Sister or Good Friend?

missowens · June 2010

Well I thought I had decided who my MOH would be, but now I'm wondering. I intended on having my sister, who is really like my best friend, however her life is already busy. She has children and is in the process of going back to school and lives out of town. I'm concerned about how much free time/resources she will have to be involved in the planning and so forth. On the other hand I've thought about having my good friend, who is a little more resourceful and lives in town, as the MOH. However I know my sister is expecting to be the MOH, and would be as supportive as she could be, like always. Soooo any suggestions or thoughts????

colsta · June 2010

I never get to be the first person to say this, but you will hear this a lot. The MOH/BM's only job is to show up at your wedding in the appropriate attire. Everything else is just gravy. You should pick the person you are closest to (sounds like your sister). If that is still difficult and you are very close to both of them, it is okay to have 2 MOHs.

waltzingmatilda13 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sister-good-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:be120aab-c00f-441f-8ccf-e0eb434a2957Post:878f021b-6a27-489e-b09d-550163d5109e">Sister or Good Friend?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well I thought I had decided who my MOH would be, but now I'm wondering. I intended on having my sister, who is really like my best friend, however her life is already busy. She has children and is in the process of going back to school and lives out of town. I'm concerned about how much free time/resources she will have to be involved in the planning and so forth. On the other hand I've thought about having my good friend, who is a little more resourceful and lives in town, as the MOH. However I know my sister is expecting to be the MOH, and would be as supportive as she could be, like always. Soooo any suggestions or thoughts????
Posted by missowens[/QUOTE]

You should pick the person you are closest to, as being a BM only involves buying a dress and showing up at the wedding. If they so choose to help in the planning of your wedding that is their choice, but they are not required to help at all. It's your wedding to plan, not theirs.

Or you could have 2 MOHs. Are either ladies married? You could have a Matron of Honor and a Maid of Honor (or 2 of each) if they both mean that much to you.

Kristin&eric · June 2010

yes i agree to both PP's!!!!!!!!!!!

526SadieSadie · June 2010

I agree that the only thing the BM's need to to is wear a pretty dress and smile for the camera. It's fantastic if your maids want to help you do things, but it's not mandatory.
If you think you're going to hurt your sister's feelings or your friend's, the truly diplomatic way to go is to have two bridesmaids, no MOH, or two M'sOH.

vanessa7889 · June 2010

I'm just wondering why you picked so early? You still have a year til your wedding. What exactly are you expecting them to help with this early?

Jen72682 · June 2010

I am having co-maids of honor. This way it helps spread out the responsibility and I don't have to choose between people!

waltzingmatilda13 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sister-good-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:be120aab-c00f-441f-8ccf-e0eb434a2957Post:e698431d-decc-4383-85cd-4feaddb3a26b">Re: Sister or Good Friend?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having co-maids of honor. This way <strong>it helps spread out the responsibility</strong> and I don't have to choose between people!
Posted by Jen72682[/QUOTE]

What responsibility? Making sure they each show up on your wedding day?

trix1223 · June 2010

I'm going to give you a break, because you're new. My first piece of advice: if your bio is correct, your wedding is about a year away. So wait about 4 months to ask anyone.

Second piece of advice: Put down the wedding magazines. Turn off the wedding tv shows. Stop reading lists of WP "duties" on wedding websites. Take the wedding planning books back to Barnes and Noble. Because they're just trying to get you to buy "stuff" that their advertisers sell.

Here's the reality: the "duties" of a member of the WP start and end with the ceremony. That's it. Lock, stock, and barrel. They wear the attire, walk down the aisle, stand respectfully during the ceremony, and smile for pictures. Done and done.

Here's what they DON'T have to do: help plan and/or execute your wedding. That includes: They DON'T have to go on venue visits, go to tastings, or help pick our wedding cake. They DON'T have to go bridal gown shopping . They DON'T have to make, order, address, or stuff invitations or STDs.

They DON'T have to make favors, CPs, or OOT bags. They DON'T have to help decorate the venue, deliver OOT bags, chauffeur guests around. They DON'T have to plan, throw, or even attend pre-wedding parties, including e-parties, showers, and/or b-parties.

The DON'T have to research vendors or help plan honeymoons. They don't have to provide "emotional support" (which should be the responsibility of your FI).

Lower your expectations of what a WP is all about. You'll be happier. So will your friends.

My last piece of advice: Print out the following words: "NO ONE WILL BE AS EXCITED ABOUT MY WEDDING AS I WILL." Because it's true. it will also keep you on a smooth path.

GL

loop0406 · June 2010

I don't agree 100% with trix1223........I think the maid of honor isn't required to stuff invites, plan parties, etc but come on...? Every bride wants someone who is hands-on about it and I feel that the person who is there to support, stuff envelopes, help with decorations, etc for you should be picked. You will feel bad if the person you pick isn't available to do any of those things for you. And I understand noone will be as excited as you but the MOH should show some ethusiasm

MuchkinsRCool · June 2010

I am having a two maid of honors. My sister and my bestfriend who has been apart of my life for 12 yrs. With your bestfriend living in town you will get the hands on support you when whenever you need it and with your sister you will get what she can give. My sister has two babies, not a lot of resources and no car so she is not able to do as much for me but being that she is my sister i keep her where i wanted her.

trix1223 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sister-good-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:be120aab-c00f-441f-8ccf-e0eb434a2957Post:142b698e-dc5c-4967-9657-e74c2d05151b">Re: Sister or Good Friend?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't agree 100% with trix1223........I think the maid of honor isn't required to stuff invites, plan parties, etc but come on...? Every bride wants someone who is hands-on about it and I feel that the person who is there to support, stuff envelopes, help with decorations, etc for you should be picked. You will feel bad if the person you pick isn't available to do any of those things for you. And I understand noone will be as excited as you but the MOH should show some ethusiasm
Posted by loop0406[/QUOTE]

Back when I was married, a WP literally did just show up on wedding day. And I had a wonderful wedding, and am, almost 32 years later, still very happily married.

4 years ago, my DIL's WP didn't help with anything. She and my son planned and executed their wedding. And it was beautiful and they were very happy. And they're still happily married 4 years later.

a year ago, DD was married. With a WP everywhere BUT local, she and her DH with help from me, planned and executed her wedding.

In all 3 cases, each bride stuffed her own envelopes, made their own decorations, and found the "support" she needed from the person who she should have looking toward for support: her FI.

And here's the best part: there wasn't WP drama before, during, or after the wedding.

kelmal · June 2010

I couldn't choose between my older sister and my best-friend (and my fiancee couldn't decide between his bro and his best-friend) so I opted to have 2 MOHs to join his 2 Best Men.

BettyMae813 · June 2010

I think you should choose your sister! Your sister will be your sister for life and it will probably be very special for her to stand with you. Even if she does not have a lot of time in her every day life to spend with you on planning the wedding, she will support you in spirit and I am sure she will be happy to chat with you and give opinions and guidance when you really need help!

cschuma2 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_sister-good-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:be120aab-c00f-441f-8ccf-e0eb434a2957Post:142b698e-dc5c-4967-9657-e74c2d05151b">Re: Sister or Good Friend?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't agree 100% with trix1223........I think the maid of honor isn't required to stuff invites, plan parties, etc but come on...? Every bride wants someone who is hands-on about it and I feel that the person who is there to support, stuff envelopes, help with decorations, etc for you should be picked. You will feel bad if the person you pick isn't available to do any of those things for you. And I understand noone will be as excited as you but the MOH should show some ethusiasm
Posted by loop0406[/QUOTE]

My bridal party did ZERO planning and it was fine. My aunt hosted a shower. I did not have a bachelorette party. My ladies showed up at David's Bridal to pick out the dress of their choosing, they came to the rehersal dinner, and they showed up for the wedding. That was all I wanted of them. I would never have asked them to come help me stuff envelopes or help with decor. I think that you are wrong to expect otherwise.

MyWedding13 · June 2010

Can you have both? My finance and I are having two best men (his two brothers) and two maids of honor (my sister and my best friend)

miah_23_ncb · June 2010

I would say go w/ your sister. Just becasue it sounds like you guys sre closer. but like thaty already said you could have both.

lmansir10 · June 2010

It sounded like you really want your sister to be the MOH. Obviously you can have 2 MOH's like many peope suggested BUT you could always have your friend help w/ things too. Just b/c someones MOH doesn't mean other friends can't help with things too.

allurea · June 2010

My MOH lives in a different country, I just want her to be there on the day I get married, and be a part of my pictures that I plan to keep forever. All I expect from her is to show up and wear the attire I have for her. She asks me if there is anything she can help with, but honestly, I don't want help with my planning from anyone but my FH and my mom. Heck, I don't even really want anyone elses opinions on what I'm doing planning wise. It's mine and my FH's wedding, not theirs.

Pick the person you want there the most, or pick both! You have plenty of time for planning that you probably won't really need much help anyway. The whole reason I started as early as I did (besides the area I live in you have to book way in advance) is because I'm super detail oriented, so it's just easier this way :P

missowens · June 2010

Thanks for all the good advice. I know it's early, but at the same time I like to plan ahead and gather ideas.

kdwhitley · July 2010

Is one married? That is how I did it. My sister is my Maid of honor and my best friend is my Matron of honor. My sister will still give me the rings and stuff but I felt it appropriate since my best friend was helping more to honor her. And NO ONE EVER SAID YOU JUST HAD TO HAVE THE ONE MOH. unless you want to really stick to tradition.

Sister or Good Friend?

Re: Sister or Good Friend?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards