Generous or selfish?

[Deleted User] · July 2012

I don't know what to think about this. One of my BM has done a 180 from when I first started planning and now seems to want nothing, or very little, to do with the wedding. I've confirmed that she is trying to get to the dress shop to try on her dress and get alterations done, and that she has a few different plans to find a pair of navy shoes (as all the BMs agreed on when we picked our dresses.) I'm happy about that because as of two days ago, I was convinced she was going to drop out - getting her dress and any other wedding related things - just didn't seem to be anywhere on her radar.

Now this is the part where I don't know how to feel. She has not recieved a bachelorette invite. It was her thought that she was left off the guest list on purpose since she said she wouldn't be able to attend. I provided the guest list to the BM who sent the invitations and I was slightly offended that she would think that a) I wouldn't put her on the list or

the BM who sent out the invites purposefully did not invite her. I know plans change so of course I had one sent to her one and she should get it anyday now.

Along with that - first she said she couldn't come to the bachelorette party, then she said she could, then she said she can't again. Ok, fineI understand that. BUT now she's telling me she could switch her hours and come, but that she probably won't because she'd rather hang out just the two of us and take me lingerie shopping instead of coming to my bachelorette party and bringing lingerie as a gift (It's a bachelorette party/lingerie shower). I could care less whether she buys me lingerie or not. The part that upsets me is that she hasn't tried to get to know any of the other bridesmaids and now she'd rather do something one on one with me than come hang out with all my friends. She isn't a shy person. I know that she doesn't get along with one of the BMs (the girl who sent the invite - the three of us lived together in college and for some unknown reason this girl can't stand the other girl.)

I guess my question is, is it generous to offer to hang out with me one-to-one or is it selfish because it seems she's just trying to avoid the other BMs?

I should note that there has been some miscommunication with the planning of the bacholorette party and I truly belive that's why she's avoiding the party. She is a person that always closes herself off and puts up walls to avoid situtations.

Sorry that turned out to be so long!

NRod70 · July 2012

Its hard to say because I don't know her personally. That being said, she obviously wants to spend time with you...if she doesn't get along with the other girl, maybe she is just trying to spare your (and her) feelings, knowing that something could happen at the party. If she is one to "close herself off", most likely that is what she is doing. I wouldn't call that selfish.

As far as the invite, I can totally understand that she felt she was intentionally left off the list, if the person in charge of it is someone she has had issues with in the past! I would think the same thing if I were in her position.

It sounds as if she is torn and is having problems with this, if she keeps changing her mind if she is coming or not. If she is really a good friend (which its sounds like she is), I would just accept what she is offering. That's what I would do myself.

Good luck and I hope everything works out in the end!

[Deleted User] · July 2012

Thanks. I know she isn't required to go to any parties but she has been the biggest pain and this didn't make things any less stressful. Honestly it'll probably more fun without her anyway. I'll spend less time worrying about if she is happy and more time having a blast myself! I just think that a 25 year old woman should set aside any stupid childish fued that happened four years ago and TRY to get along with people. The disagreement is totally one sided and the girl that is disliked would never hurt a fly, let alone sabotage the invitations and not send someone one.

Generous or selfish?

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