every boyfriend I've had...I Just feel hot and cold about him. I guess part of it is my introverted natured. I have times where I feel like i just need to be alone, probably more often than some. But even when Im in a cold spell, i still love him. I just dont want to deal with him or if he comes home earlier than expected I feel robbed of my time alone... I was just wondering if any other women felt like that, I'm not having a big crisis about it or anything.
Posted by kdoman83[/QUOTE]

Oooooooh. I'll give you this! I am the same way. My fiance was flying home on Tuesday and his flight got in late. I felt like I had lots of time at work to finish up, then go the gym and clean up before he got home. Then he texted me at 5pm and said he got an earlier flight. I was like "um. no. That wasn't factored in to my me time."

I had a lot of trouble with this when we first moved in together. After 2.5 years, it has gotten a lot better, but it's still there. I highly recommend telling him when you get moody and want to be alone. Then do it! Go read, go take a shower, go for a walk and just enjoy being alone. It's really hard when you live together, but if the other person knows and understands, then a solution can be worked out.

MISSCOURTNEY20 · June 2010

It's funny because, like OP, I had these feelings about boyfriends in the past, but I have never had these feelings towards my fiance. I hate when he has to work evenings and I am home just with the kids. I guess I get my alone time when I am going to and from work, at the hair salon, nail shop or scrapping.

I was, at the beginning, fearful that I would at some point start to get tired of him. As time has gone on, though, I have not had these feelings at all and that feels great!

Kristin&eric · June 2010

umm, sometimes i guess? usually when we are fighting!! LOL But i will go out with my girls, or he has guy nights so there are nights that we dont see eachother. Sometimes he puts in a lot of hours at work so this works for us so we dont get sick of eachother

Lilou902 · June 2010

While I don't get "sick" of my fiance, I think that I have similiar feelings. I have lots of alone time (I am able to work from home and my fiace has a long commute) so often I am home alone for a whole day. But, my problem sometimes is that I ALWAYS feel like I am on some one else's time schedule. Obviously from 9-5 I belong to work, but then I feel like I have to be home, have the house cleaned, dinner ready, etc for when my fiance gets there. He doesn't ask these things of me, but I feel that I should be mostly responsible as I dont have a long commute and am able to work from home. And it's not just my fiance, I feel this way with my family too! It seems that a lot of my spare time is eaten away by other obligations. IE tonite is my cousin's graduation. I love her and wouldn't miss it for the world, but it is still an obligation. I think being this close to the wedding has heightened by awareness of how little "true" me time I have. Because if I am not full filling an obligation for my job, fiance, family, friends, gym, then I am working on wedding stuff. Are you spreading yourself too thin? Could this be where your feelings are stemming?

arthomas82 · June 2010

I guess that's why they say you can't base your entire marriage (or relationship) solely on the "feeling" of love, but rather the commitment to love someone. Feelings come and go.

jenn.daniel · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sick-of-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:25a69b7d-56e4-4f22-99ab-062c0e17d7a5Post:c2070d26-ae6f-4e4b-8591-9b9e25782508">Re: Sick of Fiance</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I should preface with I've been like this with nealy every boyfriend I've had...I Just feel hot and cold about him. I guess part of it is my introverted natured. I have times where I feel like i just need to be alone, probably more often than some. But even when Im in a cold spell, i still love him. I just dont want to deal with him or if he comes home earlier than expected I feel robbed of my time alone... I was just wondering if any other women felt like that, I'm not having a big crisis about it or anything.
Posted by kdoman83[/QUOTE]

FI and I are both introverted, and we're very aware that we each need some alone time. That alone time doesn't last for days though, unless FI is on call, when I miss him horribly!

So you mean that you still feel like you love him even when you want to be alone? That's fine. Could it be something about his lifestyle that bothers you? Or his job? Like maybe his job has funny hours and you want more regular hours?

526SadieSadie · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sick-of-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:25a69b7d-56e4-4f22-99ab-062c0e17d7a5Post:4d88b4bb-4ef5-4dd9-86a2-8fa8e3f169a4">Sick of Fiance</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm just curious if im the only one like this...there are times that I am crazy about him, and times I am sick of him. I'll go days where I dont want to have anything to do with him at all... I just wander if other women feel this way about their men, or should I question my relationship?
Posted by kdoman83[/QUOTE]

I don't know when your wedding is, but you might want to seriously consider pre marital counselling (for both of you or mayber just for yourself) to pinpoint why you feel this way before you make any more plans. I can't speak for everyone, but while my fiance upsets and annoys me sometimes, I've never felt like I don't want to have anything to do with him.
Maybe you could try keeping a journal for a couple of months and look back at the times when he's really bothering you, see what the common factors are; if it's when you're on your period, that's one thing, but it might be more serious.

ChanelShades · June 2010

It sounds normal to me. Now if he is beating you and you just want your alone time than that is different. Or if he is coming home early demanding to know where his meal is then that is different. You sound normal. But just don't say "sick of".....

BrilhanteBride · June 2010

you and your FI should really talk about this before the wedding. It could become a problem. My FI just said... "well what about her FI if she doesn't want him around he may feel like she doesn't care and be more inclined to cheat or end up pushing her away" Marriage is a serious commitment and if you can't be with he person everyday you probably shouldn't be getting married.. Cause your stuck with him. Divorce is expensive. If I were you I'd be doing some serious thinking.

klm03013 · June 2010

OP, your first post and your second sound very different to me- almost like you are backpedaling out of fear of being judged. That may or may not be true, but I don't think it's a good sign that you say you would like to go days having nothing to do with him. Even if you get annoyed sometimes or wish you had more time to yourself, the previous statement is pretty severe. I would think long and hard if I were you if getting married to someone you have "cold spells" with is the right move. This is going to be a person you will be with everyday for the rest of you life- you need to be able to handle that if you are going to marry him.

Sorry if that was blunt, but it is just my feelings on the matter.

Sick of Fiance

Re: Sick of Fiance

2011 Reading Challenge

Choose Another Board

Search Boards