Asking Guests to Ship Gifts?

marywimsatt350 · July 2012

I am getting married in Kentucky, but my fiance and I live in Colorado. We are having a large wedding (500-600 guests). Is it bad etiquette to ask guests to ship gifts to our home in Colorado? Normally I wouldn't care to ship things back, but with so many guests I think the number of gifts may be a little outrageous for us to ship back ourselves. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

AdeleDazeem · July 2012

I really think it's not awesome when the bride and groom say "I don't want to pay to ship things so, you, guest... you pay for it."

If they were going to ship it anyway, sure - it's the same amount of money for the guest. But, if they bought it near their home and then you're saying "now pay to ship it to us!" it's just rude.

Many people will ship without you saying anything. Set aside some money and pay to ship any gifts you do recieve at the wedding back yourself. It's the most polite thing to do.

dumdumfroggie · July 2012

No, you can't ask people to ship gifts.

However, most people will know you're out of town, so my guess would be that a large number will either bring cash or ship it to your home in advance. Otherwise, you need to make transport arrangements for the gifts.

MyUserName1 · July 2012

It would be rude to ask guests to ship gifts. Most of them have the common sense to ship them to your house rather than bring them to the wedding, especially since you live many states away.

egm900 · July 2012

You also might consider registering for gifts that are easy to transport on a plane (sheets, towels, etc.). We are in the same position, we've invited 440 people, and the wedding is 1,000 miles from where we live. My parents will hold onto to anything we can't take back right away with us, but we were conscious of the fact that we needed to transport or ship the gifts when we registered. I've lived this far away from my family for years though, so I deal with this every Christmas. I have taken 8 place settings of dishes on a plane with me, it just takes good packing.

AbbeyS2011 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-guests-to-ship-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b66e678-5ba8-45e6-80c5-fb292a998057Post:c2d85c80-614d-47f1-b217-b2b467f774b8">Re: Asking Guests to Ship Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've heard that people will return gifts from their registry in the wedding city and repurchase them in their home city. That sounds like a major PITA though.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

That would be tedious, to say the least.

Mrs.B6302007 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-guests-to-ship-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b66e678-5ba8-45e6-80c5-fb292a998057Post:c231ddef-5d99-4147-89df-1f5b684bb973">Asking Guests to Ship Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am getting married in Kentucky, but my fiance and I live in Colorado. We are having a large wedding (500-600 guests). Is it bad etiquette to ask guests to ship gifts to our home in Colorado? Normally I wouldn't care to ship things back, but with so many guests I think the number of gifts may be a little outrageous for us to ship back ourselves. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Posted by marywimsatt350[/QUOTE]

Yes, that request would be very poor etiquette. The responsibility of shipping or getting them home is on you.

whitsy · July 2012

Sorry, but it's your responsibility. Maybe you could keep your registry small in the hopes of getting cash/gift cards? Or register on Amazon or something where they will have to be shipped anyway, and include your Colorado address.

As a side note, it'd probably be safer anyway for you to ship as many as you can at one time instead of having hundreds of packages show up at your door at all hours. At least if you were in charge of shipping them you could guarantee the shipper and they would all probably come around the same time.

julibug86 · July 2012

We just bought a present off a couple's Target registry and it gave me the option to ship it to the bride which we picked. We were still able to add a note and the best part was that I didn't have to wrap it! Maybe see if your registries allow this?

Gabrielle76 · July 2012

I know bed bath and beyond makes is crazy easy to ship gifts, it's free to have it shipped to the couples home, and they even give you a special note to put in a card. Maybe find somewhere to register that makes it easy to ship, so guests are more inclined to ship them. I was planning on bringing it to the wedding until the cashier told me how great their gift shipping policies were.

SparrowSong · July 2012

Most guests will probably have enough common sense, if they know you live in another state. I always have gifts delivered to the bride's residence no matter what. And I think on most registries you can list the preferred shipping address.

But no matter what you do some people WILL bring the gift to the wedding, all the procrastinators who buy a gift that day on the way to the wedding for example. You are going to have ship some things, no matter what you try to do to avoid it. So might as well just start looking for the cheapest, easiest way to do it.

angelsong21 · July 2012

Ditto what everyone else has already said. Most of your guests will likely have the gift shipped to your home address (which you provide to the store you register at). However, if a guest does bring a gift to your wedding, you will need to pay for it to be shipped back to your home in CO. It is not the guest's responsibility to pay for shipping, nor is it polite to ask them to do that.

G2SoccerTaz · July 2012

We got married in California but live in Texas. If anyone bought anything of the registries online, they had the option to ship it to our Texas address. We did set money aside for shipping gifts and wedding related things back to Texas.

However, most of the people that game did cards which are easy to carry. I am sure your guest will keep in mind that you do not live locally.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2012

Do people in your circle normally buy boxed gifts or give cash? I know in some circles, people don't worry about gifts because wedding gifts are always cash (this is usually the case in my family).

So, there are a few things, etiquette-wise, that apply. First, it's good etiquette to have gifts delivered to the bride's house, from a guest. This does ensure that you aren't burdening the couple by making them secure the gifts and transport them home. However, obviously, people have gift tables at their receptions and many people bring physical gifts.

So, second, you can set up a shipping address with your registries. If people are ordering online, they might as well have it shipped to you as to them, right? The stores will allow you to specify where you want it shipped.

Third, I also agree that you can either keep a registry small and only register for small items, or you can try returning some gifts and re-buying them in CO.

Another option might be to rent a truck or a small trailer and drive back to CO instead of flying. In the long run, that might be cheaper than shipping gifts back yourself.

hoffse · July 2012

With that many people, I like Mery's idea - if most of the people you are inviting are local to your wedding, it's likely that you will receive a solid number of gifts to the wedding itself. It's sort of a southern thing - I've never been to a wedding without a pretty full gift table. So your best bet might be to just drive, if you can take the time off.

The other option is to register at Amazon like PP suggested so that guests MUST ship gifts - and then provide your CO address so that they ship to you. Otherwise, set aside $$ or check empty bags at the airport to bring stuff back. I also second the advice about registering for easy to pack things or items that can be used to cushion fragile things like towels.

My last suggestion is to make sure you have a trusted friend or acquaintance run by your house/apartment each day in the week leading up to your wedding if you're not home. A lot of people will ship in advance, and many people don't think to do it until the week before. If you live in an apartment complex, etc you don't want those gifts piling in front of your door while you aren't home.

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