So..we had to replace a GM

scurtis07 · June 2012

This situation sucks. beyond belief. It is only getting closer and closer to the wedding, and things just seem to pile up. One of our GM, who WAS dating a BM, has had to be replaced. He has been out of control lately, getting drunk at innapropriate times, even was arrested and his GF had no idea where he was for like 30 hours, until I called the sherrif's, found out he was in jail, and went and picked him up. (didn't pay his bail though)

So needless to say BM had had it, and she dumped him. She explained to us that if we still wanted him in the wedding, she would be fine with it. However, them breaking up was kind of the "thank goodness" moment and we felt free to release him from his duties. He wasn't making any effort to schedule a time to get measured for his suit, didn't ask about any wedding details, and wasn't sure about attending the bachelor party.

So luckily we have replaced him, but it still sucks. On a brighter side, FI's long time friend has been the one to step in, and it will be nice to have him in the pictures instead of an ex bf of my BM.

To top this wonderful event off, my dad called last night asking me to add two of his friends to the "list." Clearly he doesn't understand that "the list" is now a pile of professionally calligraphied envelopes and invitations waiting for stamps and to be mailed. AND that we have a strict limit of people to be invited! ugh.

rbwashington2012 · June 2012

Scurtis07, at least I am not the only one dealing with family and friends popping up last minute craziness on you. Its just nuts that you want to add something NOW after being asked repeatly over and over about it.

Since we hit the 3 month mark on last Friday, me and FI both learned a very powerful two word statement, HELL NO!!!!! We told FI father there will be no addtions to the list at this point. We REFUSE to add anyone else that we have no working knowledge about this late in the planning. Both my parents have said who all they wanted there and no one else has been added since we asked them back in January of this year.

I just had to replace my RB because my sister thought my youngest nephew (turns 11 in July) was too old to be one. So my best friend's 9 year old son will be the RB and he is excited about it. I think my nephew was thinking the RB duty was for babies so I will have him and his brother walk their great grandmother down the aisle.

CowgirlK39 · June 2012

My Fi is threatening to do the same thing to his best man, except his "replacement" would NOT be a good choice (a friend who has the tendancy to act like he's 15 and say/do really stupid stuff). I know, TK mantra says you should never replace people, but stuff like your story happens. I had a good friend offer to be a replacement BM if I continue to have such issues.

If your ex-GM still invited as a guest or is this a "get your sh*t together" moment?

mamameech · June 2012

that's unfortunate

It's really a shame that it all had to go down like that - i'm so sorry!

volleygurl0306 · June 2012

That is nice that it worked out. I am wishing I could replace one of my BM right now. I have a friend who has just been incredible to me over the past few months but I had already picked my BM and another friend who isn't there for me at all and I am realizing just isn't a good friend. However there has been anything drastic like this so I am glad it worked out for you. I'm half expecting my "bad" BM to not end up making it because our wedding is in another state from where she lives and she never has money.

I'd tell your dad (well all the parents really) that the guest list is closed. You are exactly right that it isn't a list anymore...it is a lot more concrete! Breathe and big hugs!

scurtis07 · June 2012

rbwashington, I have heard these kinds of stories from EVERYONE. It is crazy the people that come out of the woodworks to ask to be invited. I have NEVER once ASKED someone if I was invited to their wedding! Yet I have had at least 10 people ask me to my face if they are invited! And my father obviously didn't have much to do with planning his own wedding, given it was like 28 years ago...but still, like, six months ago I would have been able to move things around!!

I know TK has all these rules and regulations, but honestly this guy was a flight risk, and I don't want to have to worry about him that day. I feel weird when these sort of issues arrise, like, I know you are going through a break up and clearly this guy has a drinking problem, but what about my wedding?! lol. I feel bridezilla-ish.

He is no longer invited. Other than the GM's and his ex, and myself anf FI, he won't know anyone...so where would he sit...who would he talk to? We don't have much in common with him anymore, she was the last link and now that's gone. Luckily my BM has been gracious enough to be the person to tell him these things, but honestly I'm sure they are a relief to him, and that he could care less. I have no hard feelings to be truthful. He clearly has other priorities, and now that he isn't driving my friend insane, we are good. I will still smile and wave to him and send him birthday cards, but that's probably it.

scurtis07 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_sowe-had-to-replace-a-gm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:fe23b27f-63fb-4837-b9fa-15ad34cf63e7Post:ca7f1eef-3c31-4e5d-86e0-6d499c29b1e5">Re: So..we had to replace a GM</a>:
[QUOTE]That is nice that it worked out. I am wishing I could replace one of my BM right now. I have a friend who has just been incredible to me over the past few months but I had already picked my BM and another friend who isn't there for me at all and I am realizing just isn't a good friend. However there has been anything drastic like this so I am glad it worked out for you. I'm half expecting my "bad" BM to not end up making it because our wedding is in another state from where she lives and she never has money. I'd tell your dad (well all the parents really) that the guest list is closed. You are exactly right that it isn't a list anymore...it is a lot more concrete! Breathe and big hugs!
Posted by volleygurl0306[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Thanks girl! I have a bridesmaid who has money/motivational issues as well. I actually had to pay for her dress, because she just didn't have the money when it came time for everyone to order and get measured. She waited two weeks after everyone had gone on their own to do it to tell me she couldn't. So fine, I paid, and she said she'd pay me back...here we are three months later with no sign of her even remembering to pay me..</div><div>
</div><div>My other BM's were pretty pissed about this too. Not that they expect me to pay for them, but they went through the effort of perhaps saving for a month to buy the dress. Which BTW, the dress is $140, not "cheap" in my mind, but in no way outrageous. So now the bachelorette party is coming up, and the BM's have laid down the law, if she doesn't have the money, then she isn't going, and I agree. I want her there, but not enough to pay for her! All they say is that they need to show up and buy the dress. I am hoping she shows up at this point. :/

</div>

ErinW1912 · June 2012

Yeah I had to replace a BM b/c my brother and his g/f broke up. I replaced her with a freind and co worker. My brother thought since his g/f was out that he was as well which I did not find out till last week when I texted and asked if he had gotten measured yet.

The guest list is driving me nuts. We sent out save the dates in Feb and asked for everyone's list. we decided since we could have 125 ppl to send 150 invites. Which meant that each family would get 75 ppl and we gave the parents each 50ppl and us 25ppl each. We ended up with 160 total. Then last week 10 more ppl got added from FI side. I am now at 170 not happy-alot of FI will probably say no but still the venue includes 125 so we are looking for 45 no's which I think is possible but I am not positive. So now when I go home this weekend I have to give my parents aheads up just incase since they are the one's paying for the wedding. I feel like FI family has had to pay for RD only never for a wedding and do not understand how much adding ppl last min is going to cost us. We are sending out invites tommorow so no more ppl can/will be added.

AshnRobo · June 2012

I would just tell your dad no, sorry it isn't possible at this late point.

As far as a GM, I don't understand the thought process behind "replacing" someone. I think it is more insulting to ask someone to step in. It's like saying you're almost good enough, but let's see if someone else sucks more than you...

QueerFemme · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_sowe-had-to-replace-a-gm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:fe23b27f-63fb-4837-b9fa-15ad34cf63e7Post:34750ab1-af5b-4969-8157-d148460e5bea">Re: So..we had to replace a GM</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just tell your dad no, sorry it isn't possible at this late point. As far as a GM, I don't understand the thought process behind "replacing" someone. I think it is more insulting to ask someone to step in. It's like saying you're almost good enough, but let's see if someone else sucks more than you...
Posted by AshnRobo[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. Stuff happens and people have to drop out because of random events like this, but I'd much rather be down one GM or BM and have uneven sides than ask someone to step in when my original choice screwed up somehow. I'm not sure how you replace someone without offending the person you are now asking at the last minute.

SCogs18 · June 2012

OMG girl I feel your pain!! We have a couple friend that just broke up and it was nasty. He WAS a GM and she was a guest. She cheated on him, which is wrong, but then he lost his mind. He said he would not associate with anyone who supported her in any way, told us he was out of the wedding "because she will be there" and to "have a nice life." He then alternated in telling her that he loved her/wanting her back, trashing the new guy, and since they lived together at the time of the break up......THROWING ALL HER POSSESSIONS, INCLUDING FURNITURE, OFF THEIR BALCONY. He went absolutely bat sh!t crazy! Then, after not hearing from him in 3 weeks he texts FI that he is sorry and needs a support system. Not happening. FI's little 13 year old half-bro who was an usher will not be a groomsman. He is a little young to realize he is a replacement and is thrilled.

CowgirlK39 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_sowe-had-to-replace-a-gm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:fe23b27f-63fb-4837-b9fa-15ad34cf63e7Post:34750ab1-af5b-4969-8157-d148460e5bea">Re: So..we had to replace a GM</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just tell your dad no, sorry it isn't possible at this late point. As far as a GM, I don't understand the thought process behind "replacing" someone. I think it is more insulting to ask someone to step in. It's like saying you're almost good enough, but let's see if someone else sucks more than you...
Posted by AshnRobo[/QUOTE]

Maybe it's because I'm not that easily offended, but I wouldn't be upset if a bride said she needed me to stand in for someone. I'd be thrilled that she had asked me, and as a friend i would help her out. Now, if this was a person I was not close with and she asked me, I would be a little confused... but if it was any of my close friends, I would have no problem with it. I think people are too easily offended about stuff these days, though.

scurtis07 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_sowe-had-to-replace-a-gm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:fe23b27f-63fb-4837-b9fa-15ad34cf63e7Post:34750ab1-af5b-4969-8157-d148460e5bea">Re: So..we had to replace a GM</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just tell your dad no, sorry it isn't possible at this late point. As far as a GM, I don't understand the thought process behind "replacing" someone. I think it is more insulting to ask someone to step in. It's like saying you're almost good enough, but let's see if someone else sucks more than you...
Posted by AshnRobo[/QUOTE]

This was a concern of ours, luckily its GM instead of BM, so the guys aren't as sensitive. But I told FI to just blame it on me. I do want even numbers and since I had a direct 5 girls, we made the cut off at 5 GM as well. FI and the "replacement" are pretty close, he is attending the bachelor party and was obviously a guest. He was grateful to be included, so yes it MAY have been offenssive/insulting, but it didn't go down that way thank goodness.

Sosteadilygo · June 2012

Scurtis I am kind of offended by what you said. You really wouldn't want one of your BMs to be at your bachelorette party because of money? Really? My MOH is in a tough financial situation, but I did not ask her to be apart of our wedding because of money. I paid for her dress, shoes, and everything else for the wedding. I love her so much I couldn't imagine asking anyone else. Also, you never 'replace' someone. That's like telling someone they were never good enough in the first place. I think this whole wedding thing has gone to your head. Think about the actual people you are talking about, not 'having equal numbers'.

So..we had to replace a GM

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