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New York-Hudson Valley
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Out of curiosity.....

hopeful523hopeful523 member
10 Comments
in New York-Hudson Valley

Since we're currently deciding between two venues, we've begun to discuss other aspects of the wedding to help us choose. One of the main factors is the ceremony ( it will need to be on sight) and the importance of the ceremony location and look at both places. Now, we haven't solidified a bridal party yet since we don't have a desired date in mind (either Aug or Sept of 2012) but my FI brought up a question that I'm just not sure about.. Would it be wrong if he doesn't include his brothers in the BP? Has anyone kept them out of the BP but still included them in the wedding in some aspect? I was thinking the brothers could walk our grandparents and mothers down the aisle. We wanted to keep the wedding party small but if we include the brother's the FI will have 7 groomsmen (including his best man).

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Re: Out of curiosity.....

  • nybride10nybride10
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    depends on the family and their relationships.. i couldn't justify why my sisters were not my maid/matrons of honor... dh has his brother as best man. IMO if your not going to have them as BM they should be a GM.. it's only right
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  • yoko2011yoko2011 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    What is their relationship? It's great they're brothers but if they don't have a relationship it's not required. If they're close maybe have them do a reading. You should have those who are close to you stand up for you. I.e. my FI has made a slew of overtures to his brother and they don't really speak. I will be surprised if he attends. So to him to have him in the wedding makes no sense. Obviously, every relationship is different but you get the idea.

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  • hopeful523hopeful523 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yea.. they aren't close at all. Often result in fighting because of the HUGE personality difference between them. I just feel bad because he's so torn between asking them because they're family and not asking them and looking poorly upon in the family's eyes...
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  • Sekhmet2386Sekhmet2386
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, my brothers are in the party and I am not very close with them but i could not justify not including them and you know what? when I asked my one brother he was so blown away he has made it a point once a week to touch base since I asked him 6 months ago. We have 8GM including the Best man and wouldnt have it differently. Also, my two brothers will walk down the aisle together because I dont have enough BM's and I am ok with that. Another food for thought.... when you line up for family photos... you want to make sure you family matches and doesnt have some crazy scheme to throw your pictures off... why spend all that money to have a few sore thumbs... might be mean but my FBIL... If i didnt think of this he would come in something outrageous and i would have no say.... this way... its all good... Call me a b*&^H but i am not losing sleep over my decission.
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  • hopeful523hopeful523 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Very true Sekhmet.. We aren't close with his brother's either but it would feel weird not including them. I guess it doesn't matter if I don't choose as many BM's the numbers could be off on either side (guess i'm a little OCD about it). Thanks for the help guys!
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  • Shari16Shari16
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hopeful523... I've been in your shoes, and it's NOT an easy decision! My FI has three siblings, 2 brothers and 1 sister. He is pretty close with one of his brothers but not at all his other one. His sister, well, she's a different story... she's the family outcast, but I won't get into it...
    He was torn about asking one brother to be in the wedding and not the other one, and almost asked both because it was the "right thing to do".  He and I were both very particular with who we asked because we wanted to have the people we were closest to at our sides, not just the people that "should" be there. Anyway, he didn't end up asking the brother he isn't close with, and no feelings were hurt. At some point while he was still deciding his brother actually called him (which never happens), to say, "You're not going to ask me to be in the wedding, are you? I'm pretty broke these days.". We were so relieved when he said that!
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  • mjbressanmjbressan
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I had the opposite problem.  DH wasn't close with his sisters at all and told me not to have them in the wedding.  I thought it would be nice and convinced him that it would make us all closer.  He let me ask them and it was a nightmare!  The gave me a headache about everything and then yelled at me for not including their mother enough.  (When, in fact, I did include MIL in everything I planned.  She wasn't interested enough in responding to anything.)  Then one of my lovely SIL threw a huge scene at my wedding. 
    If you are not close and can get around it without offending them, ot might be easier on you to not have them in the wedding party.  Maybe they could do a reading?
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  • rblucyrblucy
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I have 1 brother and DH has 1 sister and we had both in BP.  We also had SIL's husband as a GM.  I think it was the right decision for us.  For us, family is always there in the long run so we wanted them there.

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  • probablykateprobablykate member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have two brothers, I am close to them both, and FI is really close with one of them as well.  But we didn't ask them to be in the bridal party.  FI already had some friends in mind and we wanted to keep the size of the bridal party pretty small.  I know my brothers well enough to know that they will be just as happy if not happier to be sitting in the audience rather than standing next to us.

    I guess prior posters are right that it depends on the family dynamic.  It never even occurred to me that anyone in the family would be upset or shocked if my brothers aren't groomsmen. 
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