Deployment Blues

matcha · October 2011

It's been 13 months. We are in the home-stretch, but its hitting me pretty hard right now. Even he's having a bit more home-sickness than usual. Any advice? I'm just trying to stay busy- wedding planning is definitely helping with that!

firsttimersluck · October 2011

Oh goodness I'm so sorry. That's a painful deployment, but remember that you have already been away from each other for THIRTEEN MONTHS!! That's freakin' forever!! If you can do that you can do this last little bit, whatever that may be.
I'm glad that the wedding planning is helping! Have you made him a welcome home banner yet? Those are always fun

When H and I hit the home stretch we started feeling SUPER lonely and clingy and all that jazz.. We decided to work on lists (seperately) of things we want to do the first day he gets back, first week, first month, and the months after that. It kinda helped make it feel real that it was getting close, and let us plan stuff to have to look forward to. The wedding is fun, but what he is going to want is his life back! As will you! So consider doing that.. We first wrote the "day" list and emailed it to each other.. It was fun to see how similar our list was.. Then we did the 'week" one.. then the month, etc. It made for good, new conversation, and helped him perk up.
Consider starting regiments as if his homecoming were prom or your wedding. Teeth whiting toothpaste, better flossing, washing your face, gym/work out goals, etc... Trying to remember to get all that stuff in makes those last few weeks FLY by.

How is the wedding planning coming? What are the recent checks you have taken care of? What are the things you are working on right now? Hope all is well

matcha · October 2011

Thank you for the lovely message, firsttimersluck! He had some pre-deployment trainings before his actual deployment, so this separation has gone on pretty much forever. We were lucky to have 4 years together before this crazy year!

I love the list idea! I know he has a running list of restaurants and foods he wants to eat when he gets back, lol. It would be fun to expand it!

I've definitely been hitting the gym a lot and watching my foods to prepare for him coming back. I'll start working on some of those other ideas (whitening my teeth! Love it!) pronto! Any other beauty regime tips or ideas? It may be easier to do some of these while he is away...

I am in school getting my Master's, so this week I am flying back to our home state and choosing our venue and caterer- and wedding date! So that's pretty exciting. Otherwise, its been slow moving on the wedding planning front. I found that it is hard to decide things if you don't know when or where you are getting married. :-)

Thank you for the support. I appreciate any advice I can get!

ggirl2001 · October 2011

Ditto FTL.

What you going to school for? when is your wedding? (If you said this some other time I apologize)

firsttimersluck · October 2011

hahaha oh my goodness girl, pick that wedding date!!! Oh better yet, make him pick it

You can't do much without that date picked.. and I will warn you that you may want to find a venue before you search high and low for a caterer, because many places have specific caterer lists that you have to choose from. (boo on those venues) Get those things narrowed down! Don't forget to google places like local parks and rec, museums, etc.. Things that don't always pop up when you google "wedding venues". That's how we found ours which was at a ferry/cruise terminal. We were sooo lucky without venue, it was the cheapest we could find, incredible view, and we could pick any vendors we wanted. GL with the vendor shopping

Making specific lists of that stuff will help too!

(Also, the guest list and the addresses take. forever. to . get. I would start your guest list (even if it's just family so far that you know of) and start getting those addresses because you will be sooo happy when invite/STD time comes and you have a nice easy list.)

More ideas..
-At one point H and I decided to read the same book. I sent him a Harry Potter book and we read them together (chapter at a time) so we had something to talk about besides how much deployment sucks :P

-I love to cook, so I researched a bunch of different recipes I wanted to make for him when he got home (especially his "welcome home dinner"). A couple things I did dry runs for (and fed them to my friends... it's a fun way to have a friend dinner party, they'll appreciate it, and you'll love that you get guinea pigs to test on first

) I had a list of dinner recipes ready to make for him when he returned. He was in heaven with the home-cooked meals.

-Do you take vitamins? It's amazing how much those will give you extra energy (or the energy that you SHOULD have but aren't getting because you're not getting what your bod needs!) Start doing your research woman! I took the time to really research vitamins and now I feel like an old lady with my Vitamin C, Calcium, multi, and fishoil. hahaha... It'll help your mood too though.. That's why I mention this one, even though I know it's a little silly and random.

-Have you picked out your outfit to wear when he first comes home? Don't forget that one.

- Do you guys live together, or do you live on your own? H and I lived together when he deployed, so I made the office and the guest bedroom my project. I gave myself a limit on money and researched some good DIY projects that would be super cheap such as:
I bought three canvas boards on sale at Michaels (they have 40% coupons every week) and bought a funky design of fabric at JoAnns, staples it to the canvas and hung the three of them together above the bed. They look awesome! And cost about 25 bucks as oppose to the hundred at Target.

I also started the deep clean movement. One day I cleaned every since window pane (you know how gross those cracks and creases get!), one day I scruuuuubbed the bathrooms. Took everything out and reorganized. I did the same with the kitchen... etc. It seems like that stuff doesn't take long, but the return date will sneak up on you and you'll realize you are out of time to do these things!

Ditto ggirl on your degree?

calindi · October 2011

Hang in there! I haven't been in your shoes, so I feel ill equipped to offer any kind of advice, but I feel for you. That seems like a super long time! I'm hearing 6-9 months for FI's future deployments, and even that seems like a long time to me.

Maybe give yourself an activity every week to look forward to while you wait? Schedule a mani/pedi with a friend, a movie night at home with PJs and lots of snacks with a few girlfriends and put on mud masks, trying a new restaurant, etc. If you don't have any friends nearby or available to do those things, maybe treat yourself to something - a facial, a massage, mani/pedi, etc. It will make you enjoy the time before he gets home, and gives you something else to break up the time rather than just think about how long until he gets home.

Definitely exercise and try to focus on getting lots of sleep. Looking forward to when he gets back and you post an AW thread with a picture of your smiling face (or crying happy tears) with your arms around him at his homecoming!

firsttimersluck · October 2011

YES! homecoming pictures! We need a homecoming picture thread.

)

matcha · October 2011

I love the idea of a homecoming picture! Maybe we can lump that in with some engagement shots, since he proposed during his mid-tour break and we haven't been able to do that yet. And a special outfit sounds perfectly wonderful! I have definitely been neglecting the beauty part of my world since I really didn't have anyone to impress. Maybe I'll splurge on some new makeup as well, since mine is about 2 years old now.

I am getting my Masters in Public Administration with a focus on school administration. I've been trying to stay flexible with the wedding date to make it fit with whichever venue I fall in love with, but definitely this summer. As soon as I chose the venue, I'll have the date, and then I can find the caterer, photographer, etc...

We use to live together, but I am now stuck in a hole they dare call on-campus housing. We'll be living together again once he returns, but I won't be able to really create anything because we'll be moving into a new place after the holidays and hopefully after he gets back.

You sparked an idea: it would be fun to maybe try and organize a homecoming party with his friends! I know military has the tendency to not stick with its timelines, but it may be worth a shot. And pictures!

Thank you for all your kindness. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is making me ready for him to be home.

ggirl2001 · October 2011

What's your undergrad degree in? I contemplated going for school administration after I finished up my undergrad degree, but ended up going for the school counseling masters instead.

Is your homestate NY or is that where you are in school?

Homecoming party is a good time if you can make it work. If anything, it can be planned last minute if need be. Definitely do an outfit for him. I wore a new outfit when my H came back. I also had a friend do my hair for me.

I hear ya on the make up thing. I never buy new makeup and really need to. I figure since I suck at doing it myself anyway why spend the money.

What is the theme of your wedding? Basically, what look are you going for? Any colors picked out?

firsttimersluck · October 2011

Yes! A homecoming party is a GREAT idea, but a word of warning: he will want to be alone with you for the first couple days after he returns. H actually wantedto see NO ONE but me for the first two weeks. So make sure you give plenty of time for him to settle back in and check with how much he thinks he may want with you before he is ready to see everyone again.
You don't have to have professional pics taken! I just had a girlfriend come with me (another spouse) and use my camera for me like these:

That's all we mean by homecoming pictures.

They don't need to be professional at all!
I know what you mean. I'm a TOTAL slacker when H is gone with my beautiful, makeup, hair, etc. But now that he is getting close to the coming home time, you can pick those things back up again

Welcome to the board again! Hope you stick around with us!

matcha · October 2011

I have a liberal arts degree as my undergrad. I'm not from NY, but that's where I ended up for school (I'm a sucker for big names and bribes). We are actually from New Mexico, which is where we are getting married!

We are going for an outdoors ceremony and reception, since the southwest is beautiful. I am aiming for having the warm colors of the sunset as the primary color palate (coral, if you want an exact color like my mother does, with a dusty blue accent.) I also want to add elements of travel as well, since we really enjoy doing that together. In fact, he flew me to Turkey during his mid-tour break and that's where he proposed. I'm not entirely sure how to pull it all together yet, but I'm hoping I'll be inspired by the venue.

I'm flying back home this weekend to look at venues and talk to caterers. So I'll know a lot more by next Monday, which is when I'll have seen all the venues and made my decision! (gulp) I'm just hoping he'll be available to see the pictures I take and announce any opinions that day. Otherwise I'm making this decision pretty much on my own, which is sorta sad. I asked him if he had any thoughts of things he wanted, but all he said he wanted was someplace that would make this easy and low-stress for me. He's awesome like that.

I think I'll only be willing to share him after a few days alone first, so the party would definitely be after that. Especially if he comes home in the middle of holiday madness, which is entirely possible. And I'll definitely try to wrangle a friend to take pictures! I'm not entirely sure how the unit will organize them coming home, but hopefully he'll let me know eventually. How does that usually work? Do you meet them at the airport, or some other place?

ggirl2001 · October 2011

And then after you get all prettified for his homecoming, soon after you will be back to not caring.. Or is that just me haha?

firsttimersluck · October 2011

LOL at ggirl.. :P

Umm.. every unit, squadron, branch, etc is different honestly. So I have NO idea how you guys will do it. My H flew his plane back, so he just taxied the plane right up to the hanger that we were all waiting at on base and walked off to see me.

Army tends to be more formation based (but not always)... Marines are totally all different depending on aviation, boat, land, etc. I have no idea about AF..
You will have to ask your ombudsman or a fellow spouse.
awww that's so sweet! He proposed in Turkey?!?! adorable. We had the theme of travel as an undertone to our wedding. Our officiant read a passage from the book of Ruth about following each other and travel, our first dance was "come away with me" by Norah Jones, etc.
That's also why we chose a venue with a view of the ocean... fitting for my sailor

ggirl2001 · October 2011

I'm not sure how that works. For H's return it was on base in the hangar he works at. (he's an airframer). We basically sat around waiting for a few hours (they were delayed) and then when they got off the plane they allowed us to walk towards them and meet the Marines (that's not usually allowed I guess). He will have more details for you as his return date gets closer and such.

Also, I love your ideas for your wedding. It sounds beautiful! And your proposal story is so sweet. Our theme was beach, since we got marrid on a beach haha. The best way to describe it is romantic beach style. It was very traditional in some ways, i.e. my bouquet was just pink roses and white hydrangeas. My H wasn't deployed when we picked a venue, but he was in another state. I basically forwarded him an email with all the pics, we discussed it over the course of a few days and then I put a deposit down a few days later. I get the whole planning long distance. I'm from NY, my wedding was in FL, H was in SC or deployed during planning. It gets hectic but its possible to do and I'm sure he will love what you pick!

Danidawn20 · October 2011

I can understand how you feel. the first time FI was gone it was 11 months. now his gone for about 8 months (he'll get back right before the wedding fingers crossed) but I ditto all of the pps.

firsttimersluck · October 2011

danidawn your siggy makes me want to curl up with hot chocolate or a pumpkin spice latte

and make pumpkin pies

oh man

SamiJoeB · October 2011

This is/was a great post!! I think I've been feeling the blues and haven't really been able to put my finger on it!! My H isn't deployed, but when he comes home in Feb it will have been 1 year, 1 month and 18 days (Not that I'm counting or anything...). I had to go shopping today for an interview I have at school coming up and I was amazed at the difference in sizes (Yay me!!), but also how much I hated being taken out of my jeans/sweat pants/tshirt/hoodie routine.. I was like "Noooooooo!!" I made a promise to myself that if I finish this semester on the deans list I'll buy myself a few new outfits.. I'll probably still do it, but it was a nice incentive!!

How much longer do you have? (Not an exact date you know, but like 2 months? more or less?) we'll get through it!!

calindi · October 2011

Sami, I'll buy you a new homecoming outfit! You deserve it! Come shop with me ;-) Yay homecoming photos! I love the idea of a party. I say first comes spousfe/significant other, then family, then friends. Figure out the details, but set it in such way that you can say "GO!" and someone else takes care of the details. Maybe a good friend? I just volunteered to plan something similar for a friend of mine. To set everything in place, but to be able to text her, "GO!" and know that she'll take care of the details and invites and coordination with the venue and RSVP's?

crownsuperstar · October 2011

Make room in the boat ladies! I am currently there. H's just started so I am on the up hill side of this thing!

This fall for me is really hard since we enjoy going to college football games and tailgating. I am always wanting to pick up the phone and call him about something that I heard and then I remember it is not that easy. I was a little sad this weekend as well since it was Octoberfest in my town and we always love going to that.

matcha · October 2011

Technically the military doesn't have to bring my FI back until after the holiday season, but they have promised to try to bring them back before then! So, a little over two months-ish-maybe? You know how the military timelines can be...

For me, the beginning and now the end of the deployment has been the worst. First the change was tough and now the anticipation is totally killing me. Every so often I unconciously call his number wanting to tell him some random thing and get the disconnected tone. My blues may also have to do with the fact that I'm deep in wedding planning mode and it continuously reminds me of how much I love him and how great we are together. Crown, I totally feel you on the painful reminders. The best advice I can give is to keep busy and fill your activities with friends.

I just remembered I had a gift card from, like, two years ago to J.Crew. It isn't a lot, but its a little something to go toward a new homecoming outfit! Yay!

My FI is in the NG, so I don't have a lot of other friends/wives with connections to the military. It really is nice to have a support board for this sort of thing.

SamiJoeB · October 2011

Lucky You Match!! H won't get to come home for the holidays (or our first anniversary) but I'm planning on suprising him by having our (His M-T, Our's on the weekends) decorated for Christmas when he gets home! And planning on making a delicious yet romantic dinner to celebrate our anniversary.. It'll just be about 2 months late!! I hope they get to keep their word and that you get your FI for Christmas!!

Crown- You can always talk college foot ball to me!!! H gets bored with me because I'm mildly obsessed with it (he's more into Hockey). I was talking to him about the Alabama/Florida game and he was like "uh huh, yeah, wowww" haha..

C-I just might take you up on that offer!!

crownsuperstar · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_deployment-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:012f6c91-132a-4799-9b6a-618cf743b6d7Post:a07d1294-d0b4-4ba0-bed8-3efc9852384f">Re: Deployment Blues</a>:
[QUOTE]Lucky You Match!! H won't get to come home for the holidays (or our first anniversary) but I'm planning on suprising him by having our (His M-T, Our's on the weekends) decorated for Christmas when he gets home! And planning on making a delicious yet romantic dinner to celebrate our anniversary.. It'll just be about 2 months late!! I hope they get to keep their word and that you get your FI for Christmas!! <strong>Crown- You can always talk college foot ball to me!!! H gets bored with me because I'm mildly obsessed with it (he's more into Hockey). I was talking to him about the Alabama/Florida game and he was like "uh huh, yeah, wowww" haha..</strong> C-I just might take you up on that offer!!
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

You got it!!!! Thanks! I have the honor <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /> of being a USC (the real USC as in University of South Carolina) and by honor I mean shaking my head and always losing my voice on Saturdays. Of course I am also a Bama fan...yeah that's right Roll Tide.

I too am midly obsessed!!! I mean I have to wear the same jewlery on the same wrist with the same outfit. As a matter of fact since USC won the first game and we were all sitting outside we now must sit outside during each game no matter the temps. That after all is what blankets are for. We tried messing with the tradition and USC lost this weekend to that other team...Auburn (spit) HUM!!!

Deployment Blues

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