Money rant

sarahaleen · August 2012

So my fi is sucking at putting aside money for the wedding. We are paying for it all ourselves and it's gonna be about 24k. I've put about 10k in our wedding account and he's put about 2500. He keeps saying that he has to buy my band and I should take into account how much he spent on my engagement ring. Ok, understood, but he wants to spend 600 on his 30th bday party next month and said if we cut down on Christmas spending this year he isn't putting up a tree. He also said if I want more money I should sell my motorcycle. I really want to beat him right now! Anyone else's fi's not comprehending the cost of their wedding?

PJBHL5 · August 2012

We went through a brief period of that.. although it wasn't my fiancee being indignant about saving, i think he really just hadn't st down and done the math (overall cost / months left to plan = how many we should be saving per month). Once we did the math and i expressed my concern, he quickly stepped it up and has been amazing ever since. Now he often sees us making big checkmarks and says "Ugh, I wish i'd been doing this all along".

I can't imagine spending $600 on a birthday when you have a wedding less than a year away. Maybe that's just me, but eek. It'd be one thing if coming up with the money for the wedding was NBD, but if you're taking $600 that could go towards the wedding to put it towards a birthday, that's a big chunk!

sarahaleen · August 2012

I know, I keep thinking that could pay for my bridesmaids bouquets!!!

FLGatorGal88 · August 2012

I know how you feel FI has his prized possession which is his truck and heaven forbid I say that could go towards this for the wedding and I get a dirty look or a comment but now he is actually doing somewhat better now that he realizes what all has to be paid. What worked for me was showing him all of the cost on paper. $600 dollars for his bday?!?! wow that is a lot when you are paying for a wedding less than a year away. We already made the agreement we are not doing huge Christmas or Birthday gifts due to the wedding.

TogetherPerfect · August 2012

We haven't really had the issue of him not contributing on purpose... FI was out of a job for two months so I was obviously the only one saving then. But now he has a job where he is getting almost double was he was getting before, so he's trying to get back in savings mode. He's not very good with money, so I have to do both his and my own budget, but I think it's easier that way... I'm just glad he doesn't argue about it! lol

turtleslove · August 2012

FI actually is trying to sell his snowmobile. He gets a 4 wheeler out of it, but the other half of the money goes to paying wedding expenses. And he is putting his tax refunds towards it. So yes, he sucks at saving but he does know he has to contribute.

turtleslove · August 2012

I do have to add that the big wedding was FI idea, I offered him to elope.. So he is on board with the money we are spending.

PJBHL5 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_money-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:539252c1-13c9-4bce-b887-d6a5322729c4Post:d854ba14-10cf-40c6-bfb9-fae9a2d79829">Re:Money rant</a>:
[QUOTE]I know, I keep thinking that could pay for my bridesmaids bouquets!!!
Posted by sarahaleen[/QUOTE]

You think so much like me. FI doesn't think that way, but he's learning to.
He's like "I've ot 50$, lets go out to dinner"
I said "You realize that would pay for half of our china rental, right?"

Oh we are going to float the river one weekend. IT's going to be $400. I said "That's our ENTIRE florist contract". LOL
I think sometimes it irks him, but he also gets it, and once he's got that perspective of what it can pay, he is on board.

I'm WAY more frugal than him. I lived for 1.5 years on nothing but $700 a month in child support (including all apartment bills, etc) and whatever I could make on the side making things for people. He, on the other hand, just got back from Afghanistan where he got combat pay and was non-taxed. He felt rich and I knew what it was like to be dirt poor (by choice, of course, but still) so sometimes he needs me to rattle his cage a bit ;)

Danny&Mel2003 · August 2012

600 on birthday is insane regardless of wedding coming up!!! That would pay for my florist for entire bridal party. I'd be talking to Fi but that is me his priority needs to be helping with the wedding if he can afford 600 party for himself. Again that is how I would approach it.

sarahaleen · August 2012

I think his main problem is he just thinks we have all the time in the world. I put money in the account every time I get paid, he puts in money when I nag him. There's going to be a point where I'm like hey, I put in my half where's your 12k? I know hes putting money in his own savings account, and he has more than enough in there to pay for the whole wedding. But he says that money is for emergencies. He's gonna handle the finances once we get married. I can't wait to just let him deal with all the money!

MamaBear904 · August 2012

I agree that he is probably thinking there's plenty of time. Also, I have to sometimes remind FI that this is an event that we cannot repeat. So whenever he wants to splurge on something I usually reply with "sure... after the wedding".

SSaltzman87 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_money-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:539252c1-13c9-4bce-b887-d6a5322729c4Post:ec8786fc-b370-4241-bf8a-9f517a2f348c">Re: Money rant</a>:
[QUOTE] Also, I have to sometimes remind FI that this is an event that we cannot repeat. So whenever he wants to splurge on something I usually reply with "sure... after the wedding".
Posted by MamaBear904[/QUOTE]
This is an excellent point. <div>
</div><div>I too agree that $600 is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on a birthday no matter if you're planning for a wedding or not. I also agree with the others on really laying it out and letting him know how much things cost.</div>

StefffiC · August 2012

I imagine we'll spend a few hundred dollars on my birthday this year. It's my thirtieth and I want to party, with my friends. Or, we may go to California to meet my side of the family.

We only get married once. And, we only turn 30/40/50 once as well.

Is this at least a big birthday for him?

sarahaleen · August 2012

SteffiC it's his 30th. I know it's a big one and if he wa contributing as much as I am I wouldn't be worried about it because we would almost have the wedding paid for.

bwilso5 · August 2012

I'm having the same situation. All of the money in the wedding account has come from me. I'm supposed to pay him 150 for rent but every month I put that straight into the account. He thinks that he's still depositing that bc it would have gone to him. He pays more in bills than I do but I know he can handle depositing some of his own money every month.

melb2013 · August 2012

Not to be harsh, but he's being really childish. I'm assuming you both came up with that 24K number? And you decided to both contribute? I think he needs to realize that this wedding isn't just about what you want, it's about BOTH of you so BOTH of you need to contribute money. And I'd also remind him that all that money isn't due the week before the wedding- you need a good chunk just to book vendors.

StefffiC · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_money-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:539252c1-13c9-4bce-b887-d6a5322729c4Post:6fb5c401-faf8-430d-8844-8d88514a1746">Re:Money rant</a>:
[QUOTE]SteffiC it's his 30th. I know it's a big one and if he wa contributing as much as I am I wouldn't be worried about it because we would almost have the wedding paid for.
Posted by sarahaleen[/QUOTE]

Maybe he's not really comfortable with spending that much money on the wedding? Or maybe he thinks you have until the wedding to save?

It sound petty to be worried over a few hundred dollars to celebrate a big birthday, even though you have a wedding coming up.

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