Just Engaged and Proposals

Prenup?

We've been talking about having a prenup.  Basically I make a much higher salary, we both own real estate, but he has a lot more of it, and we've agreed to a 50/50 split of everything should the marriage fail.  We have two family friends going through miserable divorces, both of whom will likely just end up with 50/50 anyway, minus a third of their money going to lawyers.  The thought is we'd pre-empt any of that lawyering if anything went wrong.

We're both comfortable with this, but it keeps bugging us both- is signing a prenup preparing to fail?  Or is it good because we both know neither would benefit from a divorce?  We're planning on doing it at the same time as the change in wills and trusts so that it's part of the legal work involved in getting married.  Thoughts?

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Re: Prenup?

  • I think prenups are a great idea- preparing for the possibility of failure, or at least recognizing it, is good and healthy and not the same as preparing to fail.  FI and I have been talking about one too.

    But I make my FI sign promissory notes when he owes me money (we haven't combined finances yet), so I may be crazy.  :)

  • It is not preparing to fail. Instead it is just acknowledging that you live in real world and not in a fairy tale.

    A prenup is preparing to fail like a will is a suicide note.

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  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2012

    I look at prenups the same way I look at car insurance. No, I don't plan on getting in a car wreck but you never know so I might as well be covered just in case.

    To me, they are practical. Marriage is about a lot more than love.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_prenup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:8f751419-3400-4554-a0bf-f7c3e4c6bdffPost:153e6214-cdd9-4eae-9a4c-8cbb23297142">Re: Prenup?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is not preparing to fail. Instead it is just acknowledging that you live in real world and not in a fairy tale. <strong>A prenup is preparing to fail like a will is a suicide note.</strong>
    Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]
    Love this!

    OP, you're simply being realistic, there's nothing wrong with that. If I had assets to protect, I would do the same. Going into a marriage without considering the possibility of divorce is naive.
  • I love your quote!  "A prenup is preparing to fail like a will is a suicide note."  That's amazing.  :)  Thanks gals- I appreciate it!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_prenup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:8f751419-3400-4554-a0bf-f7c3e4c6bdffPost:153e6214-cdd9-4eae-9a4c-8cbb23297142">Re: Prenup?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is not preparing to fail. Instead it is just acknowledging that you live in real world and not in a fairy tale. A prenup is preparing to fail like a will is a suicide note.
    Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]




    This perfect analogy .... Fi & I have discussed this an as long as we both agree that's all that matters.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_prenup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:8f751419-3400-4554-a0bf-f7c3e4c6bdffPost:153e6214-cdd9-4eae-9a4c-8cbb23297142">Re: Prenup?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is not preparing to fail. Instead it is just acknowledging that you live in real world and not in a fairy tale. A prenup is preparing to fail like a will is a suicide note.
    Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.</div>
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  • Maybe I'm naive (this is likely!) by my FI and I agreed to NOT have a prenup because neither one of us believes in divorce. It's simply not an option, so a prenup isn't necessary.

    Those are just OUR beliefs for ourselves. We know that not everyone needs to nor should prescribe to this same belief system.

    For us, a pre-nup would be like buying car insurance when we're preparing to walk to our destination. =)
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    "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are." -John Wooden
  • I agree with BookButterfly... I don't believe in divorce, so naturally, I don't believe in prenups. If you are going into a marriage with the thought of perhaps it not working out... then maybe you should rethink things a little bit.
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  • Not doing a prenup, but I agree with with what earlier posts had to say. Its good to protect yourself and if you both agree to it, there is nothing bad about doing it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_prenup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:8f751419-3400-4554-a0bf-f7c3e4c6bdffPost:c11e24a2-54aa-4e1e-af50-b506534a37dc">Re: Prenup?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with BookButterfly... I don't believe in divorce, so naturally, I don't believe in prenups. If you are going into a marriage with the thought of perhaps it not working out... then maybe you should rethink things a little bit.
    Posted by rebeccalynn92[/QUOTE]



    Divorce isn't a unicorn. That statement is so naive.

    And many of the people that get divorced "dont believe" in it either. So even if you dont believe you could get divorced. It only takes one person to file and people change.

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    Married 9/15/11

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  • A marriage is for a lifetime. It's not just to "see if things will work out". You should go into this marriage completely sure that this man is the one for you. No one is perfect, and arguments will happen... but divorce is not the solution. Things can be talked out, if necessary , going to a counselor is an option.. but divorce? in my opinion... no.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_prenup?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:8f751419-3400-4554-a0bf-f7c3e4c6bdffPost:6e83525c-8224-4a65-83ae-28d3ec93b7f7">Re: Prenup?</a>:
    [QUOTE]A marriage is for a lifetime. It's not just to "see if things will work out". You should go into this marriage completely sure that this man is the one for you. No one is perfect, and arguments will happen... but divorce is not the solution. Things can be talked out, if necessary , going to a counselor is an option.. but divorce? in my opinion... no.
    Posted by rebeccalynn92[/QUOTE]

    No one ever plans to get divorced. I really want to know how old the people are who say things like this. Because in the USA divorce is an option...as in you can not prevent your spouse from divorcing you (if they want to).

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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  • I was thinking about a pre-nup as well, FI said he is fine with that also. Thanks for the good ideas ladies...Best of luck to you all!
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  • I see nothing wrong with it. You never know what may happen, and just because you don't believe in it, doesn't mean it won't happen to you. OP, I think it's definitely okay in your situation where you both have money, real estate, etc. You are being smart.
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  • My FI brought this up and my romantic side is offended and my practical side is seeing the logic in it.  This will be my second marriage, and I went into my first naively thinking things would last forever- until I was forced to sign divorce papers.  I have a lot of student loan debt and this would protect him from that and we both own real estate.  I've heard this is also a good option to protect the finances from previous spouses and alimony  (though that is not the situation with me). 
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