AFTER A WEDDING DISASTER SHOULD YOU DO A WEDDING REDO?

ValerieB722011 · July 2011

I was just married two weeks ago.
I planned my entire wedding myself in 4 months and thought I had it under control till the day of the wedding.

On the day of my wedding...

I couldn't find my husband for two hours (he was napping)
My hairstylist became a control freak and insisted on doing my makeup (which I hated)
My wedding band was run over by a car before my ceremony (we had to use my engagement ring during the ceremony)
Overall, I was just a ball of stress the whole night that I didn't get to enjoy this day of mishaps. I can't even remember a lot since I was stressed and everything was going by so fast.

I want a wedding redo so bad so I can have a new wedding band and my marriage blessed the way it was planned, I want to do my own makeup so I can be happy with the way I look, and I want to have a more relaxed time.

Has anyone else experienced this feeling before???

6fsn · July 2011

I do think there are some cases when a redo is okay- a major accident, death, that sort of thing. Bad makeup and a bent ring? no.

GBCK · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_after-wedding-disaster-should-wedding-redo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7616480d-ea69-4051-9a47-6bd88e580c78Post:33759137-7cb6-4dc2-a650-1487ae8f0973">AFTER A WEDDING DISASTER SHOULD YOU DO A WEDDING REDO?</a>:
[QUOTE]
) My wedding band was run over by a car before my ceremony (we had to use my engagement ring during the ceremony)

[/QUOTE]

If I had read this right in thinking the BAND--ya know, the people who were playing music, had been run over, it would make sense to do a re-do.

But really, these were a slew of minor issues, your being a 'ball of stress' won't be different next time, will it?

blush64 · July 2011

You still got married so there really isn't a redo. You could plan a great anniversary party in years from now.

Those things don't sound great but worse has happened. Be happy with what you had and have a great marriage. Then for a 25th anniversary throw a super party. (or even 10th if you want)

*Barbie* · July 2011

you need to add EABOD as an option.

the only reason for a "re-do" is if somehow you're not married after the first attempt.

you don't need to have a whole wedding to buy a new ring and do your own makeup.

hmonkey · July 2011

don't forget -- her husband was also napping. Napping. NAPPING.

i know, i gasped when i read that, too.

MNNEBride · July 2011

You are under the mistaken idea that a wedding day will go perfectly. That doesn't happen in real life. On our wedding day the bakery had a disaster with the groom's cake and it wasn't able to be delivered, the air conditioning at the reception site wasn't working right and an important remembrance from the ceremony was left at the church and thrown away. But in the end, we were married and celebrated with family and friends. Do I wish some things had gone differently? Sure. But as with most things in life, you don't get a do over. Remember the day, laugh at the mishaps and move on.

GBCK · July 2011

on the napping...did NO ONE else know wehre he was?
was there a reason you needed to find him?

Because I"m picturing "oh noes, the ceremony starts in 15 minutes, Where is the doofus?" and that would be stress inducing.
But I could also picture "I want to make sure he's stressed right along with me so I INSIST he deal w/ the minutia of whether or not three daisies looks right in these vases or we should change them all to 4. I know it's 10 hours before I said I'd need him but I NEED him now"

zsazsa-stl · July 2011

SMH

I voted undecided under the condition that no friends or family members be asked to attend this redo. It must take place in Vegas where an officiant can be called to your bedside so that the sleepy groom can be sure to be in attendance.

hmonkey · July 2011

for reals, she's making it sound like she married sunny von bulow.

GBCK · July 2011

I was picturing Oblomov...
(or is that to obscure a reference? stupid Russian Literature)

hboo2011 · July 2011

If every bride who said they were stressed, the day went by too fast, or had some mishaps got a wedding redo, then every bride would be having to redo their wedding. It would be absolutely ridiculous for you to invite anyone else to another wedding, since a wedding means you are getting married. Which you already are. Just relax for a while. If after a year, you still hated your wedding day, you and your husband can do a private vow renewal. In Vegas, on the beach, at a bed and breakfast, etc. Just don't invite anyone. They already saw you get married 2 wks ago. Ps. The few thinga u mentiones-him napping, make up, band, do NOT equal disaster. If that's all that Went wrong, I'd call that a successful wedding.

ReturnOfKuus · July 2011

What the... how were you rendered unable to say no to someone doing your makeup? And how in the HELL did your wedding band end up in the middle of the street to get run over?

NOLABridesmaid · July 2011

I want a wedding redo so bad so I can have a new wedding band and my marriage blessed the way it was planned,

Ok. This is the part I'm side eyeing. How was your wedding not blessed the first time. Bad makeup does not an unblessed wedding make.

Girl, you need a glass of wine and a nice vacation.

klynette84 · July 2011

A disaster is a tornado hitting your venue. A disaster is your venue being flooded; not a napping groom or bent ring.

Personally, I wouldn't attend a wedding redo; and honestly, I'm sure I would talk behind your back about it with my friends.

notamrs · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_after-wedding-disaster-should-wedding-redo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:7616480d-ea69-4051-9a47-6bd88e580c78Post:33759137-7cb6-4dc2-a650-1487ae8f0973">AFTER A WEDDING DISASTER SHOULD YOU DO A WEDDING REDO?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was just married two weeks ago. I planned my entire wedding myself in 4 months and thought I had it under control till the day of the wedding. On the day of my wedding... I couldn't find my husband for two hours (he was napping) My hairstylist became a control freak and insisted on doing my makeup (which I hated) My wedding band was run over by a car before my ceremony (we had to use my engagement ring during the ceremony) Overall, I was just a ball of stress the whole night that I didn't get to enjoy this day of mishaps. I can't even remember a lot since I was stressed and everything was going by so fast. I want a wedding redo so bad so I can have a new wedding band and my marriage blessed the way it was planned, I want to do my own makeup so I can be happy with the way I look, and I want to have a more relaxed time. Has anyone else experienced this feeling before???
Posted by ValerieB722011[/QUOTE]

JIC...

MishGettingMarried · July 2011

A few years before I started working for a banquet facility in MI they had a wedding that turned into such a disaster they were actually being sued for it.

The sprinkler system went off during the outdoor ceremony (completely soaking older guests who couldn't move quickly), The pilars on the dancefloor fell over severaly times during dinner, the father of the bride had a heart attack (and was taken to the hospital in an ambulance) and the groom got so wasted he thought he locked himself in his car and afterward proceeded to kick his way through the passagner window.

THEY were offered a re-do completely on the house from the catering company. THESE are actual things that will effect the way you remember your wedding for the rest of your life. In ten years you won't remember many of the small details of your wedding, much less your make up color palette.

I also found this on another board:

http://www.bobbiandmike.com/blog/index.php/emilymatt-2/

These two made the best of a bad situation - it should put things into perspective. I'm sorry that your wedding wasn't everything you thought it would be, that's no fun. But you really need to consider that things could be a lot worse.

Allgaier · July 2011

I'm curious to know if the band is ok?

TheDuckis · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_after-wedding-disaster-should-wedding-redo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:7616480d-ea69-4051-9a47-6bd88e580c78Post:388e0ef0-930d-42a6-891a-6025406f36b2">Re: AFTER A WEDDING DISASTER SHOULD YOU DO A WEDDING REDO?</a>:
[QUOTE]A few years before I started working for a banquet facility in MI they had a wedding that turned into such a disaster they were actually being sued for it. The sprinkler system went off during the outdoor ceremony (completely soaking older guests who couldn't move quickly), The pilars on the dancefloor fell over severaly times during dinner, the father of the bride had a heart attack (and was taken to the hospital in an ambulance) and the groom got so wasted he thought he locked himself in his car and afterward proceeded to kick his way through the passagner window. THEY were offered a re-do completely on the house from the catering company. THESE are actual things that will effect the way you remember your wedding for the rest of your life. In ten years you won't remember many of the small details of your wedding, much less your make up color palette. I also found this on another board: <a href="http://www.bobbiandmike.com/blog/index.php/emilymatt-2/" rel="nofollow">http://www.bobbiandmike.com/blog/index.php/emilymatt-2/</a> These two made the best of a bad situation - it should put things into perspective. I'm sorry that your wedding wasn't everything you thought it would be, that's no fun. But you really need to consider that things could be a lot worse.
Posted by MishGettingMarried[/QUOTE]

How are a heart attack and the groom getting drunk the venue's fault?

MishGettingMarried · July 2011

They weren't, but the company considered the fact that the sprinkler system went off in the middle of their ceremony to be the potential cause of those events. That and the fact that It was originally supposed to be a dry wedding, but after the ceremony debacle, they brought out a full bar in an attempt to appese the bride - which ended up backfiring. I think the venue's management were just trying to avoid a lawsuit that ended up happening anyway. By the time I left that job they still hadn't accepting the offer for a "re-do" reception and were still working things out in court.

ValerieB722011 · July 2011

Thanks for your replies everyone.

While my husband was sleeping, I was getting calls from the DJ and the venue regarding details he arranged with them. When I couldn't get a hold of him for two hours knowing these details had to be settled asap I got extra stressed. Especially when his own family and friends coldn't reach him. I wasn't mad at him for napping.

For the hair/makeup situation, a woman offered to do my hair for free, but then turned it into "I won't do your hair unless you let me do your makeup." I said "ok" because it was 3 hours before my ceremony and I didn't want to go through the trouble of finding anyone else. By the time she finished I had 15 minutes to get into my dress and be on the way to the church. I didn't like my makeup and that made me feel physically self-conscious. This is the day you want to feel beautiful.

My rings were given to the best man and he put the jewlery boxes on the back of his truck's bumper to pick up some other things. No one noticed and he forgot. He got in his truck, drove away, and the rings fell on the street. When he got to the church he realized they were gone. After spending a good 30 minutes searching for the rings, he found my wedding ring run over (it's almost flat) missing diamonds (probably in someone's tire). I didn't know what happended to it till after the ceremony when I asked where the ring was. Imagine going the vows, knowing a ring was missing. I still said my vows and never acted out though-that's not right.

Why am I do disappointed? Because after planning everything up until the last minute and having unexpected and unfortunate events occur, how do you deal? I never once flipped out or screamed or cried at my wedding. I never once became a Bridezilla. But I did see myself get worn down because the challenges never stopped and no one helped me, even if I asked. I even had to prompt the DJ/ Venue when to announce our first dance, when to cut the cake, garter belt/ bouquet toss. I felt like I was running my own reception instead of taking one moment to enjoy it.

Everything went by so fast and with many challenges to take on myself one right after the other and still keep going sucks. I am grateful for everything we had becasue I worked hard to plan it out. The stress and unfortuante incidents is what got to me.

So I spoke with my husband and we will have a 2nd ceremony with our family only. Some of our family was ot able to attend our first one and even my husband would like put the ring he chose for me (the replacement band) in a ceremony so that too can have his promise and love blessed over it. A ring is a ring, but when it's said with vows it becomes more than a ring.

hboo2011 · July 2011

To each his own, I guess... Good luck. I hope nothing goes wrong the second time around....

MrsKigerToBe · July 2011

The ring blessed part makes some sense to me. I grew up Catholic and my cousin, also Catholic, went to Italy to have a Rosary blessed by the Pope. It depends on your faith whether the bless portion is a big deal. I am glad you are including only family though. They probably will understand your culture best.

wendyalynn · July 2013

My husband and I got married during the recession in 2009. My husband just lost his job and it was too late to postpone. On my wedding day, my beloved father was not in attendance due to a falling out nor was most of my family due to lack of notice and planning. I was extremely sick on the day of and weeks leading up to my wedding and my heart was broken on my wedding day because of the lack of family support however, I married the love of my life who is still by my side this day which in the end is the most important thing.

Nothing went as I pictured, my father didn't walk me down the aisle, I struggled with my very opinionated in-laws through the whole wedding process, my mother-in-law did not seem happy at all, my M of H did not show up for any of my dress fittings and the hall we had initially booked went out of business and we lost our deposit. My mother purchased a beautiful, very expensive cake for us which did not get cut and was left melting in the poorly air conditioned hall. The wait staff left at 9PM without cutting the cake. The dress I ordered online did not fit {Amsale} very expensive and I settled on a rather unflattering dress which showed my horrific scar. I could go on and on about the things that didn't go well however, in the end, I married the love of my life. My hair looked ridiculous and I had very little make up on b/c I got talked out of a hair trial. {My advice to brides is learn to stand up for yourself on this day if no other}. My goodness, I would love to redo my wedding especially since my father is back in my life but please believe me, a bent wedding band, poorly done makeup and a napping groom are not deal breakers.

I know it's disappointing to have your wedding day not go as you pictured. Is there more to this than what you've explained? If not, hug your husband right now and be happy for the blessings that did take place.

thejucheidea · July 2013

@wendyalynn : You realize this post is over two years old, right?

VarunaTT · July 2013

Holy wow! I didn't notice that until you pointed it out, juch!

GetThePointe77 · July 2013

So now that I see that this is two years old, I wanna know how the second re-do wedding turned out!!

ReturnOfKuus · July 2013

I want to know if the idiot best man paid them back for the diamonds that were lost.

AFTER A WEDDING DISASTER SHOULD YOU DO A WEDDING REDO?

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