Is this a faux pas?

b3cca21 · July 2010

We are considering renting a beach house for a week and having the ceremony on the beach, with the reception at the house/around the pool. The kicker is, we really want our friends and family around for the week and are considering a house that has 23 bedrooms (this would be off-season of course so that it's not a bad price) but is it a fuax pas to ask the guests that choose to stay at the house to pay? There are no hotels within 25-30 miles of the beach house, so it really would be easier for everyone to stay at the house.

Any thoughts on how you'd feel about this as a guest (it would be an out of state wedding for all guests that are invited)?

Thanks!!

danieliza1127 · July 2010

There's nothing wrong with asking if they would be interested in doing that, but you have to be prepared that some may say no thanks.

J&K10910 · July 2010

No, I don't think so. I'd expect to pay for my accomodations. I'd word it on your website or accomodations card as "We have a rented a house on the beach for our ceremony and reception. The house has 23 bedrooms available if you'd like to stay on the property. For those of you who choose to stay in the house, rooms will be $XX. Also available are XX hotel and XX hotel in (town's name)."

mypalbabs · July 2010

So your guests would cut a check to you for their lodging? Yes, that would feel weird.

Also, where is everyone else going to stay? I think some guests will get pissy when they find out some people were invited to stay in the beach house and others were not. It would be one thing if you were just putting up the bridal party... but 23 rooms is a lot of folks.

nda_roxybabe · July 2010

how much is it pp?

shoegal715 · July 2010

It's not weird, but I would not stay for a week if I was a guest. I might stay for a night - or two. Depending on the price pp, if it's too expensive, I would grab my own hotel in the area.

sarah0725 · July 2010

If it were something I could afford, and would save me money compared to a hotel, I would probably be up for it. I'm into those kinds of communal family celebrations - definitely a lot of fun.

Would the house accommodate your entire guest list? Also, how much would it be per room?

Sing2phins · July 2010

Will the 23 rooms accommodate everyone invited, including the WP? Or will it be first-come, first served?

PharmacyBride · July 2010

I would be more worried about taking the time off work. I think it is okay to ask.. but not okay to expect people to give up an entire week.

Not only is it difficult to give up work for an entire week, but being on vacation is expensive.. dinners.. drinks.. etc. It all adds up and may be too much for people. Also keep in mind, people may want to save their week vacation for their own personal trip.

As I said, it is okay to ask. If people want to go.. they will. As long as they don't feel obligated to say yes.

I think it sounds like a fun idea.. I hope everything works out.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

I would just pay for it myself and chalk it up as a wedding expense - maybe cut it down to 4 or 5 days if it's really too much. And only if the house will accomodate all your wedding guests. If not, I'd just rent a smaller house for immediate family/wedding party and have guests find their own lodging.

waltzingmatilda13 · July 2010

You have to understand that not everyone is going to want to be there for the entire week. Can you or your family afford to foot the bill for the rest of the time when they house is not full?

And I agree with PP, are you asking the entire guests list to stay there or just select people, because I would probably be hurt to find out I was excluded.

mica178 · July 2010

If you can't fit all your guests, maybe just OOT family and WP? If you can afford it, I'd probably comp the rooms or tell them they don't need to stay there if you do want them to pay (sort of like day-of wedding hair -- if you require professional hair/make-up, you need to pay for it).

katiepoppy · July 2010

Does each room have its own bathroom? I know this would be a deciding factor for me... If each room does, I certainly would want to stay there and would definitely pay!

Knittibell · July 2010

The question I have is the whole "no other accomodation for 30 miles" bit-

Is the house large enough to hold everyone who will attend? If not, I'd suggest another hotel and then pay for a shuttle bus so people don't have to drive. It's not a faux pas to ask if people want to come stay for a week and let them know the price per bedroom to stay-

it is kind of strange to only have on-site accommodation for SOME of the guests, when the wedding is in the middle of nowhere. Do you know what I mean?

Sing2phins · July 2010

OP, hello? Are you there? We need more information, please!

b3cca21 · July 2010

The house will accommodate all guests and wedding party. This is going to be a smaller wedding and reception with only family and close friends, and it will be a destination wedding - very intimate and laid back. The price per *room* would be about $250 for the week, or $40/night.

Thanks to everyone for their insight and feedback!! I greatly appreciate it! It's definitely helping me make that decision based on different points of view.

b3cca21 · July 2010

They could cut the check the rental property manager, it wouldn't have to be cut to us personally. Good point :-)

Everyone invited would be able to stay at the rental house. It is a small, intimate wedding.

Thanks!!

b3cca21 · July 2010

Also, the house has about 20 master bedrooms...it was built for events such as weddings, reunions, corporate retreats, etc. The rooms that do not have private baths are bunks for any children that would be attending.

Thanks!

sarah0725 · July 2010

That is a very reasonable price, and I would certainly pay it for a week of good company. Your wedding sounds fun!

brookelynpaisley · July 2010

You have to be prepared for guests to decline, as you're essentially dictating their vacation for them. If they do decide to come for the week, you can't dictate that they stay there. You can say "we're renting a house on the beach with plenty of room for $x for the week/$x per night. You need to be prepared for the fact that the beach house is going to be your expense if no one chooses to stay there.

I personally would opt out and just come for the weekend of the wedding.

b3cca21 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-faux-pas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:642febaa-609b-433c-857f-6e527d750ef1Post:ec7d7a87-7352-476e-bc4b-410d908f1ab8">Re: Is this a faux pas?</a>:
[QUOTE]You have to be prepared for guests to decline, as you're essentially dictating their vacation for them. If they do decide to come for the week, you can't dictate that they stay there. You can say "we're renting a house on the beach with plenty of room for $x for the week/$x per night. You need to be prepared for the fact that the beach house is going to be your expense if no one chooses to stay there. I personally would opt out and just come for the weekend of the wedding.
Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

I understand that some are going to decline and maybe even only come down for the evening of the wedding, which is fine; that's their choice. I was in no way going to dictate that everyone stay there as that is not in my nature. And if they'd prefer to stay in the hotel 30 miles up the road, that's fine, too. I was just trying to get a feel for how people felt about that option and if it was a faux pas to ask for money or have them pay the rental property manager to stay. Since it is so small and most are our closest friends and family, we think most everyone will stay, but kept going back to the queston of whether or not it would be awkward to offer that to the guests or not because of them having to pay, but it's a lot cheaper than a hotel, that's for sure :-)

Thanks for your input!

Knittibell · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-faux-pas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:642febaa-609b-433c-857f-6e527d750ef1Post:1caa6b1a-d9a8-4d07-a8d9-40579a6652dd">Re: Is this a faux pas?</a>:
[QUOTE]The house will accommodate all guests and wedding party. This is going to be a smaller wedding and reception with only family and close friends, and it will be a destination wedding - very intimate and laid back. The price per *room* would be about $250 for the week, or $40/night. Thanks to everyone for their insight and feedback!! I greatly appreciate it! It's definitely helping me make that decision based on different points of view.
Posted by b3cca21[/QUOTE]

Ok, given all that, then I say GO FOR IT! Have them cut checks to the property manager, and have whoever can come, come and stay for as long as they can. It sounds fab to me. Just be prepared to eat the cost if a lot of people only come for the weekend, but I bet many will make a vacation out of it!

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