Second wedding in two weeks maybe???????HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Second wedding in two weeks maybe???????HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• em01092 member

  

  March 2012

  I'm of the opinion that you get one wedding. Whether that is JOP or church wedding is up to you. Make a choice you can live with. I'm not a fan of having "do over" weddings, because it's like playing dress up, unless you call it a VR (vow renewal), celebration or marriage, or a convalidation. 

  
  

  The only exception is if you have a DW (destination wedding) and a lot of family can't afford to come and want to throw you an AHR (at home reception). But I still wouldn't wear a white poofy dress and do all of the tosses, dances, etc. 

  
  

  But perhaps more importantly, you and your FI need to get on the same page. Honestly it kind of sounds like you're rushing, and I think you need to sit down and make some priorities. 

  April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Bio-Updated 4/22**

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• pokepoke27 member

  

  March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_georgia-atlanta_second-wedding-in-two-weeks-maybehelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:58Discussion:b204f375-b9ae-4aaf-ac5a-6e288d9451d0Post:4d738bb7-837f-40f2-8bad-6c52e58853d3">Re: Second wedding in two weeks maybe???????HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]  But perhaps more importantly, you and your FI need to get on the same page. Honestly it kind of sounds like you're rushing, and I think you need to sit down and make some priorities. 
  Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>This is the first thought I had. The two of you are getting married and that includes compromise. </div><div>
  </div><div>I understand that his religious views say that he is not supposed to live with someone until after he's married. One way I could suggest to try to compromise with him is say that you will not "live in sin" until after the wedding. You could still move into the same home together, but sleep in different room and not "have relations" until the wedding. That way you are still staying to your original plan but he can feel comfortable about not living in sin. </div>

  
  
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• DanieKA member

  

  March 2012 edited March 2012

  I'm a bit confused, but I'll try to answer you sincerely (without too much snark).

  
  

  First, I agree with PP's about rushing. I know you guys were HS sweethearts, but it doesn't seem like you know a lot about each other. Don't you think you should know his religious beliefs before you get married? Actually before you got engaged (and consequently for later on how he wants to raise your children, whether to baptize them, etc...) These are serious relationship issues that should have been discussed before you got engaged, and then again, and then some more. It's pretty disconcerting how you didn't know he didn't want to "live in sin" with you until justthissecond!

  
  

  Second, the style of the wedding, whether courthouse or grand affair should be a decision between the two of you. Not his way or the highway. If you're fine with a courthouse, then that is your one wedding. You can have a party (I don't mind if you call it a reception, but I know some posters do) later, or if you want to recreate your vows for more guests you can have a vow renewal, but you get one wedding. Make sure you're okay (and he's okay) with what you decide. It SHOULD be a joint decision and discussion. 

  
  

  Lastly, if you have a wedding planner, s/he should have ideas for you for a hall or venue for your needs. If not, that's kind of a crap wedding planner. Fire them and start again. The entire point of having a professional wedding person is because they have experience and know things you might not about venues, decor, vendors, etc. I can't really tell from your post if you actually hired someone or you're looking, but if you have it's time to find someone else. 

  
  

  And speaking of your post, it barely made sense. Slow down, proofread, spell check is your friend. 

  
  

  Also, how old are you. If HS sweetheart was last year and you're 19 or 20, you may definitely want to hold off. Learn more about each other (and your money management skills, religious beliefs, and preferences, etc). Grow together and then get married. You sound a bit...young to be entering a marriage. But good luck to ya!

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• mari0225

  

  March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_georgia-atlanta_second-wedding-in-two-weeks-maybehelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:58Discussion:b204f375-b9ae-4aaf-ac5a-6e288d9451d0Post:4d738bb7-837f-40f2-8bad-6c52e58853d3">Re: Second wedding in two weeks maybe???????HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]I'm of the opinion that you get one wedding. Whether that is JOP or church wedding is up to you. Make a choice you can live with. I'm not a fan of having "do over" weddings, because it's like playing dress up, unless you call it a VR (vow renewal), celebration or marriage, or a convalidation.  The only exception is if you have a DW (destination wedding) and a lot of family can't afford to come and want to throw you an AHR (at home reception). But I still wouldn't wear a white poofy dress and do all of the tosses, dances, etc.  But perhaps more importantly, you and your FI need to get on the same page. Honestly it kind of sounds like you're rushing, and I think you need to sit down and make some priorities. 
  Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]
  
  I agree with this.

  

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• HYDROPHILE

  

  March 2012

  Ceremony first - reception/celebration later.  You can't have "two weddings."  Perhaps this whole "living in sin" spiel should have been discussed before you got engaged.  JMHO.

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• lisagetsmarried member

  

  March 2012

  I was in a similar situation. I was the one not wanting to live together before marriage. My now husband and I had been doing the long distance thing for some time when an opportunity for him to move to my city presented itself. We went to the courthouse the day he moved and were legally married. For our first anniversary we are having our marriage blessed in our church and my parents are throwing us the reception that we didn't have last year. I am wearing the dress of my dreams, its simple and elegant, and perfeclty suited for this event. 

  
  

  A lot of posters get catty and snarky on this topic saying you "only get one wedding". I say do what is best for you.  All our friends and family are supportive of how we have handled things. In fact it is probably more important to our families that we basically have the wedding "re-do" with the marriage blessing and reception than it is to us. Our families haven't met yet and there is something special about everyone coming together to celebrate the joining of our families. 

  
  

  I agree that you have to compromise. If you aren't comfortable with getting married this quickly then don't.  But if you are and want to do something later that is totally up to you. 

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• em01092 member

  

  March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_georgia-atlanta_second-wedding-in-two-weeks-maybehelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:58Discussion:b204f375-b9ae-4aaf-ac5a-6e288d9451d0Post:f95dea17-994c-41cd-bfbe-a3c572ff417e">Re: Second wedding in two weeks maybe???????HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]I was in a similar situation. I was the one not wanting to live together before marriage. My now husband and I had been doing the long distance thing for some time when an opportunity for him to move to my city presented itself. We went to the courthouse the day he moved and were legally married. For our first anniversary we are having our marriage blessed in our church and my parents are throwing us the reception that we didn't have last year. I am wearing the dress of my dreams, its simple and elegant, and perfeclty suited for this event.  A lot of posters get catty and snarky on this topic saying you "only get one wedding". I say do what is best for you.  All our friends and family are supportive of how we have handled things. In fact it is probably more important to our families that we basically have the wedding "re-do" with the marriage blessing and reception than it is to us. Our families haven't met yet and there is something special about everyone coming together to celebrate the joining of our families.  I agree that you have to compromise. If you aren't comfortable with getting married this quickly then don't.  But if you are and want to do something later that is totally up to you. 
  Posted by lisagetsmarried[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>What you're doing sounds fine. You're essentially having a marriage blessing or convalidation, and everyone knows what's going on. What I take issue with is people lying to family/friends and saying they haven't been married all this time, or acting like the courthouse/JOP wedding wasn't their "real" wedding, because it was.</div><div>
  </div><div>I guess I just don't understand the people who are so insistent to have their marriage blessed by the church after a JOP and why they just didn't do that in the first place if religion/standing in the church was so important to them. Unless you just became saved or converted after the JOP, that is. I mean, I know people get married for the legal and tax benefits, which is great, but I wish people would just accept that those reasons obviously trumped religious reasons, or else it would not have even been up for discussion or an option. I know this sounds mean and I don't mean for it to. I don't judge people who do this but I guess I'm just confused. </div><div>
  </div><div>Anyway, I hope your blessing is wonderful, and that everyone has a blast at the reception afterwards. : )</div>

  April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Bio-Updated 4/22**

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