Pre-wedding Parties

Navigating parents

Hi everyone,

I hope you can give some advice about a small problem I'm having. It's really a little thing, but I'd be interested in some other perspectives.

The night before our wedding, I wanted to get together with my bridesmaids, my mother and my fiance's mother at a B&B to have a glass of wine, visit their in-house spa and generally do girly things. The hairdresser will be able to visit us there in the morning, though most of the getting-ready will be happening at the ceremony venue (a museum which provides a dressing room for occasions like this). The problem is my mom tells my that my dad will be offended by being left out.

My dad gets on well with my FI, but isn't really into the same activities, and I don't know what my FI had in mind for the night before, though I think that video games may play a role, which my dad is super not interested in. But then again I can't imagine him wanting to spend the evening with a bunch of girls getting manicures. I'll be spending a lot of time with him in the weeks preceding the wedding, as well, and in the past I've often had a hard time spending long periods of time with him (I love the guy, but sometimes he just drives me nuts), so I don't want to end up feeling irritable towards him.

Should I ask him to spend the evening with us? Send him golfing with his brother-in-law? Get my FI to include him in an activity? I don't want to hurt my dad's feelings, but I do want to spend the evening in the company of the important women in my life. If it makes any difference, I'm not having a shower or a bachelorette party, so this is something that's important to me.

Re: Navigating parents

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I'm really trying hard to understand where your mom is comming from, but I'm at a loss. There is not enough wine in the world to make my husband want to join a bunch of women getting mani/pedis.In fact, he would probably enjoy having the house to himself for a few hours. I think your mom is being over sensitive.

    It might be nice to plan something with your dad, although he probably doesn't expect it. Take him out for lunch or breakfast.
  • I can see how your dad might feel left out.  He wants to spend time with his daughter before her wedding day.  I don't think he really wants to be at a salon.  I think having lunch or dinner with him that day would be a good compromise. 

    You can invite him, he might enjoy a relaxing B&B.  I think I personally would send him golfing.  Maybe have your FI invite him to his activities as well, just so he doesn't feel left out. 

    You can let him know that the night before is going to be a girls night, but try to include him in some other way.  I think your mom is more worried that he will be upset that he isn't included in special plans, not that he necessarily should be included in the spa activities.

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  • I think the idea of lunch with him the day before is a great idea.  But I wouldn't invite him to the girls' day, nor I would suggest that you force FI to include him either!!  Send him golfing!
  • Thanks guys! I like the idea of having a special day out with just me and him - plus it is probably a good way to take a break from wedding craziness. You've gotten me thinking that since I grew up doing outdoor stuff with my dad, I'll see if he wants to put the canoe in the water one afternoon and go for a paddle, just the two of us. He'll like that better than being dragged around a spa day, and he can still sleep over at the B&B with us if he wants to.
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