Walk down the aisle problem...

mmtaylo · October 2012

I am debating on what to do about my walk down the isle. My parents have been divorced since I was very young and I have a stepfather who has been in my life for 14years. I do have a relationship with my dad and he will be at my wedding but my stepdad had a larger part in raising me than my dad did. I know it is my wedding and my day but I'm really trying to avoid hurting anyones feeling. Should I choose one to walk me down the aisle, or walk alone?

stantokm · October 2012

Why not have both?

Miss Esa · October 2012

You could walk alone.
You could have both walk you down
You could walk half way with your dad and walk the rest of the way with your step dad. (Or vice versa)

MyNameIsNot · October 2012

It's an aisle.

You can walk down it with either your dad or stepdad, or both, or by yourself, or you could walk with your mother. If she was the strongest parent raising you, that would make sense.

mmtaylo · October 2012

Thanks everyone! And pardon the misspelling, I was in a hurry and didn't proofread..

Bethella · October 2012

My friend was in the same situation and to avoid the inevitable argument between her dad and stepfather, she asked her brother to walk her down the aisle. I don't know if you have a brother, but perhaps a close cousin, or heck, even a close uncle? Someone above mentioned your mother. That would be a good choice too!

thelittlesignal · October 2012

I was worried about the same thing. I ended up deciding on my little brother.

kmmssg · October 2012

Was your stepdad more prevalent in your life because biodad flaked out or just because mom had physical custody?

If your dad flaked out on you then have both.

If your dad was there for everything he could be, then here is my answer from a previous thread:

'I will be honest that "sometimes" I think bio dads get a big huge shaft in this. Some bio dads suck and are deadbeats. I'm not talking about those guys. I'm talking about the ones who didn't get custody but always paid child support, always showed up for their visitation, weekends, school functions, etc. The ones who were always there but lived elsewhere.

My DH is one of those dads. So is my ex-husband. My husband has been beyond wonderful to my girls but if they asked him to also take part in walking them down the aisle, he would tell them no and that belonged to their dad.

My youngest stepdd got married at 18, engaged at 17 and we were the only ones who didn't think this was a great idea. She decided that she would have DH walk her the first half of the aisle to represent the first half of her life when her parents were married, and then hand her off to stepdad to give her away because he was the "one there for her."
No, he was the one she lived with. Dh was at every concert, every program, every Wednesday night, every parent teacher conference, every holiday, every birthday, etc. He just didn't have custody. I've never seen him so hurt and he had every right to be.

When a dad can't be there 24/7 but is there in every possible way he can be, I don't think he should have to share the walk down the aisle. It isn't a case of him needing to "nut up and deal with it." This is just as emotional for him as it would be if he were still married to the MOB and that should be considered to. Sometimes I am stunned at the comments that say the dad will have to deal with it and it is no big deal. yes, it is.

There are wonderful stepdads out there. I am married to one of them. He has said emphatically that he would never dream of horning in on that moment between my ex-h and my daughters because it should belong to my ex-h as he was a good dad.

Again, this has nothing to do with deadbeat dads vs stepdads who really stepped up to the plate. But the non custodial dad who has done everything he should and can, deserves the honor.'

mcda04 · October 2012

I would walk alone. but you can also walk with one dad and the other can "give you away" at the altar.

dreambug & bear · October 2012

I was in the the exact same position with my first marriage as you are in now. Since both my father & stepfather played such an influential role in my life I decided to have both walk me down the aisle. They were beyond happy and honored that I respected them both equally.

I even took it a step further and danced with both for my father-daughter dance.That part I know I would have done differently--lol

troyandwhitney · October 2012

I went to a beautiful wedding a few years ago where both fathers walked her down the aisle. I've even heard of some where the birth father walked her halfway, and the step-father walked the other half.

It's entirely your choice! It's YOUR day, do what would make it special for yourself.

MissRutig · December 2012

I was having this problem too. My stepdad raised me, but now my father is in my life. I had thrown around diff ideas of walking halfway with each, walking the whole way with both, or just picking one of the two to walk me.

The final decision was.. having my mom, alone walk me the whole way. She is the "constant" parent my whole life and I felt she was ultimately the one who had the right to "give me away". I am very excited about it... I know some people will look at it weird (considering both my dads will be there) but i got tired of trying to do what others wanted... and finally did what I felt would make me happy on my big day.

Walk down the aisle problem...

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