ahhh, Catholic weddings

jenjlgsings · July 2012

Every time I attend a non-Catholic wedding, I appreciate the tradition and meaning of our faith that much more.

I was at a wedding on Friday that was almost unbelievable. The ceremony was at the reception site and they had so many things thrown in it was just strange. There was a hand ceremony, a rose ceremony, a covenant signing, a symbol of eternity thing with a hoop and some other stuff. While it was an interestsing idea to incorporate things that are meaningful to you when faith is not, it was so mismatched and all over the board. As guests we were standing around wondering what the heck was going on.

Even one of my fiance's non Catholic (actually, usually quite anti-Catholic) friend commented about how "there is something to your tradition"

I'm not meaning to knock non Catholic weddings - to each their own. I just recognize the incredible beauty of our sacraments more and more every time I attend something like this.

professorscience · July 2012

I totally know what you mean -- I really love weddings, but I do tend to get a little confused when people try to mix in every little tradition they've heard of. I definitely roll my eyes when I see some of my friends pinning things that I'm not sure they get.

When Hunger Games was gaining popularity, I remember joking that before long we were going to see brides coming onto various boards complaining that their church/ceremony site wouldn't let them light a fire so they could toast some bread.

ETA: I think cultural traditions, like hand fasting or the lasso ceremony, are really beautiful, but I meant to say that I totally agree with you that lumping a ton of traditions together because you saw them online or on Four Weddings is really silly.

Resa77 · July 2012

I know what you mean. I can appreciate people's traditions, but I can't help but roll my eyes a little at some things, particularly when it looks like they're just throwing in random elements because they saw it on a movie.

My thing is that I hate when people write their own vows. I've only seen it done once or twice where I really appreciated it, but honestly, I could do without.

monkeysip · July 2012

Completely agree.

Although I don't mind people writing their own vows, I hate it when they're too quirky and specific. "I promise to let you have the remote control, and I promise to bake you your favorite muffins." What? The basic promise to be someone's wife or husband for life, regardless of sickness, poverty, etc. should still be the fundamental vow. All that other stuff is like they're trying to put comedy in the vows.

Resa77 · July 2012

I think that's why I hate when they write their own vows, because it's like, why not just use the classic ones? Usually it's either full of inside jokes, and that just doesn't seem serious; or it's serious and says the same things as the pre-written ones, except not as succinctly or eloquently lol.

Ciardasully · July 2012

I totally agree with PP's.

It's funny. One of my co-workers asked if I was writing my own vows. I said no, I was doing the Catholic special. While people can write beautiful vows, I joke that it is easier to go with Church vows because I don't have to worry about forgetting them.

professorscience · July 2012

Ha, when we said our vows, the priest was apparently quiet enough that people thought we were reciting them from memory!

lindsaynewbride10 · July 2012

I've been to ONE wedding where the B&G wrote their own vows, in a very non-religious wedding where I truly appreciated what they were saying to one another. It was the most beautiful wedding I've seen outside of a Catholic wedding mass.

professorscience · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_ahhh-catholic-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d8be1be0-c65a-4ba8-9d45-a60de478d5d5Post:6e57844a-72c0-4fe7-a35f-11577ef65b6d">Re: ahhh, Catholic weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been to ONE wedding where the B&G wrote their own vows, in a very non-religious wedding where I truly appreciated what they were saying to one another. It was the most beautiful wedding I've seen outside of a Catholic wedding mass.
Posted by lindsaynewbride10[/QUOTE]

<div>I think sometimes the personal vows can be really, really beautiful. Other times, like PP said, they're just silly.</div>

ElisabethJoanne · July 2012

This reminds me of a wedding weekend some friends went on. At the Saturday wedding, the "Protestant" minister apparently gave a sermon that perfectly described Christian marriage. Sunday, they went to a noon Mass where the celebrant ad libbed the Consecration, making it invalid.

It also reminds me of a wedding in the Extraoridnary Form I attended. The Priest made some comment about who could receive Communion. A small group of friends got together for brunch the next day (not an official day-after brunch) and talked about it for hours. As the only person at the table who couldn't receive Communion, I found whatever was said entirely innocuous. Other friends thought the phrasing was uncharitably exclusionary.

MedStudent13 · July 2012

LOL oh Four Weddings. I love that show, especially when you get to see the random stuff they throw into ceremonies. My ultimate pet peeve: a unity cocktail.

Eliz77 · July 2012

I have yet to attend a wedding where I felt the couple was overboard with certain "unifying" tactics, or sillyness in vows, that sort of thing would annoy me and make me feel like they are making fun of marriage ("I pormise to share the remote...I promise not to track mud in the house..."). I do like when couples are able to make the ceremony about them, choosing readings or vows that they feel represent them, their relationship, embarking on the most beautiful journey of life and not just about following proper etiquette. I felt we spend a good amount of time putting our ceremony together, thoroughly discussing how certain readings applied to us, and talking to the Deacon about us, our relationship, our future goals, etc. I was so incredibly happy to see he got what we were all about, and his reflection really, well, reflected that! Someone videoed for us, and I cannot wait to revisit the day because I just can't remember what those little comments were that made me go,"Wait, he gets it!"

I've been at a couple Catholic ceremonies where I felt it was just ticking off each item and I was very happy when mine didn't have that same feel. Until now, there were a couple non-Catholic weddings I attended that I have to admit left me feeling a bit wistful about, thinking how it so suited the couple, not following a specific traditional schedule, but after my own, I realize with the right officiator, Catholic or not, religious ceremony or not, every couple should be able to feel that emotional connection, feel that even though Catholics view marriage as the sacrament, those in attendence really are there to support and witness something very meaningful, something that transcends unity candles or sand bottles or whatever.

I knew we liked our Deacon as a person. I had no idea I would look back on my day and feel like he is now a member of my family. Even my father, who is a bit skeptic when it comes to the Church, was blown away by him and told me multiple times he could not have picked a better person to be a part of my day.

Sorry this got long, but as a newly wed, I'm a bit sentimental! I guess the only other thing I have to say is...I've always believed religion is what YOU make of it. For some that may not be an exact religion, and their ceremonies reflect on it. I've been blessed to witness loved ones marry both in and outside the Church and never attended a wedding I felt was a farce, even if I feel mine was more special being in the Church. I think if someone is not a believer, they should not marry in the Church, and whatever route they take, writing their own vows, receiting poetry or whatever, does not place their marriage or their wedding day as lesser than mine.

mattylovesmilly · July 2012

What really gets me is where the traditional come from. I mean, what means more? A unifying tradition that goes back a thousand years, or something someone saw on a soap opera and thought was romantic (like the unity candle)? I don't think things like that have meaning just because someone puts the word "unity" in front of it.

Eliz77 · July 2012

^^^But what if for a specific couple that IS meaningful and symbolic, that it represents what they feel is the two of them uniting? Just like for non-Catholics, some of our traditions do not hold a meaningful place in their ceremony, I don't think there is a right versus wrong way to determine what a couple may feel is appropriate in their marriage ceremonies, or represents their "unity".

Granted, I've never seen a unity candle or sand bottle or lassos or broom jumping in any wedding I've attended so I don't know 1st hand any couples who feel it is a significant part in their ceremony. All I know is my Deacon brought up the unity candle, explained how he feels it would play out in a ceremony, we said no, thanks, and that was that. I also didn't do flowers to the Blessed Mother or communion, and I still was beyond happy with my day, and wouldn't change a single detail. It suited us to a tee and we're now a married couple. However, I respect it may not have been the ceremony for all other couples, and that is fine too!

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