MOG out of the loop

japmater · October 2011

I know that the traditional role of the MOG is to wear beige lace and keep her mouth shut. Problem is, I'm not even sure about the beige lace! My son and his fiancee are planning a formal wedding next May. She has not started to look for a dress yet, has no idea what style/color her bridesmaids will be wearing, and her mother hasn't looked for her own dress either. To quote the fiancee, nobody's worrying about dresses but me. Fine, I can take a hint, I'll stop asking and hope that someday they decide to clue me in. In the meantime, however, I'm wondering if/when I can start looking for my own dress. I'm worried tht if I wait too long I'll have trouble finding, ordering and getting altered something that I really love and will have to settle for what's available. I'm tough to fit - big on the top and not so through the waist/hips, so I know lots of alterations are going to be necessary. How long do I have to wait - til 6 mo. before the wedding? 4 mo.? My son is my only child and this day will be one of the most important in my life.

sister2groom · October 2011

It seems like you're frustrated with the bride for not picking out her dress or the bridesmaid dresses, Iet her worry about that.

The only restrictions on what you wear are that it shouldn't be white or ivory (and given the event, something formal), doesn't have to match (or not match) the bridesmaids. Once you pick something out just tell the bride about it to decrease the likelihood that the MOB will wear something similar.

Maggie0829 · October 2011

You can start looking for your dress whenever you would like. Do not worry about the color clashing with her color choices (whatever they may be) because you are allowed to wear whatever you like (except white...I really frown at people who do this...my opinion). It sounds to me like they are in the early stages of planning and really have no idea what they want yet. I know that you are excited for your sons wedding but you need to relax and let the two of them figure things out...this is, of course, their wedding and they need to make decisions together before speaking with you (unless of course you are paying for some or all of the wedding and then you should totally be in the loop)

Oh and are you talking May 2012 or 2013...if it is 2013 you, the bride and your son/groom have plenty of time to plan this wedding so no need to stress about a dress just yet...just enjoy their engagement for a while.

waltzingmatilda13 · October 2011

You can look for a dress now. It's old news that the mothers have to coordinate or match the BMs. You're an adult and you can wear whatever you want and feel good in (minus white and ivory, of course).

Aiobheann · October 2011

Okay, calm down. You can shop for your dress whenever you like. Stop being dramatic about it. (by dramatic I am referring to the "I can take a hint" when clearly you can't). If you want to get a jump on it-then do so. My mother bought her dress in January for a March Wedding (when she was MOB) and she bought it in the same color family as our wedding colors-but she wanted to and certainly didn't ask my opinion about her outfit. My MIL tried to wear a black dress (in protest of our wedding) to our wedding and hadn't decided until the morning of what dress she was going to wear (her mother had to tell her what to wear). I appreciate that you want to be comfortable in whatever you are wearing for this day-it is a big day for both of you. Try to remember that the bride will get around to planning when she is ready and she isn't ready.

So please, breath and let her plan on her time. If you want to help plan, you can offer to help when she is ready. Ex, next time they are over just let her know that whenever she is ready you would like to help wherever she needs you. In the mean time, shop around for a dress and keep it to yourself until they have started planning.

MairePoppy · October 2011

Everything the other posters have said is true.

It's an old custom that the MOB, who was paying for and hosting the reception, had first choice of dresses. She would 'set the tone' for the MOG. Aren't you glad that most of us don't hold to that rule any longer?

As an MOB, I would tell you that if you find something you love, go ahead and buy it.If you tell me your color choice, I will choose a different color. One old tradition, that still seems to be valid, is that the bride is the only one who should wear white or ivory. So I would stay away from the beige dress, too.

Congratulations and happy shopping.

jmconley08 · October 2011

I'd tell the bride youstarted to do some shopping for your dress and if you find one you like tell her. If she still doesn't say anything get it! It might take that jumpstart for her to realize you need to gte a dress soon. I think you have a bit of time, but I understand you want to be prepared. She might not be into the wedding planning as much as you, but she better look for her dress soon! Most places recommend ordering 6 months out. (She probabaly already knows this though)

Viczaesar · October 2011

The role of the MOG has nothing to do with wearing beige lace or keeping silent.

MyUserName1 · October 2011

I'm getting married in May and I'm fairly certain neither my mother nor my fiance's mother have started looking for dresses.

I doubt anyone is meaning to slight you or anything like that. They probably just haven't thought about that yet! Generally you don't have to choose bridesmaid dresses until at least five months out!

You have plenty of time. Just breathe and try to enjoy (:

gailpete · October 2011

I agree with JMConley. Start looking and if you find something you like, let her know you found something and plan to order it. If it is a May 2012 wedding she better get a move on. You have some more time. I ordered my dress in February and it arrived at the end of May for a July wedding. Enjoy this special time.

OliveOilsMom · October 2011

My FMIL bought her dress less than a month after FI and I got engaged. We hadn't even set a date yet, except to say it would be at least a year out. We have ended up with a March 2012 wedding, so the engagement period will be 15 months long and she will have had her dress for 14 months! So go shopping whenever you want! Let the bride worry about her dress, the bridesmaid dresses, and the MOB dress. Like a PP said, just let her know what you've picked out so her mom doesn't potentially pick out something similar.

ginadog · February 2012

My mom (MOB) is completely out of the loop. She doesn't even know when I went dress shopping or any details. She is just a guest like everyone else is. No ones parents are involved in any of the planning what so ever. She is just not interested and has too much going on with herself already.

So pick out a lovely dress and go with it! Luckily it's not your day to worry about, the bride and groom can pull it together.

MOG out of the loop

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