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Not Engaged Yet

My friend is BSC

Wow. My friend, we'll call her R, and her BF, we'll call him T, are going to look at reception venues tonight and tomorrow. They want to get married in October 2012 but are not anticipating getting engaged 'soon'. I asked her how that works that they are are ok w/ booking a venue without actually being married. Her answer: 'Well, that stuff books up! Especially the church in October. I don't mind that he's waiting,, and there's no urgency since we know we want to get married in October 2012.'

I'm glad I'm just emailing her so she can't see all the eye-rolls. I saw T last night and I told him that his GF was awfully excited about my wedding planning... he just rolled his eyes. 
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Re: My friend is BSC

  • edited December 2011
    I wonder if it's a "surprise! we're going to look at wedding venues!" ?? Or is he actually going along with this?
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  • Ollie08Ollie08 Central FL member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_friend-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:710f8209-40fa-4c20-94a7-8623e27053b0Post:e7e95bde-ba2c-4a4e-a228-26f825d5f9cb">Re: My friend is BSC</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wonder if it's a "surprise! we're going to look at wedding venues!" ?? Or is he actually going along with this?
    Posted by NurseyK[/QUOTE]

    I was wondering the same thing! Is it another surprise ice rink wedding? I commend you for being so sweet and not outwardly telling her she's BSC

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  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Love real life BSC!  Way more enteraining!
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I wonder how these girls get their BFs to do this stuff. If I started dragging BF to venues he would not just go along with it.


  • edited December 2011
    That's crazy! I agree with PP and surely if he was so against it that he eye-rolled then why does he not just say no. Its not really the kind of thing that you 'just go along' with' - my BF would look at me as if I was crazy (and rightly so!)
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  • leia1979leia1979 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Oh boy. Tiger, I think you need to send her here so we can set her straight.

    Did we maybe casually look at a couple places online in the last month before we got engaged? Yeah. But we didn't seriously look (or visit anywhere) until after we were engaged.
  • edited December 2011
    I wonder how "on board" the BF is if he's rolling his eyes at the idea of her planning!
    I can't even really imagine picking a month/year before you're engaged. I don't see any point at all. 
  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Apparently he totally went along with it. She texted me that they both fell in love with it!
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    Still here and still fabulous!

  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle British Columbia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I can't believe that this happens in real life.  I'm also surprised that her BF just went along with her like that.  I just don't get the whole planning around a certain time before you are even engaged.  I wonder what happens when a couple does this, and then no proposal happens and the 'wedding date' passes (if that has ever happened to someone that is).
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  • chaysefaithchaysefaith member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Yeah, but are they practically engaged?  If so then it's TOTALLY ok...


    /sarcasm.

  • DanieKADanieKA member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have a friend like that in real life. A girl I went to H.S. with (actually elementary school, too) had been dating her boyfriend for something like 4 years, which is not that long, especially given the fact that we were in our mid 20s. She literally set up an entire wedding and told him they were getting married on X date or they were breaking up. They've been married 2 years now....I'm not even sure there was ever a proposal. He might have given her a ring something like 2 weeks before the wedding.

    This is an otherwise a well adjusted, very smart, super nice girl. We used to be very close and just drifted apart because of time/going to different colleges, etc, but we still keep in touch via FB and I have nothing but good things to say about her. Usually someone who's BSC in this area is a little (or a lot) BSC in lots of other areas, but I can't say as much here. 

    It was so odd, though. Craziest wedding related sh!t I've seen IRL. 
  • Eggshell31Eggshell31 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hey Ladies. I have a question. and I know I am going to get  TON of eye rolls and opinions. But I know the BF is going to purpose this year (within the next 4 months) we've already talked about that. He said it will be towards the end of the year so that its perfect. Now we are planning on getting marred in Vegas next year. I swear we have talked about it and he is all in. We however, are going to LV in November for vacation and he mentioned looking at some places because we might not be able to get out there before we book. Now I am not sure if we will be engaged then. but is it weird to look? 

    Please go easy on me here
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_friend-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:710f8209-40fa-4c20-94a7-8623e27053b0Post:e097af8b-0563-460e-aabd-c0a9c7a5cac1">Re: My friend is BSC</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey Ladies. I have a question. and I know I am going to get  TON of eye rolls and opinions. But I know the BF is going to purpose this year (within the next 4 months) we've already talked about that. He said it will be towards the end of the year so that its perfect. Now we are planning on getting marred in Vegas next year. I swear we have talked about it and he is all in. We however, are going to LV in November for vacation and he mentioned looking at some places because we might not be able to get out there before we book. Now I am not sure if we will be engaged then. but is it weird to look?  Please go easy on me here
    Posted by Eggshell31[/QUOTE]

    It depends on what you want. Will you be comfortable looking at wedding venues without being engaged? Personally, if it were me I would tell him that we should save the wedding stuff for when we are engaged (since that's the whole point of being engaged) but this is YOUR life. If he is 100% on board with it and you aren't some crazy chick forcing him to do this then I'm not going to yell at you over the internet and tell you that you are BSC.

    You have to decide if you are comfortable doing any sort of wedding planning before the engagement or if you just want to not worry about it right now and enjoy your trip to LV.


  • Eggshell31Eggshell31 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Beth- You might just be the nicest person on TK 

    Thanks!
  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle British Columbia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_friend-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:710f8209-40fa-4c20-94a7-8623e27053b0Post:e097af8b-0563-460e-aabd-c0a9c7a5cac1">Re: My friend is BSC</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey Ladies. I have a question. and I know I am going to get  TON of eye rolls and opinions. But I know the BF is going to purpose this year (within the next 4 months) we've already talked about that. He said it will be towards the end of the year so that its perfect. Now we are planning on getting marred in Vegas next year. I swear we have talked about it and he is all in. We however, are going to LV in November for vacation and he mentioned looking at some places because we might not be able to get out there before we book. Now I am not sure if we will be engaged then. but is it weird to look?  Please go easy on me here
    Posted by Eggshell31[/QUOTE]

    I agree with Beth.  If you feel comfortable looking at venues before you are engaged, and he's on board with it, go ahead.  I personally wouldn't want to do it but I understand you want to look as you might not be able to otherwise due to not living in the area.  Getting a general idea of the locations is fine I think in this situation. 
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  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Beth is wise.  I wouldn't personally because when you do get engaged it gives you a reason to revisit the area. Why spoil something that can be done while you are engaged?  But if you really really want to, as long as you don't put down a deposit there is no harm.
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • SKP82SKP82 member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I really don't think it's a good idea to do any planning before  you're engaged. 

    FI and I spent 6 hours yesterday driving around looking at venues.  Our wedding has become the #1 topic of conversation between the 2 of us.  I'm pretty sure that if he knew all this before proposing, he might have waited a little longer. 

    Wedding planning is kind of a pain.  Seriously.  Don't put your SO through it until he has made a commitment to marry you (to me, that means a proposal).
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    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
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