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Mother-In-Law Drama

brigitten20brigitten20 member
10 Comments
in Moms and Maids
My fiance and his mother had a huge falling out and she has seriously done some damage to his family and us. He told me he is done with her and doesn't want her to be involved in the wedding or go to it. (She even stated she wasn't going herself) I feel like even though her and I don't get along ( her nickname for me is the C-word) and she is the biggest drama queen I have ever met in my life, that she should at least be given the opportunity to come if she wants to. Should I let it go and let him handle it, or should I step in and try to go talk to her to see if we can't fix it and maybe salvage some of the relationship?  She's not my favorite person and I could care less about having her around, it's the simple fact that he is her only child and I know that I would be devastated if I missed my only childs wedding. Maybe I have a bigger heart than I should, I just don't want to over step my boundary. 
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Re: Mother-In-Law Drama

  • bunni727bunni727 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Answer
    If your FI doesn't want her there or to be a part of her life, you should respect that. It's really hard to do that, but the most you should do is talk to your FI to make sure that this is truly what he wants, and not something he said in anger.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    She is your FI mother.  If he wants her there he will invite her.  If he doesn't then he won't.  The decision is completely up to him and you should stay way, way, way out of it.

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  • kaitlyn&henrykaitlyn&henry member
    100 Comments
    Ditto other PPs...its his decision not yours. Just curious though, why do you want to if your nickname for her is the C-word?
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  • Jenni8412Jenni8412 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to Re:MotherInLaw Drama:[QUOTE]Just curious though, why do you want to if your nickname for her is the Cword? Posted by kaitlynhenry[/QUOTE]Um, I think it's the other way around.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You should stay out of it. It's up to them to fix their own relationship.
                       
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  • brigitten20brigitten20 member
    10 Comments
    She calls me it, and because even if things are said and done we should still try to be together for the big events in life if possible.  But I guess everyone is right, I'll just stay out of it. I was hoping it would get worked out.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Your wedding is not until November.  Both sides may need to cool off before even trying to repair their relationship.  I know that you want both sides of the family to be there and that you are just trying to do the best thing for your FI...but, your FI has to be ready to repair his relationship with his Mom.  If he isn't ready then it would be pointless for him to try.  Just give it some time and concentrate on other things.

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  • calliopeia2013calliopeia2013 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Well, it doesn't sound at all like your FI's mom is interested n repairing her relationship with him, regardless or what your FI may or may not want.  But this is absolutely his call, and really what you should do is support him in whatever he chooses.
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  • MayberryAfterMidnightMayberryAfterMidnight member
    100 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    I think it speaks really highly of you that you are even thinking of this! (Many FDIL might just say "Screw it - I don't like her anyway.") The fact is that you are mature enough to put yourself in her shoes and think how you'd feel in that situation. As PP have said, it's totally your FI's decision. HOWEVER, I do think it's worth saying once (and with absolutely no pressure on him and drop it after that) what you've said here - that you hope he won't later regret not having her there. If he reconsiders, great, if not, great - it's up to him and you have to respect what he decides. Good luck!
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  • BaddeleyElserBaddeleyElser
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-in-law-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3ff498c6-8643-4e00-b1a6-1a3f01ebada4Post:cbcb80f8-8780-4473-8d55-d5ac3258afef">Mother-In-Law Drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and his mother had a huge falling out and she has seriously done some damage to his family and us. He told me he is done with her and doesn't want her to be involved in the wedding or go to it. (She even stated she wasn't going herself) I feel like even though her and I don't get along ( her nickname for me is the C-word) and she is the biggest drama queen I have ever met in my life, that she should at least be given the opportunity to come if she wants to. Should I let it go and let him handle it, or should I step in and try to go talk to her to see if we can't fix it and maybe salvage some of the relationship?  She's not my favorite person and I could care less about having her around, it's the simple fact that he is her only child and I know that<strong> I would be devastated if I missed my only childs wedding. </strong>Maybe I have a bigger heart than I should, I just don't want to over step my boundary. 
    Posted by brigitten20[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You're a rational person.  She is not.</div><div>
    </div><div>My FI and I have a similar issue, only with my dad and me being the ones who are not on speaking terms.  It's really, really hard to come to the decision that you don't want a parent at your wedding, no matter how much they don't deserve to be there.  If I was your FI, I would just want your support in my decision to not have my parent there.  He's probably spent enough time thinking about not having her there that any pressure from you, no matter how well-intended, is not going to make him feel any better.
    </div>
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  • tamezietamezie
    10 Comments
    some people just fight that way..." i'm done! blah blah"

    it's just more drama. 

    I suspect my FI will "break up" with his mama at least once more
    before my wedding too but I know she will be there when it's all said and done.

    I hope the same for you.  :)
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  • OBX2011OBX2011 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-in-law-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:3ff498c6-8643-4e00-b1a6-1a3f01ebada4Post:cbcb80f8-8780-4473-8d55-d5ac3258afef">Mother-In-Law Drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and his mother had a huge falling out and she has seriously done some damage to his family and us. He told me he is done with her and doesn't want her to be involved in the wedding or go to it. (She even stated she wasn't going herself) I feel like even though her and I don't get along ( her nickname for me is the C-word) and she is the biggest drama queen I have ever met in my life, that she should at least be given the opportunity to come if she wants to. Should I let it go and let him handle it, or should I step in and try to go talk to her to see if we can't fix it and maybe salvage some of the relationship?  She's not my favorite person and I could care less about having her around, it's the simple fact that he is her only child and I know that I would be devastated if I missed my only childs wedding. Maybe I have a bigger heart than I should, I just don't want to over step my boundary. 
    Posted by brigitten20[/QUOTE]

    I would stay of it and let FI handle it.  If my FMIL called me the c-word, I would probably not speak to her.  Period.  The c-word is waaayyyy below the belt and she should have never spoken to you in that manner.

    You continue being supportive to FI like you have been and let him handle the FMIL.

     

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  • Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    1000 Comments
    It's not your mom, and not your call.  Step away.  You can't make someone be what they are not, and you can't foster a relationship that is unhealthy.  The potential for unhappiness is too much to take a chance on.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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  • MDmom2014MDmom2014
    10 Comments
    Kudos to your FH for not wanting a person at his wedding that shows disrespect to his FW, even if that person is his own mother! Let him work it out with her. Like PP said you have a few months before the wedding, just wait and see what happens.
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  • LoriNDaveLoriNDave
    First Comment
    If you did invite her don't you think she would cause more drama?  I know on my wedding day I don't want anyone causing drama.  Just a thought
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  • Lisaly23Lisaly23
    First Comment
    edited March 2013

    I disagree with most of the PPs. NO WAY would I ever invite someone to my wedding who referred to me as a c**t. If your fiance has any respect for you, he won't allow it either. If your wishes are second to his mother's, you're going to have a tumultous marriage. If your future MIL wants to come to you and make a full and heartfelt apology, and outline how she plans on changing her behavior in the future, then I say give her a second chance. But if she refuses to acknowledge that her behavior was inappropriate, she needs to stew in her anger and self-pity for a while.

    Think about it this way. Would your husband allow someone to refer to you as a c**t if that person were NOT his mother? I hope not. So why would he continue to have a relationship with someone who so clearly disregards the woman he has chosen to spend his life with? She is showing disrespect for you, but also for your husband's judgment, treating him as a child without the capacity to decide for himself.

    You also need to think about how your MIL will act around your children. If she doesn't think much of you, it will show in the way she interacts with them. She will undermine your parenting decisions if she doesn't agree with them, and may even talk bad about you to your own children. What if she and your husband have a falling out and he chooses not to see her? Then the children get hurt. As much as I can't stand people who use children as bargaining chips, sometimes it is best to keep them away from harmful influences, which, yes, can include their grandparents.

    I speak from experience. My fiance has no relationship with his mother, and I doubt he ever will. She is not invited to our wedding, and will not have any relationship whatsoever with our future children. Some think this is harsh, but thankfully, it isn't up to them. This woman has filed false charges against my fiance, threatened break into our home and physically assault me, and is unrepentant about the entire ordeal. We have not heard from her in 6 months, and it has drastically reduced the amount of stress in our lives.

    To sum it up, she should not be at your wedding, and I would think twice about marrying a man who wants her there. Don't cut her a break because she's faaaammily-- hold her to the same standard of decency that you would expect from anyone else. If she chooses to continue her pattern of behavior, that's her choice, and she will reap the consequences.

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  • katherinedw78katherinedw78
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    I can't get past the fact that her "nickname" for you is the C-word. That is morally reprehensible. Even if she thinks this was somehow said in jest, this would absolutely be crossing the line for me. 
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  • MissMollyMissMolly member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Oh yes. Like hell would I be inviting anyone like that to my wedding. Nor would I have anything to do with them, period.

    katherinedw78 said:
    I can't get past the fact that her "nickname" for you is the C-word. That is morally reprehensible. Even if she thinks this was somehow said in jest, this would absolutely be crossing the line for me. 

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