please help!!

alliekinkaid3802 · August 2012

Well I just posted in what I thought was the correct forum board, and I started getting bashed for a comment I made about someone saying something inappropriate. So I got NO help there. Anyways !! My cousin is a bridesmaid and she never makes any effort to do meet up when I ask all of my BMs..ie bridesmaids dresses, breakfast to meet the other BMs. She always makes an excuse then goes off with her bf. You can just tell she doesn't care. But because she's family, I can't cut her. I really don't want to hear her mom constantly give me heck for it..idk what to do !! Help ?!

TheVirginians · August 2012

Why is her mother giving you heck when her own child bales on a gathering?

augurey · August 2012

How old is your cousin?

Depending on her age, could you maybe work with her mom as far as the dress goes? You can't force the cousin to do any of those things - she just needs to get the dress and show up. But I'm wondering if maybe you could give her mom the information on what dress to get and when it needs to get ordered, maybe it'll make it a little easier on you.

I know her mom is giving you grief - which is unfortunate. Maybe it depends on how you approach it? It's a tough situation. I hope it works itself out!

melb2013 · August 2012

Ummm I'm not sure which board you posted on before, but here's my opinion. You shouldn't be expecting her to do things in the first place. All that is required of being a bridesmaid is buying a dress, showing up to the wedding, and smiling on cue. If she didn't show up to pick out bridesmaids dress then, guess what, she doesn't get a choice in the dress. Otherwise, she doesn't need to do anything else and you shouldn't be requiring her to do it in the first place.

Carson386 · August 2012

Ok, I saw your post on the other board. You're cousin is not required to do anything other than get a dress and show up. So what if she doesn't want to meet up 6 times with the other BMs? I understand you're upset about her not having a dress. Someone already mentioned talking to your aunt, is that a possibility? Tell your aunt the style dress and when it needs to be ordered by. If your cousin doesn't get the dress by the time she needs it- then it's no longer your problem. I told my BMs the styles they could pick from and the color and the date they needed to be ordered by. One girl said she might forget so I told her I would send her 1 emaill reminding her, after that it's no longer my responsibility since we are all adults.

kmsst48 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_please-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:d532aaa0-c644-4e98-a9f0-c5e92483e6bbPost:94f25589-550c-47a1-81b8-4a14ebb8e4d0">Re: please help!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ummm I'm not sure which board you posted on before, but here's my opinion. You shouldn't be expecting her to do things in the first place. All that is required of being a bridesmaid is buying a dress, showing up to the wedding, and smiling on cue. If she didn't show up to pick out bridesmaids dress then, guess what, she doesn't get a choice in the dress. Otherwise, she doesn't need to do anything else and you shouldn't be requiring her to do it in the first place.
Posted by melb2013[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>THS</div><div>
</div><div>I know you want them to be all about being a bridesmaid but its costly and you asked her to be part of your day. Some don't participate but maybe she didn't know of the expectations you had of your maids. I think it's nice you want them to be friends and stuff but honestly as long as she buys her dress and shows up with smiles it's all you can really ask for. :(</div>

alliekinkaid3802 · August 2012

Well thank you to those who aren't being completely rude about it..my aunt feels that her daughter is the most perfect person in the world. And I understand that because that's how I feel about my 5 month old daughter. but I just think it reaches a point when your child can speak for themselves... especially when they are 19. And the 6 meetups were not mandatory, I didnt go cry in the corner when she didnt show up, they weren't even a big deal. Its the fact that she lied to me. I understand they don't have to do every little thing i want from them, I never said that. So thank you..you are right, they don't have to do anything for me except show up, but it would be wonderful to have someone I thought was so close to me not lie to me over and over again.

SSaltzman87 · August 2012

Being a BM doesn't make her obligated to do anything other than get a dress and show up on the big day. I do understand though why you're irritated. She's an adult and she's free to be as involved as she wants to be.

augurey · August 2012

I'm sorry that your cousin is lying - and that's regardless of her age. Trying to play the devil's advocate - maybe she just doesn't want to do those things, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you straight up so has been coming up with excuses, not realizing that you're seeing through them. She really should be honest with you regardless of her reasons.

I think at this point I would just let her know the style & color of the dress that she needs and when she needs to have it ordered by. Then the rest is on her.

I hope it works out!

please help!!

Re: please help!!

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