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Honoring deceased parent at ceremony

maryrickersonmaryrickerson member
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in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
Hi!  I am looking for ideas on how to include/honor my Fiance's father who passed away 4 1/2 years ago in our ceremony .  His mother is now remarried and as we live out of state we are not super close with her husband.  I feel he should have a boutinniere as he is married to the MOG, but my fiance disagrees.  I think I win in that argument due to etiquette! ;)
 We planned to have an empty seat next to the MOG and I was going to put a flower from my bouquet on the seat in representation of my fiance's dad, but the MOG is uncomfortable with this.  We are not having a religious ceremony. Any thoughts?  I thought we would have a memorial candle at our reception just saying something like "In memory of those who are ever present in our hearts" which would be inclusive for everyone we've collectively lost, including my grandparents, but I feel like we should maybe do something more specific for his father, just not sure what and don't want to step on my FMIL's toes or make her new husband uncomfortable!  HELP!  :)
MCR B
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Re: Honoring deceased parent at ceremony

  • jagore08jagore08 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    You can have a prayer read in honor of loved ones who have passed and light the candle during the prayer.
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  • ronik77ronik77 member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments
    This is what we're doing for my father.

    I am adding an extra small table beside the alter with a picture of my dad and a candle. I made a "sign, label" thing that says Daddy on it and will attach that to the candle. My niece is coming in after everyone is seated and lighting the candle for me. When the guys come in to stand at the alter my fiance asked if I would make an extra boutionere and he's going to place that next to the candle and picture.

    It's my own way of including my dad but not making it overly done. We wanted to remember our grandparents too so I've added their wedding pictures to the collection of pictures of us by the guest book.
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  • divinemsbeedivinemsbee member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I think this is one that your FI and his mom need to work out between themselves. It sounds like your FI really wants to honor his father, which I get, but your FMIL is remarried. And even if you aren't close to her new husband, he is her husband, so I can see something like an empty seat next to her being seen as disrespectful to her new relationship. I think he should have a boutonniere just to keep the peace. 

    I like your candle idea, I think doing it during the ceremony with a mention in the program that it is in memory of the loved ones you've lost would be good. I think you could even mention names beneath that (like John Doe: father of the groom, Jane Smith, grandmother of the bride, etc.).  I think this might also work for a reception.  

    Ultimately, they need to hash this out. 
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  • ajdarrellajdarrell
    10 Comments
    My dad passed away 1 1/2 ago and to remember him, I'm lighting a flying lantern before the dinner prayer. I'm having an outdoor destination wedding so I don't know if this works for you. We're having everyone walk down to the beach a few steps away, Were then asking the guest to light one latern between them and make a wish for our marriage. They're a gorgeuos sight and causes a moment of silence as you watch them float away.
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  • TiffannieFTiffannieF member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    My mother passed away 3 years before the wedding.  Because it was my mother I decided to honor her in many different ways (they are in my bio under "In Memory of" along with other ideas). 

    In this situation I would leave it up to your FI.  You can research some subtle ideas and give them to him to see if he likes any of them.

    As for the bout, ask him why it is a big deal if he has a bout or not.  My H's step dad wore a bout and my step mom wore a corsage, they walked in during the processional of the parents.  If his SD is escorting MOG down the aisle during processional I think he should have one. 
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  • maryrickersonmaryrickerson member
    First Comment
    Thanks so much for the imput ladies!  I really appreciate it.  I think it's good advice to for sure get the SD a boutinniere, and probably should just hint at ideas and let my fiance decide (with his mother).  I love that lantern idea too!  What a beautiful image.

    Thanks again!!!
    MCR B
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  • jrpmc70jrpmc70
    First Comment
    My mother passed on Oct 8, 2011. When we get married it will be 9 months the day after the ceremony. My fiance will still "escort" mom down the aisle via a memorial candle and a picture that will be placed in a seat where she would have sat.
    Just after the welcome my fiance, brother, and I will light the memorial candle.

    Jill
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