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To pick or not to pick a bridesmaid (a little long sorry)

KMHixonKMHixon member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids

I've had this friend since I was in middle school. We were always very close and talked about our weddings many times. I always thought she would be standing right next to me when I got married. In April she and I got in a huge fight and didn't talk for at least a month. At that time she claimed that my then boyfriend (now fiance) had "changed me for the worse". No one else had said that. We sort of talked on and off throughout June, but nothing was fixed. I told her that I knew there was a purposal on the way and she said, "Cool". My fiance and I were engaged in July and rather than picking who I would call after my mom I sent a mas text out. She seemed excited, but said later that she always thought I would call and tell her that stuff. About a month after we were engaged she came to me with some fears about her health and we began talking again. I still feel like things aren't totally fixed with us, but are getting better. I have picked out 3 of my 4 bridesmaids and I sort of want her to be my forth. At the same time I have this friend at work who I'm getting really close to and has talked to me about the wedding and my fiance and I a lot. I really feel like my other 3 bridesmaids will contunue being friends with me long after my wedding, but I'm not sure which girl to pick for my 4th. Any advice? Should I just push through the drama and stick with the girl who has always been with me, or the one who is starting to be there?

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Re: To pick or not to pick a bridesmaid (a little long sorry)

  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I don't think you should have to choose bettween old friend or work friend.  If you want one, neither, or both of them standing up with you, then ask them.  Don't pick your work friend to have a fourth BM, and don't omit your old friend for the sake of asking the coworker.

    Edit - I also want to add that unless you're inviting all of your coworkers to the wedding, stop talking about the wedding at work.
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  • CassieeKCassieeK
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You have some time before you need to make a decision, and a lot can happen in the next few months.  If in the end you can't choose between them, have them both.
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  • RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    You don't have to have an even wedding party.  Bridesmaids should be chosen because you can't imagine the day without them, not to fill a quota.  That said, I would hesitate to invite a wedding party member who didn't support my FI and I.  
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  • jeandanjeandan
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Pls forgive yr old friend and let her join the train.Your relationship will be rekindled.
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  • sshine02sshine02
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My FI is having the same trouble picking out his grooms men. He has decided to wait a few months before making the decisions so he can see who will be around. If you have the time, wait a while and see how things go with her. I suggest picking the person who will make your wedding and the planning most enjoyable!
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    You can have five bridesmaids, the sky won't fall and your marriage won't be invalid.  Go for them both.  And ditto vicki, be careful about talking about the wedding at work unless you're inviting all of your coworkers.



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  • KMHixonKMHixon member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advise. I just am not sure about not an even amount of bridesmaids to groomsmen. I'm a little OCD. And with work, I'm a teacher so I rarely see all of my coworkers at once. We're a small school district too
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  • AlaskaDee23AlaskaDee23
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm right there with you! I have a friend since 1st grade and over the past 3+ years we've grown further and further apart.  I always imagined her right there, even a possible MOH, but every time I talk to her, I become more and more frustrated and saddened with the person she's become, but any who....I decided against asking.  It was hard, but when I called her to tell her I was engaged she started talking about herself AND had a side bar convo with someone else while  giving her details of the proposal. So I guess my point is, if you don't feel you should have her, then don't.
    I guess you need to figure out who would you feel  5, 10, or 50 years from now who was up there with you on your wedding day, with that being said...Wil itl matter years from too if you only had 3 instead of 4??
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  • mercy4mercy4
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Pick the old friend.  I have a bridesmaid who has been my friend for many moons and even though we don't talk much, it is special to me that she is there.

    I had a work friend I pictured I would get closer with but after I left the job I noticed we didn't even talk much and now we don't talk at all.  It was silly of me to think she could have been a bridesmaid.

    I'm not saying you have the same situation, but that is mine.
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  • KatieK501KatieK501 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Talk things out with the old friend.  Ask her what she thinks about your marriage and even bring up that she hurt your feelings in the past regarding your fiance.  It doesn't have to be a heated argument, telling her she was wrong for saying what she thought, but just try to talk through it in a civil way, that you're glad your relationship is growing again, but there's still a little tension. If she's still against the marriage, I, personally, would not ask her to be in the wedding.  I want people standing beside me who believe in the union of the two people getting married and believe that it will last.
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