Community› Local Wedding Boards› New York-Upstate
New York-Upstate
New Discussion
Options

Invite list and how to be fair to both sides...

CMM724CMM724 member
First Comment
in New York-Upstate
So my Mom and FMIL gave me their invite list a few weeks ago and my mom has 65 people (after she cut her list) and FMIL has 85 people on it! 

I've been told by several friends that their lists should be pretty even.  The same people also asked who was paying for the weddig, my parents and my future hubby and I are the one's pitching in.  His parents are only paying for the rehersal dinner.  They want to go the traditional route when it comes to who pays. (which brings up a whole host of other things they should pay for in that respect, but some other time)

It was advised to me that if future hubby's parents aren't paying for reception and such then they should be the ones to cut their list or offer to pay for the extras.  I am asking about this now b/c the moms, future hubby and I are getting together to go over the lists and I want some help!  I think FMIL needs to re-evaluate her list.

Future hubby does come from a large family on his dad's side and I want all family to come.  I don't want the random neighbors kids to come, or some people whose kids wedding they went to 5 years ago...that's a little much for me.

HELP!

Thanks
Report Reply to Post

Re: Invite list and how to be fair to both sides...

  • Options
    LuvNyYanksLuvNyYanks
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I really feel it should be more even.....I am having 150 and let me tell ya, if its not even my mom will have a FIT!! LOL.....I am just telling my FMIL that she has 75 people to invite...if she dont like it, tough! She already had her daughter get married and had ALL those people there...they dont need to be at mine!!

    Good luck!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    annabear07annabear07
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The best way to do this is to sit down and talk about the size of wedding that you can afford.  DO NOT go down the my parents and us are paying for the reception and you are not route.  While it makes sense and is the truth it is not the best way to approach it.  It is better to say, "we budgeted for X amount of people and to be fair we would like those who we know to be included."  We had to go through several rounds of negotiation with the guest list and still had a few last minute invites come in.  Just stay strong with the number but be polite and noncombative.  Good Luck!  This is only the begining!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    mrsshewolf2010mrsshewolf2010
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FH  has cut his side of the family down and cut out the children,we are aiming for Adult reception only and trying to figure out about everything, and Im getting put in the middle bout the whole wedding due to my parents & my FH is paying for it, & his parents i think are contributing as well &Our Goal is Just to GET MARRIED,  He made cuts to guest and I made the same cuts but now i had to add guests on my side of the family & they have children and i dont know what to do im stuck in the middle trying to be fair to my FH& his FMIL, We dont want a huge wedding party,let alone like over x amount of people and were trying to keep it under 5G's for the whole wedding and Im stressed due to  getting put in the middle and dont know what to say or do!!!
    Kim&Bill
    October 9,2010
    260 days til our wedding day 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jennob98jennob98
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We were able to cut out 30 people by making a rule that no 2nd cousins are invited, he had 28 and I only had 2.  Make a rules and stick to them that way no one can be insulted.  Also I think it really depends on who is paying for it!!
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards