Bridesmaid Scare

cassieg619 · May 2011

Hello,
I found this site visiting my friends wedding page and thought I'd look here for some advice. I am not yet engaged but I have a feeling its coming within the next few months....(my boyfriend can't keep secrets..)

I am one of those girls who doesn't have close girl friends. The majority of my friends have been male. The girl friends I do have are currently planning their weddings and I'm not in their bridal party (Although I'm involved in one of their weddings and the other called me to help her pick her bridal party..oh girls....). My problem is that I don't keep in touch. Men are easier to be friends with long term because you don't have to call every week to rekindle the friendship.

I have only a few girl cousins who I don't really speak with, I'm an only child, my boyfriend has no sisters-only one female cousin....He teases me that I won't have any bridesmais and I'm worried he's right! Do I join groups and clubs and try to build best friendships? Should I ask my girlfriends to be in my wedding even though I'm not in theirs? Do I go it alone?

I don't mind having one person up there with me, but I know my boyfriend wants to put every guy he knows up there (probably six groomsmen)

Help please!

ShakeUpTampa · May 2011

You can ask the gf's that you have even if you are not in their wedding or you can do it without any girls. You could use a good guy friend as well to stand up. Just because you are not in their wedding does not mean they would not want to be in yours. I did not ask one of my best friends because she hates attention but when I asked her to read at the ceremony some scripture because she was the only friend at my baptism she tearfully agreed. She doesn't want to wear a dress, hold a bouquet, be in the standing but she has no problem doing the reading.

Feel it out, but don't go trying to make new friends just to have people stand next to you, seems tacky and these are photos you will have forever.

CassieeK · May 2011

You should ask people you are close to to be in your wedding party. If you have more guy friends, have them stand up with you.

MairePoppy · May 2011

You can relax about this. You don't need BMs to get married.

If you have male friends they can stand on your side or you can go it alone, if you are more comfortable with that. That should have no influence on your fi's (to be) decision. He can still have his 6 GM because sides don't have to be even.

You can still ask your female friends to be in your wedding party, even though they didn't ask you to be in theirs. You should wait until about six months before the wedding to choose your wedding party. In the meantime, you could work on developing closer relationships with a few of those friends.

MarieSD · May 2011

I actually don't have close girlfriends either, and I remember watching I Love You, Man and thinking I wouldn't have anyone to ask to be a bridesmaid. But shortly after DH proposed, when I imagined our wedding day, I realized I was imagining certain people by my side -- a cousin I'd been very close to growing up (even though we'd drifted apart when I moved and she got married and had children) and two friends from college that I still consider close friends even though we only talk about twice a year (we live far apart, and none of us are phone people). I'm also not good at keeping in touch, but I still consider these ladies important in my life. So I asked them, and they all said yes. If they thought it was strange since we don't talk every week, they never said a word to me -- and we all had a blast.

Don't worry about this now ... when you're actively planning the wedding, wait and see if anyone comes to mind as someone you want by your side. You don't need anyone in your bridal party, and you don't want to try to create a friendship. (Imagine looking back in your wedding pictures in a decade at a bridesmaid whose name you can't remember, who you only picked because you felt pressured to have one!).

shelby_louis_2011 · May 2011

You said you have close male friends right? Would your fiance mind if you have some of them up there with you? I get along very well with guys so I am having my best male friend up there with me and my fiance is having his best girl friend up with him. Best of both worlds :]

jenn&chad · June 2011

I agree with Retread, you should think of who you trust and want with you. I have my BFF and my 3 cousins. My cousins and I were close as kids and even though we don't talk too often, when we do talk it's like no time has passed. If you don't have girl friends like that then have your guy friends there. If you imagine that the bridesmaid tradition doesn't exist, who do you really want with you to celebrate with.

tesskerr · June 2011

I was a bridesmaid once, and F-ing hated every minute of it, so I swore I wouldn't do that to someone else. I also don't really have many close friends. My FI may have 3 or 4 guys up with him. I am having my 2 sisters, but they won't be bridesmaids. They will be "the brides sisters" or more importantly, my sisters. They can wear whatever they want, full stop, but I will pay for their dresses, and my mums, as I know they will be a massive help to me.

My close-ish girlfriends are all co-workers. One idea I did see was inviting friends round the morning of, just to get ready together, We are all make-up artists and hair stylists, and love love love getting dressed up, so this might be fun, I don't know.

I know how you feel, but I would hate to look back on photos, see girls that I picked just so I could have bridesmaids, and no longer be friends with them.

If your FI is happy to have you have bridesmen, go for it! (just saying that, as some FI might have very traditional families or something, and he may feel uncomfortable)

I used to feel bad that I didn't have friends. Every new years, my resolution would be "Make more friends" "Be a good friend" "See your friends more often". I tried really hard, but every year it was always the same. A couple of years ago, I made a resolution, that was basically "Stop caring about friends this year. Be happy you have no friends" And I was super happy that year, just not worrying, and being embarrassed about it. I have since been diagnosed with BPD, and knowing that has made me more aware of my personal difficulties, so that has helped me understand myself better, Still no great friends though, but I still don't mind.

M&R7111 · June 2011

I am in the same boat. I've asked my sister in law, my female cousin, and FI's female cousin - but should have asked my guy friends. FI is a frat guy and has 1,000,000 guy friends he wants to ask.

At any rate, the BMs I do have are currently planning a bachelorette party for me and I just put a post on my month page about how I don't know who to invite - my friends are guys!

The advice i got - invite the guys

If you have guy friends, ask them to stand up with you.

Twztedcheerio · June 2011

My brothers are my Brothermaids. They are my best friends and also giving me away at my wedding. My father wasn't around growing up but my brothers were, being the best father figure for me. I am proud to have them up there with me. Girls are indeed way too complicated sometimes. I wanted to make sure that who I chose was someone I could call at 5am crying and not be turned away. My best friends are my family!
Don't let girls slow you down! find your best guy friend and ask if he would be comfortable doing this task for you! If he is your best friend...he will say yes!

Congrats and good luck!

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