And here I thought weddings were a happy occasion.. vent

krcousins · April 2010

I just don't get it! My mom was married at 18, FMIL was married at 20 and was pregnant, we're 21 and have been together for 5 years and they have the nerve to tell us we're too young? None of this was told when we first got engaged but now when the wedding is 5 months away, the comments start... like really? how is that helpful?

My mom is negative about everything so I was some what prepared for that but I'll admit its getting old, if I let her think something is her idea then she's dandy but if its Nathaniel's and I's idea it doesn't suit. My FMIL has been the one I like to talk to about wedding plans because she's always so cheery and last night she informed me she's not excited.. why bother telling me that?

The guest list was started long ago but we've abandoned looking at that because its almost like a show for my mother, she has more friends coming then I do ... her and my dad are paying for the reception (which I'm so so so grateful for) however, we need to downsize our list and she thinks I'm going to cut my friends... dream on..

My FBIL is driving me to drink (not really haha), its his way or the highway and everything that we're doing is stupid. I'm really worried about his behaviour on the wedding day as he's the best man, I picture him being a total downer and complaining about everything. He thinks I'm a prude re: stag party and I feel as though he's going to use it to get me or something.

My bridesmaids are even getting me worked up... we've yet to get dresses, (wedding is in Sept) because they keep arguing over styles. I've decided they're getting them made because I can't handle looking anymore. One bridesmaid, who was the most excited when we got engaged, is now acting like she's jealous or something and even though she was going to help me do all of these things and it was going to be so fun blah blah hasn't even bother to contact me since Feb and would never participate in dress shopping or anything.

Eloping sounds so good right now....

Sorry for the vent... any advice?

amwilli5 · April 2010

Sometimes parent are just a big pain. You're older than they were, but they're also older now and still see you and your FI as children in a way, my mom still says I'm her little girl and I'm 23. I thinks thats all that is, myabe just sit them down and say your not a little girl any more you've been in a mature relationship for 5 years.

Guest list issues just chat with your mom and politely explain that its your wedding and you don't know half these people and it most important for yours and FI friends and family to be there not people you've never met before.

FBIL issues you need to have a chat with your FI about it whats bothering you, it's his brother and he'll be able to talk to him easier.

As far as BM dresses and arguing over styles, are you demanding that they all wear the same dress? Why not just decide the color that they need to wear and approximate length like above knee or floor length so they don't clash and let them pick their own. I picked the color I wanted my BM to wear and told them to go have fun. They all have on cute dresses that are just about at the knee and different styles. It looks great in pictures and they all picked something they could wear again later in fact my MOH is wearing hers to her and boyfriends anniversary dinner 2 weeks after the wedding. They will all be comfortable and won't appear as the same person and the different styles will let each girl be her own.

psichick · April 2010

ever thought that they're telling you you're too young because THEY were too young and know it?

[Deleted User] · April 2010

Why did you post this on two boards?

Here's my respons from the Snarky Brides board:

Maybe they are telling you that you are too young because they regret getting married so young and don't want you to make the same mistake.

[Deleted User] · April 2010

First of all, times change. getting married at 18 or 20 was the norm for people back then. My mom got married at 18, as did many of her friends, and now says it was the dumbest thing she ever did, save the 2 kids she got out of the marriage. Getting married now at 21 is different, and yes is too young for many people. So you're just gonna have to get sued to those comments, regardless of how long you've been together. That being said, I was 24 when married (just a couple weeks ago), but my DH is 31.

As for the parents, you made the choice to let them pay so they can invite whoever they want. If you want control over the guest list, pay for your own reception.The only other thing to do is sit down and discuss your concerns, and that you would rather spend your wedding with your friends, not a bunch of strangers.

As for the FBIL, your FI needs to sack up and tell his brother to stop treating you like that.

With the dresses, either tell your BMs that this is the dress they are getting and that's that, or give them a color and tell them to pick their own. I don't understand why girls get to demanding and bitchy when it comes to dresses. As a BM, they should shut up and just go along with it. it's a freakin dress they wear for 1 day. Unless you're demanding they shell out hundreds for a hideous dress, they should just get what you want and be big girls about it.

katieanne85 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_here-thought-weddings-were-happy-occasion-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b34e9827-8d46-40a3-b53f-eecb47037eecPost:ce89387a-7146-44e7-a98c-431e24dabf3d">And here I thought weddings were a happy occasion.. vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I just don't get it! My mom was married at 18, FMIL was married at 20 and was pregnant, we're 21 and have been together for 5 years and they have the nerve to tell us we're too young? None of this was told when we first got engaged but now when the wedding is 5 months away, the comments start... like really? how is that helpful? My mom is negative about everything so I was some what prepared for that but I'll admit its getting old, if I let her think something is her idea then she's dandy but if its Nathaniel's and I's idea it doesn't suit. My FMIL has been the one I like to talk to about wedding plans because she's always so cheery and last night she informed me she's not excited.. why bother telling me that? The guest list was started long ago but we've abandoned looking at that because its almost like a show for my mother, she has more friends coming then I do ... her and my dad are paying for the reception (which I'm so so so grateful for) however, we need to downsize our list and she thinks I'm going to cut my friends... dream on.. My FBIL is driving me to drink (not really haha), its his way or the highway and everything that we're doing is stupid. I'm really worried about his behaviour on the wedding day as he's the best man, I picture him being a total downer and complaining about everything. He thinks I'm a prude re: stag party and I feel as though he's going to use it to get me or something. My bridesmaids are even getting me worked up... we've yet to get dresses, (wedding is in Sept) because they keep arguing over styles. I've decided they're getting them made because I can't handle looking anymore. One bridesmaid, who was the most excited when we got engaged, is now acting like she's jealous or something and even though she was going to help me do all of these things and it was going to be so fun blah blah hasn't even bother to contact me since Feb and would never participate in dress shopping or anything. Eloping sounds so good right now.... Sorry for the vent... any advice?
Posted by krcousins[/QUOTE]

I agree maybe your parents regretted young marriage, also, its kind of weird that all the sudden the issues are coming up, maybe you are unintentionally giving them reason to believe that your not ready?
At 18, 20, 21 pretty much everyone feels like an adult, in a few years and some optional introspection we all realize we had more growing up to do at that point than we realized, maybe people are responding to something in particular?

PixieChinchilla · April 2010

See, my philosophy through the whole thing is that if it stresses me out, I skip over it. My dad is the only one who's been giving us a hard time about being too young [I'm 22], and I just let him rant for a while, and tune him out. I really listened the first time, because his opinion does matter to me, but when I figured out that I really didn't agree with him, I just decided to not let it bother me, no matter how many times he brings it up.

I don't know you, but if it were me dealing with that situation, the next time they brought it up, I would tell them that if they don't approve, they can just stay home. It's your day, and it's your marriage, and if they don't support you, then they don't need to be there. You can tell them that, because that would hopefully get it through to them that they are really offending you with their approach. If they have an actual issue that they'd like to discuss with you, they need to find a much better way to go about it.

It's your guest list, and it's your wedding. Yes, it is very nice of your parents to offer to help you pay for the reception, but offering to pay does not give them the right to control who you do and do not invite to your big day. If there are strings attached, it is not helping out.

luckyme502 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_here-thought-weddings-were-happy-occasion-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b34e9827-8d46-40a3-b53f-eecb47037eecPost:38b4277f-9d7f-408b-89a0-b4bc8bb1118f">Re: And here I thought weddings were a happy occasion.. vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Why did you post this on two boards? Here's my respons from the Snarky Brides board: Maybe they are telling you that you are too young because they regret getting married so young and don't want you to make the same mistake.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

This.

I got married at 18. We were together for 2 years before we got married. It didn't work out so well. Maybe your parents are speaking from experience.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

They don't want you to make the same mistakes they made.

You are too young.

scarybride2011 · April 2010

First of all, no one can figure out if you're too young except for the two of you. I'm 23 and my FI is 22 and we're planning on getting married within the next year or two. He's nowhere near perfect, but he's perfect for me and he feels the same way about me. You will do some more "growing up," but as long as you realize that then there should be no problem.

My parents have committed to paying for the ceremony and reception as well, but I can't really offer any experience-based advice here. Most of the list my mom gave me was comprised of family and a few close friends who are practically family anyway. The only problems we may have will come from my FI grandmother, but I won't have to deal with that, thankfully.

Your FI has to deal with his brother. Frankly, I'm surprised he hasn't talked to him already. If my FBIL was acting like that around me, my FMIL, FFIL, FSIL, AND my FI would have all jumped on him in a heartbeat.

With the limited info we can glean from the post, your BM might not be jealous, but see this marriage as coming between your friendship. I was a little sulky when my roommate/best friend started going out with her BF, not because I didn't like him but because we had previously spent so much time together that I felt he was encroaching. Just talk to her about it and see if you can't figure out what's on her mind. The wedding is for you and your FI, but don't let it ruin relationships.

bowlerchick1705 · April 2010

Age is just a number doesn't reflect on the person you are. my FI is 31 and im 22 almost 23. We've been together for three years now and i just know he's the one for me. I can understand i have family issues at the fact that theres a age gap but also the fact that i am young to them. The thing is you are always going to seem young to them, so i wouldn't be to worried of there opinions, if you know your FI is the one for you. Then i say go for it. Marriage isn't about what your family or friends or even the people on the knot that have had bad experiences that married at a young age. what you need to do is sit back and erase everyone's opinion and really think ok do i want to be with this person and then when you realize the answer then the opinions of others won't matter they will still be your family and friends. May not be happy with you for awhile but you need to make your own choices and they will come around.

I've had dozens of people say your crazy to get married because of there bad experiences and you just need to look at it this way your not them. Anyways good luck im sure everything will workout.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_here-thought-weddings-were-happy-occasion-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b34e9827-8d46-40a3-b53f-eecb47037eecPost:a249f579-56b0-40bb-932a-887710ff5df3">Re: And here I thought weddings were a happy occasion.. vent</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, <strong>no one can figure out if you're too young except for the two of you</strong>. I'm 23 and my FI is 22 and we're planning on getting married within the next year or two. He's nowhere near perfect, but he's perfect for me and he feels the same way about me. You will do some more "growing up," but as long as you realize that then there should be no problem.
Posted by scarybride2011[/QUOTE]

<div>That's total BS. Your parents know you a lot better than you think they do, and they see you with the wisdom of their own lifetimes. If they see a problem, there's a reason. </div><div>
</div><div>There's a reason that the divorce rate is so much higher among people married young. </div>

jenn.daniel · April 2010

It's likely that your parents regret getting married so young. If your 21 and you've been together for 5 years, you started dating when you were 16. You've never had any other serious relationship, which concerns me more than your age.

Anyway, let your FI deal with his brother.

NicciSal91 · April 2010

i got married at 21 and i feel like it was too young (and i just turned 22) i love being married but i feel like i cant be that care free kid all my friends are acting like. i have to be a responsible adult now and not only think about myself but my husband. we both wish we could have done more in life before getting married. not that getting married makes you boring and you cant have fun, its just different.

Victoriatx · April 2010

your parents are probably just speaking from exoerience and know how difficult it can be but they also know that you two have been toegther for the past 5 year and perhaps they want you to keep searching or have more life experiences. i had a relationship for 4 years and when it ended my mom said that even though they really loved my ex she didnt want me being so serious so young and wanted me to experience life on my own before i got married.

And here I thought weddings were a happy occasion.. vent

Re: And here I thought weddings were a happy occasion.. vent

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