Am I awful if we do not do a wedding party?

church1030 · January 2010

My fiance and I are getting married in June in a very intimate setting in VT. We are only going to have about 40 people. So all of the friends we are inviting are our closest friends. Thinking about a bridal party is stressing me out and I started to wonder if we could just bypass the tradtional wedding party and just ask our friends to help us out in certain areas that they have expertise in so that they will feel part of the big day, like doing my hair, helping with the invitations, etc. Does this make me a crazy/bad bride?

emilyinchile · January 2010

Not having a WP is totally fine. Asking friends and family to help is also fine, as long as you don't make them feel obliged to help and don't judge them for saying no.

But don't ask them so that they "feel included." If they help you out they're doing you a favor, you're not doing them a favor by asking!

church1030 · January 2010

Thank you. And my post didn't come out right, I don't want to ask people to work to feel included in the day. I just know that some of my friends are going to offer to help and I guess I was wondering if that is enough to accept their help and not ask them to be a bridesmaid. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I want all of my friends at teh wedding to feel special and know that I love them and appreciate them.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_am-amful-not-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d315467d-ed91-43f6-a538-758246983bbcPost:9c24eaca-681b-4726-b9ef-ef733c077a36">Re: Am I awful if we do not do a wedding party?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you. And my post didn't come out right, I don't want to ask people to work to feel included in the day. I just know that some of my friends are going to offer to help and I guess I was wondering if that is enough to accept their help and not ask them to be a bridesmaid. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I want all of my friends at teh wedding to feel special and know that I love them and appreciate them.
Posted by church1030[/QUOTE]

That is perfectly fine. Just be sure to write them a nice thank you note afterwards. Youc an accept help from whoever offers it, and it is not a crime to not have a wedding party. Just make sure you have 2 people designated as witnesses that can sign the marriage certificate.

mbcdefg · January 2010

Sure, if they offer and you want the help, accept it!

You can thank them and make them feel special by showing your sincere appreciation ... verbally tell them, write them a little note, maybe give them a small gift (wine, chocolates, gift card, DVD or book you know they'd like, any little something that shows that you put some thought into it).

A genuine thank you will probably mean more to them than a token one-day title.

kikipania · January 2010

I nixed the WP too. Too much hassle and drama for me.
I only have my one sister as MOH and he has his one bro for BM.

It's your wedding, do it how you want

NicoleJonee · January 2010

I also have been feeling really guilty for not having a wedding party. But my fiance and I are getting married in the Dominican Republic, and I cannot ask a wedding party to not only pay to fly across the country to attend our wedding, but also expect them to buy a dress or have to fork out any of the other expenses. He has one brother and I have one sister, and they are going to stand up with us.

roselyn81 · January 2010

I think it's perfectly fine not to have a bridal party. I agree with one of the posters...just don't put people to work. Nobody enjoys being an unnecessary attendant for a guest book. Let people enjoy themselves without having to do tasks that are meaningless.

labellavitaevents · January 2010

Doesn't make you a bad bride at all! Oftentimes, the WP is one of the most stressful part of a wedding with all of the personalities clashing, and having to agree, etc. Just remember it's YOUR special day, and you should do whatever will make you the happiest/least stressed. I'm sure any of your close friends would love to help you out in any way they can even without being a part of a WP. And especially with the small size of your wedding, I think that makes it even more special for more people to feel a real part of your big day.

Good luck and congrats!

felicia220 · January 2010

I am also not doing a bridal party, for me it was all or nothing. 10 people (on each side) or just MOH, BM, FG, RB. I am so happy with my decision. I know that I would have been stressed out to the max. I understand that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but if they can't understand why you made that decision then I don't think they are a true friend. When I told everyone that I wasn't having a WP, some people were upset but in the end they understood, got over it and some have even helped me with the planning. It will all work out. Definitely NOT a bad bride!

cellarius · January 2010

plenty of people don't have a wedding party i think it's totally fine & appropriate esp since you're having a very small ceremony.

HunnyBuddy · January 2010

More of the same here. You are NOT terrible if you don't have a wedding party. There is something very intimate and special about having just the two of you.

AND, you don't have the added stress of getting your girls to the bridal salon to get measured like I have. LOL!

Good luck and God bless!
Ashley

mrsb711 · January 2010

No, you are not awful. You are actually smart. Just read these boards - so much bridesmaid drama. Some of my friends were really hurt that I didn't asked them, and my mom was upset I didn't ask my cousins.

Sometimes I wish we had just asked my sister and FBIL to keep it simple.

msmoore2 · January 2010

Nope,not at all if he doesn't have a problem with it then go with it.Then your having a small intimate ceremony so dont bother.I'm sure they'll appreciate just bein apart by bein there helpin out.

Emmikins · January 2010

Just remember, it's your day! Do it how you want it, because in the end you will remember it the most vividly. I'm sure everyone invited will be happy just to be a part of your big day.

kellyw09 · January 2010

Not at all, I'm also not having a wedding party. We are having a small ceremony in March and I just didn't think it was necessary. It's your day so do what you want!

hilljolley · January 2010

I am thinking the same thing, just because we have a really small space and my good friends are all out of town, so it seems kind of pointless. If we do anything, we'll just have my sister and his brother.

Kristin789 · January 2010

We didn't.

FI walked out with the officiant, and I walked down the aisle by myself. I thought this was a very adult, very independent way to approach getting married: each of us of our own free will came together to be married.

My mother and FI's mother signed the wedding certificate as the witnesses. They seemed tickled by that...

AlmostSummer · January 2010

We didn't do a bridal party either. Not even a MOH or BM. Just the husband and I and our ministers. It was perfect.

I had several friends that I would have loved to have "stood up" with me, but when we started planning, one had just had a baby, one had just lost her job, and one just bought a house. I sat down with all of them and explained that I'd rather them be there and have fun than to view our day as a financial obligation (and possibly be resentful about it). All three of them were OVERJOYED, and had a wonderful time at the wedding. It is important to note though, that I've been friends with these people for a long time, so they weren't at all offended that I looked at it from a financial standpoint.... some people may have been, but not my girls.

So if you're going to do it, explain to your "chosen few" that you've decided not to have a bridal party, but make sure that they KNOW that they are still imporant to you even if they're NOT standing beside you when you say your vows. See if there is a way to include them. My sister did our reading, my best friend still came with me to the salon and we had a sleepover the night before. It was so much more relaxed than having everyone dealing with dresses, hair, nails, etc. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

As an added bonus, that allows for more time with just you and your husband with the photographer. We ended up with some AMAZING shots that we wouldn't have had time for if we had had to do bridal party shots, etc.

Good Luck!

amlaplante · January 2010

If picking people for you wedding party is what's stressing you out try just doing MOH and a bestman. I knew someone that wanted just a MOH, but her MOD was deathly afraid of being up in front of people. So instead she designated this women as her MOH, but she didn't get a specific colored dress or stand up front at the ceremony. She just acted out the duties of the MOH and sat in the front row at the ceremony and helped with the dress on her train as needed. It worked really well! Anyway it's your wedding and perfectly okay to not have a wedding party if that's what you want. Try to make as stress free as possible for yourself.

Am I awful if we do not do a wedding party?

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