Would this even be practical?

[Deleted User] · October 2012

My boyfriend and I live in DC where everything is very expensive. If we were to do a traditional wedding (at a hotel or historic house or whatever) we'd be looking at at least $85 per person for food on top of venue rental, etc. It'd be crazy expensive and we just don't have that kind of money. Even if we did, I wouldn't feel right spending that much.

So I came up with an idea! I need input though to see if it makes any sense/

ON A SATURDAY PROBABLY...

- Have wedding ceremony with closest 50 or less friends and family on the National Mall

- Take pictures around the city for a couple hours, leave guests to do as they please

- Meet at a restaurant for an intimate dinner; no dancing or anything, just good food and chat and whatnot

AND THEN...

- The next day (a Sunday) have a cookout/pot luck sort of deal in my grandmother's backyard in Pennsylvania and invite EVERYONE we know to celebrate. Music, food, and the works, but without costing much.

Basically, I don't want to sacrifice the classy wedding, but I also like the idea of a big get-together where other people can celebrate with us while saving tons of money.

So, would this even work? And if so, what would the invitations to the Sunday event even say? Because I wouldn't want it to be awkward for people who weren't invited to the initimate dinner the night before.

Any thoughts would be super appreciated!

birddeisgner · October 2012

This is super awkward... Have the wedding you can afford. Figure out your budget. Go a little out of the city. But no two-tier invites. Everyone should be invited to the same party. And all the people that went to the party are going to say "why weren't you at the ceremony? it was so lovely!"

The only way that I've seen it not awkward was where the bride and groom eloped to Colorado without any WP, had fabulous pics taken and had a reception for everyone after their honeymoon... 6 weeks later. Not even their parents were at their wedding ceremony.

K Everdeen12 · October 2012

There is really nothing I like about that plan. Don't make your guests "wander around" DC so you can take pictures, that's insanely rude.

Also, don't assume your grandmother will let you use her backyard for a BBQ. EVERYONE you know? Yeah I have a huge family, and BBQs at my grandmom's are a regular thing. But if I invited everyone I know to her backyard, I'd look like a jerk. (A day after she was just in DC to witness your wedding, no less.)

FI and I actually spoke about doing something similar - wedding/dinner reception in NYC with just the immediate families and then a very casual, tented BBQ celebration a week or two later for our extended families and friends (in NJ, halfway point for the families). This is really the way to do it - make it be a separate weekend (honeymoon in between) and the ceremony must be really small. I'd be kind of peeved if I wasn't good enough to be one of the 50 that goes to the wedding, but good enough to come celebrate the day after (and give you a gift). It will look gift grabby.

Once you get engaged, set a budget with your then-FI. (Great way to do it - how much can you/are you willing to save each month multiplied by how many months you want your engagement to be = wedding budget!) Talk about guest lists and get a feel for what kind of wedding you want. After you've figured this out, THEN start looking at venues. You might be surprised at what you end up planning. (My wedding is way, way more fomal than I ever imagined having, and I'm in love with every aspect of it.)

ETA: Another point. While I think pot lucks are great for family gatherings (this is how my family does all of our BBQs), I don't think they have any place at a wedding. Your friends and family will be there for one purpose - to celebrate YOUR wedding. They shouldn't be cooking for you, you need to host them. I was even offended that my mom and aunts provided dishes for my cousin's bridal shower. We already were bringing a gift, we shouldn't have also been the catering.

lovelyheather · October 2012

I wouldn't worry about this until you are engaged.

Stina51286 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-this-even-be-practical?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:699f3fc7-fa47-46d3-957a-ba270e70f2afPost:2e737587-9e1f-4ef4-93ae-beeb0e8a9744">Would this even be practical?</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriend and I live in DC where everything is very expensive. If we were to do a traditional wedding (at a hotel or historic house or whatever) we'd be looking at at least $85 per person for food on top of venue rental, etc. It'd be crazy expensive and we just don't have that kind of money. Even if we did, I wouldn't feel right spending that much. So I came up with an idea! I need input though to see if it makes any sense/ ON A SATURDAY PROBABLY... - Have wedding ceremony with closest 50 or less friends and family on the National Mall - Take pictures around the city for a couple hours, leave guests to do as they please - Meet at a restaurant for an intimate dinner; no dancing or anything, just good food and chat and whatnot AND THEN... - The next day (a Sunday) have a cookout/pot luck sort of deal in my grandmother's backyard in Pennsylvania and invite EVERYONE we know to celebrate. Music, food, and the works, but without costing much. Basically, I don't want to sacrifice the classy wedding, but I also like the idea of a big get-together where other people can celebrate with us while saving tons of money. So, would this even work? And if so, what would the invitations to the Sunday event even say? Because I wouldn't want it to be awkward for people who weren't invited to the initimate dinner the night before. Any thoughts would be super appreciated!
Posted by saaxvi[/QUOTE]

Get engaged first and then start thinking about it.

SKP82 · October 2012

First, Heather and Stina were right - you don't need to be worrying about this until you are engaged.

Second, please do not do this. A potluck for a reception is really rude. It's also crappy to invite people to your "reception" if they weren't invited to your ceremony (the only way this is usually considered okay is if you and your SO elope).

Also, like Katniss said, do not leave your guests to "do as they please" for hours while you take pictures. Again, very rude.

dewingedpixie · October 2012

I'm with these people dont worry about it until you're engaged.

I live near dc we are doing our wedding 3.5 hours away to accomodate our 100+ guests because though we can afford a 20k wedding I refuse to pay that. REFUSE! Plus we have almost half of our guests that were going to have to travel 9 hours to come to our wedding so we're making their trip 6 hours, our trip 3.5 and the hotels, wedding etc all half the price.

There are many ways to have a cost effective wedding in the DC metro area if you want to drive 1-3 hours. Our main reason for the drive is for the hotel cost and to make it even for both sides of our family. I'd also like to use money towards a house rather than a big party.

Once you are engaged there are a lot of bridal expos here and vendors come from all over the region. Many have very cost effective venues. Set your budget and then go to look you might be surprised what you find.

minskat30 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-this-even-be-practical?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:699f3fc7-fa47-46d3-957a-ba270e70f2afPost:2e737587-9e1f-4ef4-93ae-beeb0e8a9744">Would this even be practical?</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriend and I live in DC where everything is very expensive. If we were to do a traditional wedding (at a hotel or historic house or whatever) we'd be looking at at least $85 per person for food on top of venue rental, etc. It'd be crazy expensive and we just don't have that kind of money. Even if we did, I wouldn't feel right spending that much. So I came up with an idea! I need input though to see if it makes any sense/ ON A SATURDAY PROBABLY... - Have wedding ceremony with closest 50 or less friends and family on the National Mall - Take pictures around the city for a couple hours, leave guests to do as they please - Meet at a restaurant for an intimate dinner; no dancing or anything, just good food and chat and whatnot AND THEN... - The next day (a Sunday) have a cookout/pot luck sort of deal in my grandmother's backyard in Pennsylvania and invite EVERYONE we know to celebrate. Music, food, and the works, but without costing much. Basically, I don't want to sacrifice the classy wedding, but I also like the idea of a big get-together where other people can celebrate with us while saving tons of money. So, would this even work? And if so, what would the invitations to the Sunday event even say? Because I wouldn't want it to be awkward for people who weren't invited to the initimate dinner the night before. Any thoughts would be super appreciated!
Posted by saaxvi[/QUOTE]

I agree with the other ladies and want to point you to your own words here. If having a "classy wedding" has to cost $85pp (and it doesn't) and that is the kind of wedding you want, you will have to invite less people to your wedding. Your friends and family will be hurt to have a two-tiered invitation and even those invited to the ceremony will be beyond peeved to be invited to a wedding where they have to wander about a city they don't live in while you take pictures.

Please don't do this. I think you know it is a bad idea. When you get engaged (i.e., not now), plan a wedding you can afford without hurting peoples' feelings like this.

Letstrythis1001 · October 2012

I agree with the above ladies. None of your concerns are decisions that need to be made until you two have actually sat down and discussed intentions and budget. I think you're ahead of yourself here. You need to hold off on planning all the details of that day until you have a clear idea of what you're really looking at (guest list wise, budget wise), and get engaged first!

steign · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-this-even-be-practical?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:699f3fc7-fa47-46d3-957a-ba270e70f2afPost:2e737587-9e1f-4ef4-93ae-beeb0e8a9744">Would this even be practical?</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriend and I live in DC where everything is very expensive. If we were to do a traditional wedding (at a hotel or historic house or whatever) we'd be looking at at least $85 per person for food on top of venue rental, etc. It'd be crazy expensive and we just don't have that kind of money. Even if we did, I wouldn't feel right spending that much. So I came up with an idea! I need input though to see if it makes any sense/ ON A SATURDAY PROBABLY... - Have wedding ceremony with closest 50 or less friends and family on the National Mall - Take pictures around the city for a couple hours, leave guests to do as they please - Meet at a restaurant for an intimate dinner; no dancing or anything, just good food and chat and whatnot AND THEN... - The next day (a Sunday) have a cookout/pot luck sort of deal in my grandmother's backyard in Pennsylvania and invite EVERYONE we know to celebrate. Music, food, and the works, but without costing much. Basically, I don't want to sacrifice the classy wedding, but I also like the idea of a big get-together where other people can celebrate with us while saving tons of money. So, would this even work? And if so, what would the invitations to the Sunday event even say? Because I wouldn't want it to be awkward for people who weren't invited to the initimate dinner the night before. Any thoughts would be super appreciated!
Posted by saaxvi[/QUOTE]

Well just as PPs mentioned you should NOT be planning a wedding when you're not engaged. I don't think it's as much awkward as it is rude to ask people to bring food to your "reception" and also have the spend money and time preparing it on top of possibly getting you a gift or giving cash if that's their preference.

peekaboo2011 · October 2012

As PP said, don't plan a wedding before you're engaged.

That being said, there are plenty of affordable options in DC, thankyouverymuch. You just have to know where to look. And that research should be done ONCE YOU ARE ENGAGED.

vanityink · October 2012

And, just for the record, I don't know if you've looked into it, but you can't just set up shop in front of the Washington Monument and get married. There are only 3 places on the mall you can get married, none of them especially famous (near the Jeffersonn Memorial, off the main part of the mall, by the George Mason memorial and the DC War Memorial) and even then you have to get permits and follow all sorts of special rules. Once you get engaged, you could look more into it.

Would this even be practical?

Re: Would this even be practical?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards