Just Engaged and Proposals

Re: thanks. case closed.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_how-soon-to-propose-gay-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:154bfe2c-a89f-4608-8b1f-8cf438bde0e1Post:407d623b-5914-4aec-af29-661f39903790">How soon to propose?! Gay proposal.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I need a little advice about how long is appropriate to wait before proposing. We've been dating for 6 months. See one another everyday/stay together everynight...etc.... Have plans of relocating together next spring. We have talked about the future and what we want, where we want to be, and children? <strong>I have never been so in love in my life.</strong> We both have had past relationships...but this happened and we both just know we want to be together and share our lives...something that hasn't happened before. We are about 10 years apart. He late 30s and me late 20s. I don't see the point in waiting. My outlook is that life is short, you never know what will happen, so why not get a life together started. I've picked out the tiffany ring, and am considering a christmas proposal. Too soon? or go for it? Thanks!!! :)
    Posted by mrsmithgregory96[/QUOTE]

    Same advice I give everyone, regardless of sexuality, age difference, etc.  If you're still feeling what I bolded above, you're probably still in the butterflies stages of a new relationship.  You know, that time when you're all giddy and happy and in love with the world, and everything seems perfect.  That stage is a lot of fun, but you're not thinking clearly when you're in it.  That's totally normal, and it's great.  But there's a reason that right around the two year mark is one of the periods in  a marriage where there's a spike in the divorce rate, and it's because two years is about the average amount of time it take for a couple's butterflies to die down.  And a lot of couples, once their romantic energy isn't propelling them along at quite the same speed, find that they're not really as compatible as they thought.  It's when the butterflies die down and you're left with dirty socks on the floor and dirty dishes in the sink that a relationship is really tested. 

    This is why, if anyone asks my opinion, I would never recommend proposing before the two year mark, or, if you do, I would suggest having a long engagement that takes you past the two year mark before you get married.  As a more general matter, I just don't believe you can know a person very much at all in only six months. 

    Have you discussed marriage with him yet?  Is he open to the idea of getting engaged so soon?  That's another thing to consider too- some people would be scared off by a proposal at less than a year- I know I would be, no matter how much I cared about the person.
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    If you have to ask a message board about when to propose, it's too early for you to propose.

  • 2 years.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • No one can tell you if it's too soon or not. If you feel it is right and that this is the right time then go for it (: You know how you and your partner feel. There really is no set dating time period that you should go by before getting engaged. I've known couples that got engaged after only 3 months and have been happily married for years. Only you know if its the right time.
    "Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are."
  • well my respond to this question is go for it.. Life is too short to not live your life... So mrsmithgregory9 if you feel that the person that you with is the one i say go for it.. I'm in the same boat as you my fiancce and I been together for only two month byt it feels like two year and we are getting married in 2014 and she is the love of my life.. The only thing that should matter is you guys happiness..
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_how-soon-to-propose-gay-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:154bfe2c-a89f-4608-8b1f-8cf438bde0e1Post:0ecea409-7190-4178-a502-8583017a1948">Re: How soon to propose?! Gay proposal.</a>:
    [QUOTE]well my respond to this question is go for it.. Life is too short to not live your life... So mrsmithgregory9 if you feel that the person that you with is the one i say go for it.. I'm in the same boat as you <strong>my fiancce and I been together for only two month</strong> byt it feels like two year and we are getting married in 2014 and she is the love of my life.. The only thing that should matter is you guys happiness..
    Posted by brijones86[/QUOTE]

    <div>Good luck.</div>
  • Before you get marries you should have some serious talks about uncomfortable and important things like debt, finances, where you will live, children, etc.

    if you are not comfortable having these types of honest discussions, then I would wait.
    045_45-1 photo 045_45-1.jpg
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
  • I don't care about your ages or sexuality: if you have to ask strangers on the internet if it's "too soon" for you, then it's too soon to be doing it.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
    image

  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_how-soon-to-propose-gay-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:154bfe2c-a89f-4608-8b1f-8cf438bde0e1Post:0ecea409-7190-4178-a502-8583017a1948">Re: How soon to propose?! Gay proposal.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm in the same boat as you my fiancce and I been together for only two month.
    Posted by brijones86[/QUOTE]
    Oh dear.

  • pesematologypesematology member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited October 2012
    I knew I wanted to marry FI a month after meeting him. I started talking to him about it after about six months. He felt the same way but wanted to wait until our first anniversary to propose, and I'm glad he did. Not because we needed to be more sure of our feelings — I have never felt so sure about anything in my life — but because he wanted to have a solid foundation with each others friends and families before getting engaged.

    I'm really glad that we did that, because if we hadn't they wouldn't have known enough about our relationship to be excited for us. Spending a lot of time with each other's friends and families won us a lot of support for our engagement, which is especially important to us because we've both been married before and we were bracing for some skepticism and doubt from our friends and families.

    I will say that FI and I talked about uncomfortable topics right off the bat. I don't know if it's because we've both been married before or what, but he laid out his financial situation for me on our second date, and asked me point-blank if his debts scared me. He told me he was divorced before we even got to dinner on our first date. I met his mom after a month together, and he met my out of state parents after two months.

    Takeaway is, if you're antsy to get engaged, start laying the groundwork. Spend a lot of time with friends and family together, talk about finances, medical history, and past relationships. Figure out what kind of parenting styles you think you'll have. It will take months to do all this properly.
    "I wish yo azz all tha dopest up in yo' marriages"
  • thanks jessie42613 and same to you on ur wedding
  • ahstillwell,
    what do you mean by oh dear... I just want to know...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_how-soon-to-propose-gay-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:154bfe2c-a89f-4608-8b1f-8cf438bde0e1Post:9e7a0fea-f43e-4dad-bdc5-f51e97c552f0">Re: How soon to propose?! Gay proposal.</a>:
    [QUOTE]ahstillwell, what do you mean by oh dear... I just want to know...
    Posted by brijones86[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think she means that she's really excited for you and your fiance, and is expressing how wonderful it is to make such a huge life decision with someone you've been with for two months.  Yay! So excited!</div>
  • Oh ok.. Thanks sweetie..
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_how-soon-to-propose-gay-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:154bfe2c-a89f-4608-8b1f-8cf438bde0e1Post:e72a2069-3c6f-4c42-aee0-9dbcd2b2f775">Re: How soon to propose?! Gay proposal.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How soon to propose?! Gay proposal. : I think she means that she's really excited for you and your fiance, and is expressing how wonderful it is to make such a huge life decision with someone you've been with for two months.  Yay! So excited!
    Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_how-soon-to-propose-gay-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:154bfe2c-a89f-4608-8b1f-8cf438bde0e1Post:f1ff288c-96b0-4d64-9e9a-64174a6ce838">Re:How soon to propose?! Gay proposal.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh ok.. Thanks sweetie..
    Posted by brijones86[/QUOTE]

    *head desk*
    Bri-apparently you've never read sarcasm.  Sometimes they even use a special font. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
    Where there is love, there is life.-Ghandi
  • I would wait until at least a year.  My partner and I started having the "what if" and big uncomfortable conversations quite early, but we did not get engaged until we were at the about 20-22 month mark. And it was a little over 3 years before we got married.

    take your time. If it's for real, a few (or 12) more months won't matter.
  • I just want to reiterate the "make sure he's on the same page" thing. A college boyfriend of mine started hinting at rings and engagements after 4 months...yeah, didn't work out well for him/our relationship (we broke up, not all because of that, but at least partially, a few weeks later)
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