Invite Coworkers for just dancing and drinks?

drdifabio · May 2010

I keep thinking about what to do with my co-workers and the guest list. I spend so much of my time with them right now but I know that if I leave the company I would likely not talk to them again. I go back and forth because they are a big part of my life right now and they take an interest in the wedding, but I just cannot justify having them as full guests on our budget.

After talking to some people - one who is a coworker - I have come up with the idea of having a later reception start time for them so they can come after dinner and enjoy free drinks and dancing.

A) Do you think this is a good idea?

If so, what should I put on their invite?

Here is my idea so far:

TIA!

threemarie24 · May 2010

When I first read it, I was thinking to myself why are you moving to "the cool dance club" after the reception!!! HAHAHA LOL but I get it now. WOW TGIF tomorrow.

I Want Cake · May 2010

Inviting them for drinks/dancing sounds just fine, especially if there are a lot of them. I'm also debating on if I'm going to invite coworkers at all and which ones, but it'll definitely be reception only.

At the very least, they get to share the funnest part of the day with you and they'll get free drinks out of it, plus not have to hob-nob with your family at assigned tables. If I were on your guest list, I wouldn't complain.

LaceyMK · May 2010

I'm doing this as well because my family is so freaking big (each of my parents have 8 siblings).
This is the post card that we will hand deliver to those recipients:

blondie424 · May 2010

I didn't invite any of my co-workers...I've been here for 6.5 years and they've been a huge part of my life right now but looking down the road 10-15 years, we'll likely be facebook friends, at best. This was a very hard decision for me though, one I spent quite a few months going back and forth on. Joe did invite his co-workers but he works in a much smaller office than I do and he hangs out with those people on a regular basis outside of work.

When it came down to it, I'm personally not a fan of things like A&B guest lists or inviting some to just the reception...it's an all or nothing thing for me. And while I do think those options are perfectly acceptable, they just weren't for me. GL!

shameless_ad · May 2010

I voted to invite them for drinks and dancing. I had a coworker do this a few years ago, and I thought it was fine. I wasn't offended by it at all, I was just glad to be invited for the celebration.

Her wording was similar to what you wrote up. If you want, I can ask her specifically what her wording was and get back to you...

drdifabio · May 2010

shameless - that would be great! I am still going back and forth on this but the more info I can collect the better.

sunkiss177 · May 2010

I voted to leave them off. If I got that invite and showed up (maybe even a little early....) and saw everyone "but me" (it might seem that way) was there I would be put off and maybe even wonder if I was just a "have to add" guest. If you told me about the issue before hand...face to face...I would feel better about it.

Clare13 · May 2010

I have been this guest. You need to make it very clear that they are second rate guests and not invited to the wedding and dinner if you do this. They are only coming for the "after party" and are not a real guest. For the reception we were invited to, we were greeted at the door with guests asking us why WE were late? When we explained that this is when our invitation told us to be there they responded with, well you missed everything. The hosted drinks were gone within about 1/2 hour of us arriving. (They had planned "hosted" drinks all night but ran out.) We never got to talk to the bride and groom as they were busy with the "real" guests. We arrived with a present thinking we were invited to most of the activities. Unfortunately this has left a very bad taste in my mouth when brides do this. If you want someone there invite them. If you don't want them to come to everything please leave them off. I seriously almost took my gift back as we walked out the door. I'm still pissed I didn't five years later. Please do not make some guests second rate. Basically you are telling your coworkers that they can bring you a present but can't join in the actual wedding celebration. I personally would have much rather have been told, "we don't have enough room." And bottom line, the bride and groom didn't really care in the end that we came. They were too busy with the people that were invited to all the activities. Please don't put any of your guests in this situation. Ok Vent over...

If you really still want to do it I would suggest:

Please join us for drinks and dancing at 8:30 pm after our wedding and dinner.

This way it is very clear to the guests what they are really invited to and what they were left out of.

debbieupper · May 2010

I voted to NOT include them. I would say the only situation this might be okay is if you are having a really small amount of guests (family only, for example) for the ceremony so that they don't show up and realize there were 150-200 people who did get an invite for dinner and the ceremony. That would make me feel like a really "second-rate" friend, especially since you know they're going to get you presents.

izzyjenni · May 2010

I am going to voice my opinion here a little strongly.. As a teacher, I work very closely with about 35 other teachers. They are like family to me at school and we talk about pretty much everything. I can't invite 35 extra people to my wedding however. SO I followed suit as the other teachers in the building by inviting them for the drink and dance portion of our reception. We have gone to other teachers' weddings in my building this same way and did NOT feel like 2nd rate guests. We had a fabulous time and got to enjoy and celebrate in our coworkers day! SO my vote was that it was ok. MANY people do this and MOST people feel just honored to be included. Maybe my field of work is different, but we all know how expensive it is to host a wedding...and my coworkers actually are very excited to join us for drinks and the dance.

kkaew816 · May 2010

You know how I feel about this! I think it's fine and I would not be offended if a co worker invited me to just the dancing and drinking part.

I like how Lacey has her postcards not so formal looking!

Steph0871 · May 2010

I agree that in most situations it is terrible to split guests. However, I kind of agree with this situation. Only because "coworkers" are a distinctly separate group of people from "friends" and "family." Unless you hang out with your coworkers outside of work, I think it's fine to invite them to drinks and dancing only. Just make sure they know they're only being invited to part of the party!

drdifabio · May 2010

Thanks everyone for your honest answers!

I have been thinking it over and I think I am going to do a very informal word of mouth/email/evite invitation letting my coworkers on my team know the day we are getting married and to let them know if they want to join us later in the evening for drinks and dancing that they are more than welcome. I did talk to one of my coworkers and she thinks everyone will get it - we are paying for it ourselves and they know it. I am also the youngest on my team by about 6 years so I think they understand just starting out. I also am planning on making it a point to see and talk to each of them. I am sure they will all come as a group too.

Thanks again!

hkiesling · May 2010

Coming in late, but when I was in college I belonged to a martial art school.. When our instructor got married, he hung a sign in the do-jang inviting anyone from the school for drinks and dancing. We all understood that it wasn't for dinner, and I was happy to be able to take part in the celebration (ever see a room full of martial artists fight over a bouquet? I have!). I wasn't offended in the least. Again, like pp mentioned, we were invited as a group. Maybe that made it a little better.

Aimothy · May 2010

We invited people to just the dancing part of the reception. We had separate invites that we hand delivered. Mostly just friends of my parents and siblings, that I didn't have a real connection, too. I am a teacher, too and I would have invited the staff to the reception, except I got married three hours away from where I work. I thought that might be a little rude. Please drive three hours, but I'm not going to feed you. I think that in the case of a group of people, as long as it's clear they are just coming for the dancing portion of the reception, if they get upset, it's on them, not you. I've been invited to the reception only to a few weddings, and I'm always happy to go join in the celebration. I think most of us get how crazy stressful those guestlists can be, especially if we've been married before.

grtaschlick · May 2010

This is my plan with my coworkers, just to invite them to the dance afterwards.

shameless_ad · May 2010

Here's what my coworker wrote this morning:

Please celebrate our marriage by joining us for drinks and dancing. We had 9:00pm on there (our dinner and everything had pretty much ended by 8:15/8:30 but this allowed all of the dished to be cleared and not look awkward when they arrived).

She's going to send me the actual wording, which she has saved somewhere at home. I can PM you with it when I get it!

I still think it's a good idea.

dc*prep · May 2010

Personally, I'm not a fan. I've always been of the mindset that you invite people for ALL, or NOTHING.

However, if you decide to invite them, I'd personally ask all of them NOT to give you a gift.

leggwilliams · May 2010

I voted not to invite them but the posts in favors of it changed my mind. I say go for it, but like dc*prep said, I'd make it clear you don't expect a gift

hallieba · May 2010

One other thing to think about: when all those new people in the "second wave" come in, you're going to have to greet them and talk to them and introduce them to people all over again...you'll never get to dance!

Invite Coworkers for just dancing and drinks?

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