People not responding (vent!)

scurtis07 · August 2012

Seriously. My guests have had 5 weeks. 5!! All I want to know is yes or no.

Yes we still have two weeks until we need to give the final head count to the venue, but I can't finish the seating charts, I can't give the babysitter a head count, I can't finish the escort cards, I have now probably ordered at least 20 too many of favors and programs and everything else that I simply couldn't risk waiting on any longer!

They have until this Saturday, and I just know that I will have to make like 10 phone calls, which surely won't be the least bit awkward....but they are the rude ones right?!

At least one person has told me they still don't know if they can make it. In that sort of instance, I would rather hear a no. This is why we sent save the dates out 6 months ago...to SAVE THE DATE! So if you didn't then fine.

Any other September 1st brides waiting on more responses?! Or did you already make the calls? How did those go?

kmleon83 · August 2012

i feel your frustration! the way i see it..you KNEW there was a wedding and when you got the invitation, you should already know whether or not you can attend! WHY MUST YOU WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE?!

good luck!

volleygurl0306 · August 2012

Aww I'm sorry girl! This does seem to be a common problem in general if that makes you feel better. Since becoming a bride-to-be we've been invited to 3 weddings and I've been super prompt about them realizing the stress it causes. I just don't think people get it sometimes! Even the engaged couples we've invited haven't responded...you'd think they'd empathize. I'm a sept 29 bride so I'm a few weeks behind you but I've already been tourtured by some guests who go on our website to request songs but don't do the online rsvp! Unless they are all your friends, enlist some help for your calls. FI and his parents can handle his side and if any of your family is missing, it is okay to ask your mom or dad to help. This may help relax you. I agree that they are the rude ones so I'd call and if people say they don't know, be aggressive and say until they are sure you can't reserve them a spot. If you have to leave a message, you probably should try more than once but I'd leave a voicemail saying "If I don't hear from you I'll assume you won't be able to make it unfortunately." People have plenty of time. They are just being lazy or indecisive.

URIsweethearts · August 2012

this post fits me to a T. I am 9/14. I told them to respond 8/3 because we have a LOT of OOT. I have maybe 1/2 the invites back. My mom says they have til this weekend, if not - they are getting called and they will give an answer when we are on the phone with them. I too sent out STDs last NOVEMBER. like i have the time and energy to call all you people who I agree, in my opinion are just being down right rude.

calindi · August 2012

I'm 9/1 - our RSVP date was 8/1 and we were missing about 40 people. Mostly FI's side, so he had some phone calls to make - it was pulling teeth to get him to actually contact his Aunts & Uncles rather than, "Oh, my Mom says they probably won't come."

My rule has been to count them out if I can't get a solid word - we can always add people later, but once we give the numbers to the caterer, they will not bill us for less.

RSimons5 · August 2012

Same problem here!! People keep telling me "maybe" or "I'll know a few days beforehand. " And that just doesn't cut it!!! They should know by now, and if they don't they should just say no. I'm sorry!

Nikki71 · August 2012

I'm a 9/2 and our RSVP date was Aug. 2 We still had like 30 people to contact. I've been doing text or email though to those who are close. I don't want to call anyone. Too awkward. Avoiding it at all costs.

calindi · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_people-not-responding-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:8aff74de-eafc-4e3f-aa48-92bc637a41f3Post:e550295c-2d2e-4bc9-b174-637fd62816ea">Re: People not responding (vent!)</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a 9/2 and our RSVP date was Aug. 2 We still had like 30 people to contact. I've been doing text or email though to those who are close. I don't want to call anyone. Too awkward. Avoiding it at all costs.
Posted by Nikki71[/QUOTE]

There's a really easy way to avoid the awkwardness - just play dumb! I always make it sound like I'm checking to make sure they got the invitation. Oh, they did?! Oh, well I hadn't gotten the RSVP back, so I just wanted to make sure! Will they be able to make it? I'd just LOVE to see them, but I totally understand if they can't. Oh, they can't come? Well, that's just fine, thanks for letting me know, have a WONDERFUL day! Annnnnd I move on to the next one.

volleygurl0306 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_people-not-responding-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:8aff74de-eafc-4e3f-aa48-92bc637a41f3Post:4bb9f5eb-3303-4787-810b-1f213fba1e11">Re: People not responding (vent!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: People not responding (vent!) : There's a really easy way to avoid the awkwardness - just play dumb! I always make it sound like I'm checking to make sure they got the invitation. Oh, they did?! Oh, well I hadn't gotten the RSVP back, so I just wanted to make sure! Will they be able to make it? I'd just LOVE to see them, but I totally understand if they can't. Oh, they can't come? Well, that's just fine, thanks for letting me know, have a WONDERFUL day! Annnnnd I move on to the next one.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

This is the best way because I have actually heard of stories where people never got it (or claimed not to). And I actually had the wrong zip code on an invite and even tho it didn't have to leave the state it took 3 weeks to get back to me so it could be out in limbo. I think email/text could get you some inaccruate responses and a slower response time. It is really easy in passing to check a text and just say yes without thinking about it or not check email. If you have the on the phone they are stopping what they are doing to speak to you and you'll be able to tell if they aren't giving it any thought (slash can say "will you make it to my wedding on september __" so verifying they actually know when it is).

sbradke · August 2012

I am also surprised by the people who wait until the last minte to send them in. Some I understand but others are people who say things like "can't wait for the wedding, it'll be fun."

Mostly I want to know so I can figure out seating. Our reception is in an Irish pub with mixed seating. We are going to be VERY close to capacity, I really expected more declines.

hollyweenOR · August 2012

Ugh, yeah, we've got 2 weeks to go (gave 'em nearly 8 weeks to get RSVPs back to me) and we've been sort of frozen around the 50% mark for over 2 weeks now! 2 of my bridesmaids haven't even responded (but I know both of them are both sort of feeling out date scenarios- they're both sort of casually dating and I did the "& guest" thing- and I do want them to bring someone if they want to, so they're not really on my stink-list. But some really close family friends are (people who I have attended graduations and birthdays and you-name-it over the years), as are some other friends- one couple for whom I was a bridesmaid in their wedding eons ago- when we were all dirt poor and I knocked myself out to travel to where they lived for bridal shower, dress shopping, and wedding. Trying to let it go, I can only control my own expectations, but it still stings. It'll hurt to hear they won't be coming (pretty sure of that) but at least I can move on- and get on w/ the planning!!

ltleen · August 2012

My due date is tomorrow, and our wedding date is September 9th. My experience so far has been that the "no" people seem to think not responding at all is perfectly acceptable. Arghity argh.

cinderellasjc · August 2012

We are in the same boat too.... our reply date is tomorrow, and we have about 40 invites still not returned. I have gotten a couple friends that sent messages saying they could not send their invite back until mercury was direct.... whatever that means...LOL

Good news is we don't have to have a final count in until the 27th of August.

I know you are supposed to make that uncomfortable call, but I have enough to do without having to track people down.

The Fords · August 2012

Im a 9/2 bride and my RSVP was Aug 6. We are still waiting on quite a few responses. Havent even counted how many yet. As horrible as it sounds it would be okay if they didnt come lol. Any more I think if guests as $ since all the $$$ is starting to add up . I think I will use calindi's method seems the easiet Trying to remain positive because this is a very special day but all the drama sometimes make you lose sight.

calindi · August 2012

We got a flood of responses about 4 days after our RSVP date - I think some people literally took it as a day to stick it in the mailbox!

Peaceflower17 · August 2012

I am a 9/7 bride and I will have to start calling people as of 8/12 I requested the RSVPs to be in before that date... Its mostly my mom's last minute friend's she invited and FI's family... Besides his mom and dad, we have only heard from 2 other family members and we are hoping his sister changes her mind and comes to the wedding (she declined to be bitchy).

CreoleBride30 · August 2012

I have had a great response. The only people I am having an issue with are those on FI side...no shocker here of course. This may go against etiquette. However, I placed an informational card in each invitation that included "rules on how to RSVP, when to RSVP, why you RSVP, etc, etc". This has definitely helped in getting a response. And as far as those that do not respond, their name will not be on the guest list and will not be allowed entrance into the wedding or reception. That's on the informational card to. Here's what I put:

On the front and back of this card, you will find answers to commonly asked questions. We hope you find this information helpful.

Q. Do I have to RSVP?

A. Yes. An RSVP is absolutely REQUIRED for every invited guest. It is essential in planning for the ceremony seating and reception meals.

Q. How do I RSVP?

A. You may RSVP directly through the website's "RSVP" page or by mailing in the RSVP reply card in the stamped return-addressed envelope you received in your formal invitation. Please include the name of the person(s) in attendance or nonattendance if this is not already written on the RSVP reply card.

Q. If I am unable to attend, do I still need to return the reply card or reply online with "decline to attend"?

A. Yes, every invited guest must respond by accepting or declining the invitation. Please return your RSVP card by mail with your name(s) and "decline" checked on the reply card. --OR-- You may RSVP online by clicking "will not attend" for each person in your party. Please adhere to these guidelines as this helps the bride and groom have an accurate count for all invited guests.

Q. What if I don't RSVP, may I still come to the ceremony and/or reception?

A. No, an RSVP is required. Due to space and planning limitations, for both the ceremony and reception, accommodations will not be made for those that do not RSVP.

This will be strictly enforced.

Q. Are children included in the invitation? A. The couple realizes many parents would like to bring their children to the wedding ceremony and reception. However, please understand the ceremony and reception will be an Adults Only event. Only children who are directly involved in the wedding party are expected to attend. Q. May I bring someone that is not included on the invitation? A. No. Your invitation is addressed to those who are invited. Please adhere to the invitation as it is addressed. Q. What is the attire for the wedding? After-5 attire or Dressy-Casual are acceptable. Most attire for After 5 is usually cocktail wear. Dressy Casual calls for dressed-up versions of casual looks. Although the couple wants everyone to be comfortable, please, no jeans. Gentlemen: You may forgo the suit or tuxedo if you choose and instead wear something a bit less formal. A sports coat and tie as well as a dressy pant is appropriate for this type of affair. You may also choose a dress shirt and slacks. Ties are optional. Ladies: A nice dress or dress suit is appropriate for the wedding. Women may also opt to wear dress slacks and a blouse. Q. What if I am running late to the ceremony? A. The ceremony will begin promptly at six o'clock in the evening. If you arrive late, you will not be permitted to enter into the ceremony. However, there will be a nearby waiting area in which you may have a partial view of the ceremony. You are welcome to wait in this area until the completion of the ceremony so you may join the couple for the reception. Please make plans to arrive at least 15 minutes prior to the start of the ceremony.

we2012 · August 2012

The deadline was 8/1 for our wedding on 9/2. More than half of the invited guests did not respond by the deadline. I assigned friends to call everyone this week, and got a lot of responses that way. We still had about 35 people who did not answer the phone, so they left a message for them to call our response line or reply online. We did not use mail-in reply cards.

People not responding (vent!)

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