Invite issues

MomoftheBriade · August 2012

I have sent invitations sent to Mr & Mrs John Smith.

My reply card comes back Mr & Mrs Smith and Michael and Jenny.

Hmm kids are not invited!

How do I tell them???

Summer2011Bride · August 2012

Call them and say, "We got your RSVP and are glad you can make it. We noticed you had written in Michael and Jenny, but the invitation was actually just for you and John. Sorry for the misunderstanding" (even though there shouldn't have been one!)

ericaandtom2012 · August 2012

"Sorry for any confusion, the invitation was only for you and John. We hope you're still able to make it!" Don't give any reasons for kids not being invited or else people will try to get around it. Good luck!

Loopyseven · August 2012

Yup - short and sweet - "Hi John, it's MOB, sorry for the confusion but the invitation was only for you and Jane. I hope you understand and can still make it as we're looking forward to seeing you".

TheVirginians · August 2012

Hard to believe that people just don't get it! It was addressed to Mr and Mrs and not to anyone else!

crash2729 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:31923402-a2ac-41e5-81d6-19194a9e1f68Post:8c6d1c0b-bafd-4cf7-b383-39f0b9f9683c">Re: Invite issues</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it happens more then people think it does.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]
This. 100%. <div>
</div>

willywally5 · August 2012

Absolutely happens. A LOT. People are either ignorant or just don't care.

But any of those phone scripts are perfect. Just don't give ANY reason, or they will try to 'help' you around that reason.

MomoftheBriade · August 2012

OMG!
AS I gulp my low calorie juice, wishing it was wine!

I think I cannot call these "dear friends" and say this. Ugh where is my inner brat when I need it???????

As I type the washer just went off kilter and bounced a bit and broke the lamp i had on top. lol. Ugh .

I know this needs to be done. I just wish a text or email was good enough. But probably not.

Thanks gals!

willywally5 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:31923402-a2ac-41e5-81d6-19194a9e1f68Post:2b8429bf-ba1d-453c-ad7b-d329bba653ed">Re: Invite issues</a>:
[QUOTE]OMG! AS I gulp my low calorie juice, wishing it was wine! ;) I think I cannot call these "dear friends" and say this. Ugh where is my inner brat when I need it??????? As I type the washer just went off kilter and bounced a bit and broke the lamp i had on top. lol. Ugh . I know this needs to be done. I just wish a text or email was good enough. But probably not. Thanks gals!
Posted by MomoftheBriade[/QUOTE]

<div>You can do it! Actually, THEY are the ones are being rude and screwed up here, not you. They either don't know how to read a properly addressed invitation or worse, they do know how but decided their little cherubs were somehow an exception and ought to attend. </div><div>
</div><div>And sorry, but you do need to actually CALL. Maybe you will be lucky and get a machine?</div>

kmmssg · August 2012

Another MOB here. You can do this! You are making a polite phone call letting rude people know you can't accomodate extra guests.

I have 3 married DDs so I have been in your shoes a couple of times. You CANNOT go into this apologetically. "Hi Jennifer, this is MOB. I apologize if there was any confusion, but the invitation was for you and John. We can't accomodate the children. We are looking forward to seeing you at the wedding."

Then, they say, "but MOB, I promised the kids they could come! They are really looking forward to it. If money is an issue we will pay for their dinners!"

You say: "It is sweet of you to offer, but we can't accomodate any other guests. We look forward to having a glass of wine with you and John at the reception."

Then, she says "but MOB, I promised the kids! If the kids aren't invited we aren't coming."

This is where you put on your super cool MOB hat and say, "I'm so sorry to hear that Jennifer. You will be missed. Maybe we can get together for dinner after the wedding to share some photos. Bye."

Been there, done that. The last wedding was a doozy because DD's biomom and stepdad's family refuse to acknowledge the existence of wedding etiquette. It was a no kid wedding and we stuck to it.

Now, put on that super cool MOB hat, make that phone call and do not waiver! Not even a bit. If you do, they swoop in. Go for it. Willy and I will be waiting for you to come back and tell us how it went.

MomoftheBriade · August 2012

Is it rude to hope for the machine? Because tomorrow. I would get it.

willywally5 · August 2012

I was teasing about the machine, momma. Go make the cal! You can do it!

Edited for spelling. Made no sense. Gah.

kmmssg · August 2012

Nope, not rude to hope for it. I prayed for it once or twice I'm sure.

Lisa50 · August 2012

Pick up the phone and begin with, "Thank you so much for replying to the wedding invitation. We look forward to seeing you and John. I notice you added the kids. The invitation was for mom and dad only ...." if you're dead-set on no kids.

I state this as an option, because the same thing happened to us. H's sister called to reply for herself and husband, her adult children (one married, one not) who were also invited. She also said her 2 grandchildren would be there. We let it go.

My friends and family would not dare breach etiquette, but H's family is a different story. It was not worth stirring the pot to me. The kids came and were perfectly wonderful. The entire family left within 1/2 hour of dessert being served. No harm. No foul.

LDubHawksFan · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:31923402-a2ac-41e5-81d6-19194a9e1f68Post:ea0c0ee5-4235-4f39-ac6a-4758626aeb65">Re: Invite issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Pick up the phone and begin with, "Thank you so much for replying to the wedding invitation. We look forward to seeing you and John. I notice you added the kids. The invitation was for mom and dad only ...." if you're dead-set on no kids. I state this as an option, because the same thing happened to us. H's sister called to reply for herself and husband, her adult children (one married, one not) who were also invited. She also said her 2 grandchildren would be there. We let it go. My friends and family would not dare breach etiquette, but H's family is a different story. It was not worth stirring the pot to me. The kids came and were perfectly wonderful. The entire family left within 1/2 hour of dessert being served. No harm. No foul.
Posted by Lisa50[/QUOTE]

Yes, this is something that she could do, but for a lot of brides, uninvited guests going to dinner is the part that is going to break the bank/budget. Letting it slide for certain guests is kind of unfair for those guests who did understand etiquette. And if OP's daughter really doesn't want kids (I'm assuming the kids are younger, not adult children), then that is her choice. Good luck OP. Just stick to your guns. FWIW, I'm dreading if this happens to me in, ohhhh, a month when I should be getting RSVPs.....

gailpete · August 2012

Another MOB here, you can do it! Good luck and know that you are in the right here.

MomoftheBriade · August 2012

I did it, got the machine both times, one still waiting on Bride to get the phone number, ... Part of my no kids thing is financial. But part of it, is I do not want my sons (10 yrs old) pals there turning it into a playdate! I want my son to be forced to go meet and greet. If it is family, i think it is different. Then the other teo families have very young children! YUCK! They arent mine I dont need to see them when I just spend thousands of dollars. I know sounds kinda cold. (I work at a grade school, lol!)

I have however not received a response, in both cases I asked that they get back to me to confirm that it does or does not change their attendance. I sent a FB email just now.

We have had 2 single people add a date..... that one is a tuffy!

Thank you to all of you, I used the suggested words as a script!

Invite issues

Re: Invite issues

Choose Another Board

Search Boards