Pastor will not marry us

Re: Pastor will not marry us

• CourtneyBC

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  I'm really sorry your pastor told you a yes and then backed out. That was really rude of him, but surely you understand why he won't?
  
  2 Corinthians 6:14 says "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
  
  As far as whether or not he'll know he's uninvited, probably not. Just don't send him an invitation. If he shoes up uninvited, he'll look like a jerk. But it wouldn't surprise me if he doesn't show up anyway if he has really strong convictions about that verse.
  
  Good luck in getting everything figured out!

  

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• arthomas82 member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  Thank you for your response. I absolutely understand why he wont marry us, as the bible is very clear about unequally yolked. I respect the fact that he is going by the bible, but I just wish he had been honest about that sooner. Come to find out, they were basically just hoping and praying that my FIs stance on christianity would change prior to formally booking as our officiant. It will all work out and I'm just glad we found out 6 months before the wedding versus 6 weeks

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• CourtneyBC

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  That is good that you found out early. Here's a suggestion. I don't know what your state laws are, but in Texas you're able to take some fairly short, state-approved test that allows you to become an officiant. If you have a really close mutual friend that you would like to have wed you (so it won't be a hired stranger), you might look into your state laws regarding that.

  

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• brit_bell90

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  I would definitely not send them an invitation, since he is no longer doing the wedding. As for officiants I found this website, gatheringguide.com It's where I found my officiant, and without that website I was so lost. I hope that helps!
  

  
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• ierland member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  That is the reaso most shy away from religion. It is a choice, god gave free will, forcing someone to convert is wrong and aginst god. Some christians forget this very important fact. Free will. I'm a christian but I refuse to go to church and be exposed to such people, they are jst one step from being a cult.

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• HookaPants

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  Your pastor was expecting someone to convert over Cobb salad? Yea...I don't think I could take him too seriously after that.

  "I would be sad if sex was only about the climax, lame." Someone who is obviously doing it wrong
  

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• TheDuckis member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  If I was your FI I'd be running for the hills. It sounds like your parents were in on the whole thing.
  
  I would sit down with them and let them know in no uncertain terms that FI is not converting, and the two of you won't be proselytized to. It's time to pick him over your family, or let him find someone who's parents won't look down his beliefs for the rest of his life.
  

  
  Crap...I Mean Crafts

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• DG1 member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  Agreed 100% with duckis.  This is going to be an issue throughout your entire MARRIAGE, not just your wedding.  When you have kids, are they just going to silently hope that you start raising them in the church in spite of your FI's beliefs?  Are they going to take the children and baptize them behind your back? 
  
  MAJOR red flags here, big time. 
  
  And really, to "witness to your FI" and "share his testimony?"  Who talks like that?
  
  

  
  

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• felicia220 member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  We are having FI's cousin marry us.  He got ordained online.  We didn't want to have a religious ceremony as neither one of us are religious and we also didn't want to hire a stranger.  It has been fun working with him on stuff and he is really excited about it! It makes it just that much better.  

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• Butter Cookie member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_pastor-will-not-marry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:8a3b267b-0b65-4357-a2fe-2acc7d5af51cPost:361964f3-4f2f-4674-90b0-6b4395007d8f">Pastor will not marry us</a>:
  [QUOTE]My FI and I were under the impression that my pastor was going to marry us (I literally asked my pastor months ago and got a "yes" as well as my parents) which I was excited about. Pastor emailed FI to meet him for lunch today to get to know him a little better...AND to witness to my FI. I'm a christian, my FI is not, so obviously my pastor wanted to evangalize a bit. We were excited for the lunch, as this was going to give my pastor and FI an opportunity to get to know each other before marrying. Apparently the pastor had another agenda: see if my FI will become a christian DURING lunch or not marry us. My FI listened to my pastor share his testimony and he was honest with him about his beliefs as well. The pastor was quick to let him know that he will NOT be marrying us now. I should have known because most pastors only marry two christians BUT he agreed previously so I was shocked by this. I was pretty upset and told my mom that we need to book an officiant - she said "Well, miracles do happen", insinuating that there is still time for my FI to convert to christianity and have my pastor marry us! NO WAY. My mom is now visibly upset that we will be getting married by a "hired stranger" but I'm upset that there is and has been so much emphasis on religion. My family loves my FI and wouldnt want me to marry anyone else - I understand that they want him to become a christian but this is insane. Waiting for a miracle to happen?? Im sad that my mother is sad but I will absolutely not subject my FI to this sort of thing ever again. I really really wish that we had just decided to elope at this point - religion has somehow completely taken over everything. Hmm...so now where do I start with finding an officiant? OH - and a save-the-date has already been sent to the pastor and his wife but I dont want them there now that I know they dont approve of our marriage. Is it just common knowledge that they are no longer invited??
  Posted by arthomas82[/QUOTE]
  
  
  Ok first I want to say kudos for not considering trying to convert your fiance just to have this man marry you. It shows character that you love and accept him as he is and didn't question trying to change him.
  
  Second - I know you're sad about the pastor but really, if that's how he has to have it, is that the kind of man you want marrying you two anyway?
  
  You can find someone and get to know them and have them marry you. Try a non-denominational or alternative faith minister to marry you.
  
  If you're in the Sedona area you'll find that there are a lot of non-denominational ministers, as it's considered a metaphysical hotspot.
  
  <a href="http://www.allweddingcompanies.com/ceremony/ministers/arizona/index.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.allweddingcompanies.com/ceremony/ministers/arizona/index.html</a> I googled just to see and this website came up. Some are even preferred. You might also ask your local board for advice on a non-denominational minister.
  
  The upside is that they might be more flexible with vows, so you both get to vow as you choose.

  

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• GBCK member

  

  May 2010 edited December 2011

  I'm giving your pastor the side-eye here.
  
  I don't really object to much to a church saying "look, we won't marry people who aren't of the same religion'"--I think it's their right and I think, realistically, it's one of the things about marriage that the bible is actually pretty clear on.
  
  BUT, the idea that your pastor is trying to force a conversion, and trying to force it within his timeframe?  yeaaaaah, that's not cool.  Especially since it sounds more like he wants you and your FI to pay lipservice than to actually have any real beliefs.
  
  Honestly, that's enough for me to want to leave a church over
  

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