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Female Officiant

MsAmeera25MsAmeera25 member
Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments Name Dropper
in African American Weddings
These past few days i've been crazy busy. We had our cake tasting and decided on a flavor and filling, I bought my dress and jewelry for the wedding, FI and I had our first marriage counseling session and also booked our officiant...

So now my question is this....our counseling is being done by the officiate and they are a husband and wife team, they usually both or one can perform the ceremony...

FI and I talked and he wants them both to perform the ceremony BUT for some reason, I never imagined a woman marrying me....

Is this weird. I actually only want the husband to officiate the ceremony....

I have no justification of why I just do....

So what do you ladies think about it? My FI thinks i'm being crazy...

 

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Re: Female Officiant

  • tyboydtyboyd member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I feel the same way. No reason, either. I just kinna look crazy when I see women officiating. Idk why. Oh well. :-/

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  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I dont think it matters, if the person is good enough to counsel you on marriage they should be good enough to marry you. Maybe it throws off your vision. if so kick her out lol
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  • brittanyjterrellbrittanyjterrell
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Ohhhh.. I'm the exact opposite. I would have LOVED a female officiant! But my husband calls me a feminist anyway LMAO! Go women! Whoo hoo!

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  • teamUS2012teamUS2012
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    NO female officiants for me. Not happ'nin.
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  • hmacsinehmacsine
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I have a female officiant. I don't care whether the person was male/female though. The price for the service and their professionalism was more important to me.
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  • Ksk2012Ksk2012
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    So I am considering having a female do ours. But I haven't fully researched the pastor at my church. I attend a very diverse church, which I like, but the main pastor is not Black and the one guy who is, I am not sure if he will marry us ( don't know if he does it).

    I do have a long time family friend who is female who is a pastor that already said she would do it but I just haven't pulled the trigger. When I see wedding photos and it is a woman I think, How Cool!! But I am not sure it is for me. Plus my mom is always saying she couldn't go to church where the woman was head pastor. I ask why and she cant really give me a reason. So Maybe for me, it is just my environmental influence!

    But, I do know I don't want two people officiating. That just seems like too much
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  • alpresberryalpresberry
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_female-officiant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:41620eb8-4224-48c4-97e0-010187110397Post:31a47d12-b7de-4b08-9f04-39b754c0a162">Re: Female Officiant</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I am considering having a female do ours. But I haven't fully researched the pastor at my church. I attend a very diverse church, which I like, but the main pastor is not Black and the one guy who is, I am not sure if he will marry us ( don't know if he does it). I do have a long time family friend who is female who is a pastor that already said she would do it but I just haven't pulled the trigger. When I see wedding photos and it is a woman I think, How Cool!! But I am not sure it is for me. Plus my mom is always saying she couldn't go to church where the woman was head pastor. I ask why and she cant really give me a reason. So Maybe for me, it is just my environmental influence! But, I<strong> do know I don't want two people officiating. That just seems like too much
    </strong>Posted by Ksk2012[/QUOTE]

    I agree.  I was in limbo for a while as well, but we decided last week on the male pastor and have our first counseling session Thursday.  I also envisioned a man marrying me and I'm not sure why.  For some reason, a male pastor commands a different kind of respect, maybe its the strong black man thing...not sure. At our last church, the pastor was female and it was quite a different experience. We ending up leaving for a variety of reasons, but some of it was catty woman type things.  In the end, go with what makes you and FI feel most comfortable.    
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  • SweetgnjSweetgnj member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm going to have a female officiant.  I don't care one way or the other and neither does my FI.  My mom actually got the pastor of my late grandmothers church to marry us and she's also currently counseling us.
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  • MrsJenretteMrsJenrette
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    It really doesn't matter to me.. I've seen it done both ways. My Pastor and his wife (who is the Co-Pastor) are counseling my FI and I, but my Pastor is the officiant. If he couldn't do it I would automatically choose my Co-Pastor.

    They are family (my sis married thier son), and my family has known them for over 14 years.. they've watched me grow up, and love my FI...so it would be natural for me either way.

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  • BluIvory82BluIvory82
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We have a female officiant. Originally, I wanted a male until we met with Charis. She's awesome and she has so much energy so we decided to book her.
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  • teamUS2012teamUS2012
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Although I'm being married by a male officiant (a very sentimental selection for me), I love the idea of being married by a couple.

    In selecting an officiant, what was extremely important to me was to have a man that had some sort of connection to one or both of us, who is married and has some years under his belt in his marriage. I also wanted a Godly man and one that I knew lived holy and had a happy marriage. I believe in the power of spoken words and I wanted our marital blessings to be pronounced by someone who I could trust to really intercede on our behalf for the blessings of the Lord upon our marriage. My decision was very easy and I was glad that my FI was fine with it. The man who is marrying us was my father's best friend, he married my parents and he eulogized my father. He and his wife have known me (and my family) since I was born. And he's extremely charismatic and full of personality. He had us cracking up at my father's funeral years ago.

    I really do like the idea of being married by a couple, though. In fact, when we do our vow renewal next year, I really may ask a couple I know to officiate. I like the idea of being strengthened by a happily married couple and having them there to conduct our ceremony.
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  • mikimoto6mikimoto6
    500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My Congresswoman officiated our wedding and she did a lovely job. I used to work for her so she knows the two of us very well. I was working for her when I met DH so she had an opportunity to watch our relationship grow, thus it was very fitting that she officiate our ceremony, especially since neither of us have strong religious ties at the moment.  

    I have been to hundreds of weddings and there is NO difference other than gender about the quality of a male vs. a female officiant.  If the person is ordained or otherwise qualified to officiate their gender doesn't impede their ability to do so or make your marriage ceremony any less sacred. 

    Are we really having this conversation in 2011?  I only ask because if someone expressed a preference for a man over you in your respective professions I am sure that would not sit well with you.  I think the same applies in this scenario.  If we as women still have this level of gender bias, how do we expect to raise the next generation of children to not have the same thought pattern?  
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  • MsAmeera25MsAmeera25 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_female-officiant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:41620eb8-4224-48c4-97e0-010187110397Post:977e687c-0c57-4782-b618-29ae2635b2b0">Re: Female Officiant</a>:
    [QUOTE]My Congresswoman officiated our wedding and she did a lovely job. I used to work for her so she knows the two of us very well. I was working for her when I met DH so she had an opportunity to watch our relationship grow, thus it was very fitting that she officiate our ceremony, especially since neither of us have strong religious ties at the moment.   I have been to hundreds of weddings and there is NO difference other than gender about the quality of a male vs. a female officiant.  If the person is ordained or otherwise qualified to officiate their gender doesn't impede their ability to do so or make your marriage ceremony any less sacred.  Are we really having this conversation in 2011?  I only ask because if someone expressed a preference for a man over you in your respective professions I am sure that would not sit well with you.  I think the same applies in this scenario.  If we as women still have this level of gender bias, how do we expect to raise the next generation of children to not have the same thought pattern?  
    Posted by mikimoto6[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>For some reason I never considered it a form of gender bias...perhaps it is but I really don't feel that way. You definitely gave me something to think about

    </div>

     

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  • teamUS2012teamUS2012
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't think it's gender bias at all. I think it's more related to personal preference.

    I suppose there are some women/men whose decision would be based on a bias one way or the other, but it's not that definitive. Mine is more of a spiritual decision than a biased one, but really, it's just a matter of personal preference for me.
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  • alpresberryalpresberry
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_female-officiant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:41620eb8-4224-48c4-97e0-010187110397Post:98bd3f73-ec99-4a99-a0c2-06e59dd37919">Re: Female Officiant</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I don't think it's gender bias at all. I think it's more related to personal preference.</strong> I suppose there are some women/men whose decision would be based on a bias one way or the other, but it's not that definitive. Mine is more of a spiritual decision than a biased one, but really, it's just a matter of personal preference for me.
    Posted by teamUS2012[/QUOTE]

    I agree. No gender bias here.  I prefer female doctors, but not because I think male doctors are incompetent or I'm biased, but because that's just my preference. 
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  • nicknuttncnicknuttnc member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have seen this post and have thought over it. I do not know if I should comment on this topic. I have erased my post five times. I really am so passionate on many subjects and equality of gender roles. So I have put my opinions beside and have this to say.
    I think you should do what you feel the most comfortable with because this is your wedding. You have a vision of your day and how you see it.
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  • runningbride80runningbride80
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_female-officiant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:41620eb8-4224-48c4-97e0-010187110397Post:977e687c-0c57-4782-b618-29ae2635b2b0">Re: Female Officiant</a>:
    [QUOTE]My Congresswoman officiated our wedding and she did a lovely job. I used to work for her so she knows the two of us very well. I was working for her when I met DH so she had an opportunity to watch our relationship grow, thus it was very fitting that she officiate our ceremony, especially since neither of us have strong religious ties at the moment.   I have been to hundreds of weddings and there is NO difference other than gender about the quality of a male vs. a female officiant.  If the person is ordained or otherwise qualified to officiate their gender doesn't impede their ability to do so or make your marriage ceremony any less sacred.  Are we really having this conversation in 2011?  I only ask because if someone expressed a preference for a man over you in your respective professions I am sure that would not sit well with you.  I think the same applies in this scenario.  If we as women still have this level of gender bias, how do we expect to raise the next generation of children to not have the same thought pattern?  
    Posted by mikimoto6[/QUOTE]

    All of this. A thousand times over.

    The planning company we are using is a husband and wife team, and in all the pictures I've seen, the wiife officiates the ceremony. Personally, I don't give a rat's rear who our officiant is as long as we end up married and it's legal.

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