August 2012 Weddings

Stressful Situation-Vent

Ok so I'm about to unless the motherload of wedding dilemmas (at least out of the ones I'm encountering)... So my mother, who I love (usually), is married to a JERK (I could use much worse words, but I'll keep it clean). He has openly stated that he dislikes me, my sister, my fiance... etc... Everytime I have been around him in the last 10 years he starts a fight, like yelling, temper tantruming (on his part)... he has ruined numerous occasions with his bad attitude... so I'm sure you see where this is going... He is not invited to the wedding. There have been 2 really big blow ups where my fiance has almost come to blows with him defending me.. and we decided we do not want this at the wedding. 

My mother knew before FI and I were even engaged that we felt this way... but after the blow up in October she has stated that she will not attend wtihout him. I've only spoken to my mom twice since this happened, the first time she told me she was sorry and that her husband would make her life miserable if she tried to come without him (this is when she called from work and was alone), the next time she called she acted like a lunatic yelling at me that she doesn't support this marriage and I should seek a psychologist (I'm not that crazy I swear...) and just being really mean... After she ended the phone call she immidiately called her 2 sisters (my aunts) and tried to forbid them to come to the wedding as well...One aunt is coming the other is not as of now.. None of them have formally RSVPed yet...

So I've kinda come to terms with all of this now, I kind of expected my mom to call when she received the invitation, but my FI pointed out that mom's husband probably threw it out...which got me a bit annoyed again... hence this post... (he has done this a number of times before...) But just needed to vent about the situation, thanks for listening...
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Re: Stressful Situation-Vent

  • I'm SO sorry you're going through this - it sounds to me like your MOM Is the one who needs the psychologist. And it sounds like her husband is an abusive pr*ck!! I was dating a guy for a year and a half and dumped him the INSTANT he said he didnt like my daughter (who was only 3 at the time!!!) - your mom should be standing up for you and not allowing him to be like that.  I hope she gets it together for you soon and ditches that jerk. :(<3
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  • Thanks! It's just nice to hear that I'm not crazy for not wanting him there from someone not involved in the situation... :o) You did the right thing in your's too it sounds like. And now you have a great FI who I'm sure adores your daughter!
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  • Yup :) I'm blessed.

    But yeah I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. It sucks that your mom is being either selfish or too scared to leave someone like that. Kids should come first always. I don't blame you at ALL for not wanting him there.

    I didn't invite a couple who have been long time family friends to my wedding because they said a bunch of horrible things about me and how my daughter came about. And I've known the guy who has been like a cousin to me for pretty much my entire life. You have every right to feel how you do and react accordingly. This is YOUR big day and if your mom is going to choose him over you and not be there at her own daughter's wedding then you don't need her there. <3
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  • It sounds like your life is moving in a healthy direction.  You have a FI that supports you & stands up for you and you made the very difficult decision to invite your mom without her jerk husband which I'm sure was difficult knowing the backlash you would get.  I am sorry your relationship is poor with your mom, but like other posters said, your mom should always support you over anyone else.  By not doing that and staying with someone that verbally abuses those close to her, she is the one that should see a counselor.  I really hope that for your sake, FI's family is loving and accepting of you and that you like them as well.  Hang in there - I'm sorry it came to this, but you sound very level-headed and stuck in a crummy situation by no fault of your own.
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  • Thanks rungirl! Yes my FI's family is wonderful. We actually just moved to Ohio to be closer to them this past December. It's nice being closer to them, I'm pretty close with his SIL's and his family has been really supportive about all things wedding! The tough thing is my family, who calls me to try and convince me to just invite him, bc my mom should be there on my wedding day. And I agree, she should, but that is her choice... she got an invite, she has to make the decision to accept or decline. 
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