bride driving me nuts:(

shiolands · June 2012

So I got married last June, and my close friend just recently got engaged. She is very indecisive. She asked for my help since I planned my own wedding.
Problem being:
They have a ridiculous low budget & too many demands.
They want different things.
She wants me to basically plan her wedding but there is no money!
I volunteered, as I was asked, to help her but she doesn't make up her mind.
She is a brat! Like, who cares what my bm look like brat.
I'm not even the MOH. I know she's not even gonna ask me.

I don't mind trying to do what I can but is hard to because I feel like she's dreaming of a wedding she can't have. They keep having arguments and I don't want to be a part of it. I also offered because none of her friends are even bothering to see how she us doing. When I was planning my wedding, my mom did so much for me! She did the centerpieces to start off with, and they were amazing. Her parents are no help so I can feel her frustration but does that mean my mom has to help her like she did with me? I know that if I asked her she would say yes because she's that way, but I don't wanna put a burden on her. But the bride clearly thinks this is something I should be doing. I even let her borrow money, so I just wanna vent and also ask when do I know if I'm doing too much? I have a husband that I don't wanna complain to, but he clearly knows I'm frustrated. She hinted before I'd be her maid of honor, but she obviously forgot so... any advice?

krose83013 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_bride-driving-me-nuts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:8f20df6f-5fb3-4950-a63f-6341e90c2f6aPost:c1e7be1e-72d2-4dd9-a291-5d427a06ecab">bride driving me nuts:(</a>:
[QUOTE]So I got married last June, and my close friend just recently got engaged. She is very indecisive. She asked for my help since I planned my own wedding. Problem being: They have a ridiculous low budget & too many demands. They want different things. She wants me to basically plan her wedding but there is no money! I volunteered, as I was asked, to help her but she doesn't make up her mind. She is a brat! Like, who cares what my bm look like brat. I'm not even the MOH. I know she's not even gonna ask me. I don't mind trying to do what I can but is hard to because I feel like she's dreaming of a wedding she can't have. They keep having arguments and I don't want to be a part of it. I also offered because none of her friends are even bothering to see how she us doing. When I was planning my wedding, my mom did so much for me! She did the centerpieces to start off with, and they were amazing. Her parents are no help so I can feel her frustration but does that mean my mom has to help her like she did with me? I know that if I asked her she would say yes because she's that way, but I don't wanna put a burden on her. But the bride clearly thinks this is something I should be doing. I even let her borrow money, so I just wanna vent and also ask when do I know if I'm doing too much? I have a husband that I don't wanna complain to, but he clearly knows I'm frustrated. She hinted before I'd be her maid of honor, but she obviously forgot so... any advice?
Posted by shiolands[/QUOTE]

Wow...I'm just in the beginning of my planning phase so this might not be a lot of help. But number one, why are you letting her borrow money? Esp with the way she's acting! It sounds like you're being taken advantage of and you need to put your foot down. If she's getting away with treating you like this now, imagine if she does ask you to be the MOH. I'm' sorry but the least she can do is be grateful that you are helping her, maybe you need to have a heart to heart.

Vintage Queen · June 2012

Bow out gracefully NOW! You do not owe your friend anything and giving her a little advice would be nice but that is it! Your friend needs to sit down and create a budget. there are plenty of tools to use from the Knot and also the internet. Once she has a budget, then hopefully reality will set in and she can get a grip on exactly what she can and can't afford. You are a friend and not a wedding planner. If she would like a planner, there are plenty out there that ca help her and that way, you can either enjoy her wedding as a guest ot MOH. If asked, read up on MOH duties, 1st.

acaponi87 · June 2012

It's her wedding, let her plan it.

"Friend. I can't help you out anymore. It's stressing me out and I think it's going to stress our relationship as well."

Get out now. And get your money back. Don't give her money.

shiolands · June 2012

I honestly don't know why, I am not the type that just sits there and watch when someone needs help. she said she will pay me June 5th, so hopefully she comes to me instead of me having to ask her. funny thing is, I'm 20 years old, she is 26, and I am way more mature and easy going. I was the chillest bride, like who cares if things go wrong and I can't fix them the day of the wedding kind of bride. I also helped pay for the wedding, as we didn't ask anybody for help but our parents did help as much as they could. but her case is completely different. he thought it was the parents package to pay for their wedding, and she thinks that the groom should pay everything, including her outfit! so its stressing to even have to tell them both that they are wrong! I think I'm going to just show them the things I did and have them figure it out. I guess what bugs me most I'd her attitude. she's a bridezilla and I have been too patient. she acts like a princess that deserves a nice wedding because that's her big day bla bla bla. I'm always realistic and all I get is having her on the phone talk about her stressful life etc. I know this is only gonna get worse.. I just really don't think she will get the hint, if she already hasn't. For my wedding, she was a brat for a bm, so I can only expect the worse. Sad part, nobody puts up with her but me.

futuremrsbruno · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_bride-driving-me-nuts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:8f20df6f-5fb3-4950-a63f-6341e90c2f6aPost:c1e7be1e-72d2-4dd9-a291-5d427a06ecab">bride driving me nuts:(</a>:
[QUOTE]So I got married last June, and my close friend just recently got engaged. She is very indecisive. She asked for my help since I planned my own wedding. Problem being: They have a ridiculous low budget & too many demands. They want different things. She wants me to basically plan her wedding but there is no money! I volunteered, as I was asked, to help her but she doesn't make up her mind. She is a brat! Like, who cares what my bm look like brat. I'm not even the MOH. I know she's not even gonna ask me. I don't mind trying to do what I can but is hard to because I feel like she's dreaming of a wedding she can't have. They keep having arguments and I don't want to be a part of it. I also offered because none of her friends are even bothering to see how she us doing. When I was planning my wedding, my mom did so much for me! She did the centerpieces to start off with, and they were amazing. Her parents are no help so I can feel her frustration but does that mean my mom has to help her like she did with me? I know that if I asked her she would say yes because she's that way, but I don't wanna put a burden on her. But the bride clearly thinks this is something I should be doing. I even let her borrow money, so I just wanna vent and also ask when do I know if I'm doing too much? I have a husband that I don't wanna complain to, but he clearly knows I'm frustrated. She hinted before I'd be her maid of honor, but she obviously forgot so... any advice?
Posted by shiolands[/QUOTE]

1. It sounds like she asked you to act as her wedding planner/coordinator because she was impressed with what you did for your own wedding. You should be flattered.

2. Did you sit her down and explain to her, in a very honest and blunt way that she either needs to rethink her budget, or she's going to need to know she won't be able to afford what she wants? She came to you for advice, and may not know how much your wedding costs. I had no clue what weddings cost until I started researching mine. Then we planned the budget accordingly.

3. It sounds like she is very early in the planning stages of her wedding. I couldn't make up my mind when I first started planning. If you know this is how she is, and she wants you to help, and you've agreed, why don't you see what it is she has her eye on and help her narrow things down to 2 cost effective choices. Some people are naturally like this. I changed my mind a million times before I started buying things. That's normal. Not every bride knows exactly what she wants. It's why she came to you in the first place!

4. Her asking for your help does not mean she needs to ask you to be her MOH. That's presumptious on your part, not anything wrong on hers. You do not choose your wedding party based on the ability to plan the wedding.

You also mentioned her BM's not helping and your mom being helpful. Again, this isn't like that for every single bride. It's great you had the help, and you should feel very lucky. I know many brides that are doing the whole thing solo. You don't know why her BM's aren't helping her.

It sounds like what she wanted you to do and what you thought you were going to do are two different things. I would talk to her and if it's not going to work, get out now. Also, get your money back. That was a crazy thing to do. If she can't afford her budget, paying you back is going to be equally as hard.

divinemsbee · June 2012

Everything Mrs. Bruno said. Seriously. And don't loan her any more money that you're not willing to never see again (not saying your friend is untrustworthy, but that's a good rule of thumb in loaning money).

Also, it's great that you're mom helped you, really, it is. Mine is being as supportive as she can, but she lives in UT, I live in TX, and the wedding is in MS, so not everyone has what you do. In addition, my mom is one of the least crafty people I know, so I know she won't be the one helping me with centerpieces. It's great that you have that, but a lot of people don't.

You need to tell her that you're happy to help (if you are), but that you're not going to pay, and that she and her groom need to work out a budget so that you really can help her put things together that aren't going to break the bank. They need to work this out together before she gets too far gone into wedding world with lists of superfluous things. Also, if she doesn't have it, don't let her find out about Pinterest. It can be helpful, but it can also give her even more ideas of things she wants.

shiolands · June 2012

So I talked to her!! Thanks a lot for the advice! She seemed to take it good. She apologized and now she's looking to have a smaller affordable wedding. I'm a happy bridesmaid now. & yes I was flattered that she asked at first but the main problem was they didn't know what they wanted and I don't want to plan my wedding all over again because what if she didn't like it? She had told me I'd be her moh but since she already asked someone else so that was my point, but I'm OK with it. I know I did have my mom help and I was in no way bragging, but she expected my mom to do all her decorations, so that did upset me and mom because she asked in a demanding way. But now that I talked to her it seems like I said things that made her finally realize the way she was acting. Although she didn't say anything about money, I hope she stays true to her word. Thank you all again & happy planning(:

kaos16 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_bride-driving-me-nuts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:8f20df6f-5fb3-4950-a63f-6341e90c2f6aPost:e23d1e76-4ede-4014-9305-6bf63df1f333">Re:bride driving me nuts:(</a>:
[QUOTE]So I talked to her!! Thanks a lot for the advice! She seemed to take it good. She apologized and now she's looking to have a smaller affordable wedding. I'm a happy bridesmaid now. & yes I was flattered that she asked at first but the main problem was they didn't know what they wanted and I don't want to plan my wedding all over again because what if she didn't like it? She had told me I'd be her moh but since she already asked someone else so that was my point, but I'm OK with it. I know I did have my mom help and I was in no way bragging, but she expected my mom to do all her decorations, so that did upset me and mom because she asked in a demanding way. But now that I talked to her it seems like I said things that made her finally realize the way she was acting. Although she didn't say anything about money, I hope she stays true to her word. Thank you all again & happy planning(:
Posted by shiolands[/QUOTE]

What a suspiciously easy turnaround for a problem that was so massive 5 hours ago. Good work!

shiolands · June 2012

In Response to Re:bride driving me nuts:(:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:bride driving me nuts:(:So I talked to her!! Thanks a lot for the advice! She seemed to take it good. She apologized and now she's looking to have a smaller affordable wedding. I'm a happy bridesmaid now. & yes I was flattered that she asked at first but the main problem was they didn't know what they wanted and I don't want to plan my wedding all over again because what if she didn't like it? She had told me I'd be her moh but since she already asked someone else so that was my point, but I'm OK with it. I know I did have my mom help and I was in no way bragging, but she expected my mom to do all her decorations, so that did upset me and mom because she asked in a demanding way. But now that I talked to her it seems like I said things that made her finally realize the way she was acting. Although she didn't say anything about money, I hope she stays true to her word. Thank you all again & happy planning(:Posted by shiolandsWhat a suspiciously easy turnaround for a problem that was so massive 5 hours ago. Good work! Posted by kaos16[/QUOTE]

You have no idea how I was stressing lol.. the last thing I wanted was to upset the bride. But suspiciously? No.

bride driving me nuts:(

Re: bride driving me nuts:(

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