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Wedding Party

Power struggle between MOH and pushy BM

Long story short, the two are trying to plan my bachelorette party (which they both excitedly and graciously offered without prompting) and its not going well.  They have completely different tastes and budgets in mind, not to mention they both get on each other's nerves. I feel completely stuck in the middle. They constantly talk to me about each other and how they can't believe the other did this, or didn't do this.I got phone calls from both of them today and it was the worst it's ever been.

There have been conversations from my BM that she resents the fact that I have MOH in her position, because she could do a much better job. I do my best to remind her that really all I expect from everyone is to get their dress and show up, but she constantly insists that my MOH is letting me down and "It's not ok". My MOH is very go with the flow (hence why I chose her to be my MOH over by pushy BM) but even she seems to be losing her patience with this BM and her demands.

Examples: My MOH was planning a small gathering, a spa day in town with a nice dinner afterwards, and my BM insisted that we go to Vegas (despite the fact we are all working with a small budget). They compromised and we are going away for the weekend to our family friends cabin, but BM is insisting on limo service and a pricy dinner where MOH was thinking something more low-key.

I don't care either way, I'm just excited to spend time with my girls, but I am just SO sick of hearing them go back and forth about each other, when they rarely actually communicate with each other. I told them both  that they could just let me know where and when, but if it was all the same to them, I would rather stay out of the planning. I played it off with my BM that I just wanted a surprise, but I told my MOH that I need a break from the bickering, and she agreed to stop (she was not the main instigator).

 It's coming up in two weeks and I just see this getting worse, not to mention the wedding.

Re: Power struggle between MOH and pushy BM

  • The next time the call to vent about the other politely tell them that you prefer to stay out of whatever issue they have with one another.  You should not have been brought into this at all and it is very rude of them to badmouth one another to you knowing that you are very close friends with each of them.

    Your MOH and BM need to act like adults and tattle tailing on each other is not adult behavior.  And it also doesn't matter who the instigator was because they both contributed to this ridiculous behavior.

    At this point, just focus on the positives and just have as much fun as you can at your bach party.  Hopefully the two of them can get their acts together and be mature and civil to each other that night.

  • pkontkpkontk member
    500 Comments
    I agree with Stage.  I think you need to let the BM know that you were hoping to keep the bachelorette party low-key and inexpensive.  Limo and fancy dinner =/= low key.  And tell her to stop telling you about the planning process.  Ditto that for the MOH.
  • Ditto to PPs. If they try talking to you about it, just shut it down. I was the MOH and I seriously could not stand one of the BMs, but I kept my mouth shut for the sake of the bride. 
  • I feel for you because I had the exact same problem.  It continued even to the night of the bachelorette party both begging not to be at the same table as the other one.  I also tried to avoid them talking to me, and they eventually stopped and were civil on the day of the wedding.  However after the wedding one of them told them they could no longer be my friend because they didn't want to be friends with someone who could be friends with a person like my bridesmaid and she was upset that after she stopped talking to me about the other bridesmaid, I never asked her how it was going.
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  • The wildly different budgets thing was an issue for my bridesmaids too. The way I handled it with the BM who was pushing for something more expensive was something like this: "Friend, I know you want the best for my bachelorette party and I love you for it, but its really important to me that everyone can afford to participate, and I am perfectly happy with X plans instead of Y plans because X is what most people can afford. I know we'll have a great time no matter what we do." Once she knew what was important to me, she backed off on the pricey plans.
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  • I feel for you - this is supposed to be something for you, yet now you're losing out on some of the fun to play mommy to bickering girls.  I'm so sorry for that.

    Both of them need to be told what you'd like and have in mind, that way they remember who they are really celebrating with this event - you.  Sometimes it sounds like B-parties are planned with the attendees in mind, not the taste of the bride (or groom, whichever the case may be).  Pushy bridesmaid needs to know that theer is a budget for the girls, and the MOH needs to be able to better steer her in the right direction so that you aren't the one who gest the complaints.  I'd definitely go with what StephBean said to her bridesmaid.
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