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Bridal Shower question!!

rclark13rclark13 member
10 Comments
in New Jersey - South
Ok I am having lots and lots of trouble right now and it is making me STRESS!!! So my sister is my Maid of Honor and I love her to death for putting up with the stuff i have put her through! She has planned a date for my shower. One of my bridesmaids who happens to be my fiance cousin does not like the date because my fiance family are all down the shore that week! So now my fiance and I are fighting because him and his family want to my sister to move my shower. I said NO i put my foot down because if i let them have their way just once they will want their way through out my WHOLE WEDDING! I cant do this I am so stressed out about all of this that I cant sleep and I am just making myself sick. My shower is not until August 7th, which by the way is 10 weeks before my wedding! What should I do? I don't want to move my shower date because last year when we where on vacation that week we drove 3 and a half hours to one of his cousins bridal showers in Northern New Jersey and now they are having a fit because they have to drive 45 minutes to my bridal shower. HELP!
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Re: Bridal Shower question!!

  • sbf2sbf2 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It is your wedding, but it was your sister's job to find out what are the bad dates...

    In my opinion, I'd move the shower. Its better than starting off on the wrong foot with FI's family...you don't want them to remember as the prima donna that always has to get her way.
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  • demarcosjddemarcosjd
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree you don't want to start off on a bad foot but I would also not get involved with the situation. Obviously you know about your shower but there are a lot of brides who don't. If you didn't know about your date your sister and the bridal party would have to work it out on their own.

    I would have them take care of it and come up with the best solution. If the place is already booked and everything set in stone then don't move it. I can see where you are coming from its only 45 minutes and one day. I know its the summer and the beach but this is your future family and they should be happy about your event and willing to work it out. GL
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  • rclark13rclark13 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well here's the other thing. Last year I had to leave my vacation to go to one of my FI's family events. And I didn't say anything, I just went along and said nothing. Was I mad,  yes but i still went and I had to drive like 3 hours to go to the event! I am just stressed about this because my FI is saying his family will not come. And like I told him I do not care because i have sacrificed a lot for his family and made people in my family mad about it. So I just dont know what to do. But I am just going to let me sister and the rest of my bridesmaids handle it.
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  • njgal26njgal26
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I'm so sorry that you are in this situation! I agree with pp that your sister and other bms should handle the situation-this is supposed to be a fun time for you and one of the few things that you shouldn't have to worry about!  If Fi's family is gonna choose a few hours of laying on the beach over coming to your shower then maybe your shower will be better off without them! However, as your bm, I'd think that Fi's cousin would do whatever possible to make this time as stress-free as possible for you, instead of making threats and demands!
    Good luck and please let us know what happens.

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  • rclark13rclark13 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    at this point i dont want a bridalshower. I just want everything to just go away! My FI is now not talking to me because he is angry at my sister and I for my sister keeping the date. There is no other date open for her to get the hall she is getting. SO that is why she cant change it. So i just dont know what to do now.
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  • miguelhilary2010miguelhilary2010
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    The problem is that now you're stuck in the middle and you can't easily back out now or ignore it.  I agree with pp that the date should have been discussed with important people prior to booking a place, but its too late now.


    When you say that FIs "family" is on vacation, does that mean all of his immediate family and grands, cousins, aunts, etc. will be out of town too?  How many people would this be inconveniencing?  If one person has a problem, they can just suck it up or not go in my opinion, BUT if all of FI's family will not be around, then you may want to change the date or do two showers (one with each side of the family).


    I found the comment "I said NO i put my foot down because if i let them have their way just once they will want their way through out my WHOLE WEDDING!" to be very telling.  Its not YOUR wedding.  It is your and FI's wedding, which all of your family and friends will be graciously attending and supporting you on one of the most important days of your life.  Can I assume that you have had problems with his family in the past?  Maybe they're not good with boundaries?  If so, you will definitely need FI on your side to deal with everything, so don't let this (minor) issue blow up into something bigger.  Just breathe :)

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  • rclark13rclark13 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Up date on the Bridal Shower, my sister gave in and was able to change the date for the shower so now it is a week later then what it was.
    The whole family rents a condo down the shore for a week or 2 and that is in the middle of the vacation. I understand that it is our wedding. But if someone in his family wants something their way he will be on their side even though it is our wedding. And yes i have had problems with them before and want us to move things around for the wedding. i have already pushed my wedding back a week for his family because a friend of the family set her wedding date before we did. This is just stressful for me. But i guess it will all work out!Undecided
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  • miguelhilary2010miguelhilary2010
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Crisis averted!  I'm glad your sister was able to change the date.  Now you can get some sleep :)
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