Alternative to writing own vows

stephkeating · January 2012

We are looking for ideas as an alternative to writing and reading our own vows. For example, our friends wrote a list of "I love you because"'s and the officiant read each ones list for them during the ceremony. We don't want to steal their cute idea but want to do something similar.... Ideas?!

tldh · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_alternative-writing-own-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:54c77b88-6a81-4512-8035-73e9389f2c3dPost:ba9bfa47-0cd0-438c-8070-48c950ab5954">Alternative to writing own vows</a>:
[QUOTE]We are looking for ideas as an alternative to writing and reading our own vows. For example, our friends wrote a list of "I love you because"'s and the officiant read each ones list for them during the ceremony. We don't want to steal their cute idea but want to do something similar.... Ideas?! :)
Posted by stephkeating[/QUOTE]

A list of I Love Yous don't promise a single thing. It may be sweet but, as unromantic as it sounds, vows are the terms of a marriage contract that you each promise to keep.

A list of "I love you for making me homemade cookies. I love you for keeping me stocked on hair product. I love you for making me laugh...etc." doesn't say nearly as much as "I promise I will be with you for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health...etc."

Kacin+Daniel · January 2012

My FI and I are in the same boat. This is our solution...

We don't want something as free-form as reading from a piece of notebook paper "Baby, ever since I first met you and you were wearing those green converses, I knew I couldn't live without you..." but we want something a bit more personal than "I, Fred the Groom, take you Ginger the Bride, to be my lawfully wedded wife" and all the promises thereafter.

So what we are planning to do is confer with our officiant to come up with our own "vow" that will be specific to us as a couple and the virtues we deem important to our marriage. It will be our own composition, but we will both agree to it, and we will both say the same words at the ceremony. For example,

"Fred, I will always stand by you, without question or hesitation, no matter the cost. I will always be honest and true, for you are my strength and my happiness. Today I pledge my faith in our love. And it is with great joy that I bind myself to you, my husband, my partner, my friend, forever."

If you decide to go this route, speak first with your FI and deide what virtues you both expect in your upcoming marriage and your commitment to each other, then find a way to incorporate those things into the vow. Your officiant can help you polish the rough edges, and then you have your own personalized yet respectable wedding vows. Hope this helps!

TiffannieF · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_alternative-writing-own-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:54c77b88-6a81-4512-8035-73e9389f2c3dPost:f1f54f15-0f26-4378-9236-5580f3903f69">Re: Alternative to writing own vows</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Alternative to writing own vows : A list of I Love Yous don't promise a single thing. It may be sweet but, as unromantic as it sounds, vows are the terms of a marriage contract that you each promise to keep. A list of "I love you for making me homemade cookies. I love you for keeping me stocked on hair product. I love you for making me laugh...etc." doesn't say nearly as much as "I promise I will be with you for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health...etc."
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

Oh God, seriously!!! Confessing or explaining each others love is in no shape way or form a vow. Save it for a speech at the reception or something. As a matter of fact, our pastor informed us that he does not allow personal vows to be written. He did however, semi personalize our vows by adding "I promise to stay off of my iPhone" for me and for him he added "I promise never to put hockey before you.". It wasn't planned, he just added it during the ceremony (these were issues we had talked about in our premarital counseling).

Consider writing a poem for each other and put it in the program or maybe on a sign at the reception.

[Deleted User] · January 2012

I knew I wouldn't have this specific problem because my FI would never want to write his own vows. Not because he can't put his feelings into words, but because he's too private for that. So as a way to share our personal thoughts that day we plan to exchange letters before the ceremony that contain our more personal thoughts.

But if it is your goal to share these thoughts with your guests, maybe you could save it for a speech at the reception, or write it into your program, and still say at least some version of traditional vows. That said, you certainly have a right to whatever method of expression you feel fits you best, so I say talk it over with your FI and officiant.

An option for sharing your "I love you because..." lists could be a take on this idea I've seen floating around Pinterest .

aragx6 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_alternative-writing-own-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:54c77b88-6a81-4512-8035-73e9389f2c3dPost:3e8cfbaf-4045-4a7b-9a72-a83cef0cdf97">Re: Alternative to writing own vows</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I are in the same boat. This is our solution... We don't want something as free-form as reading from a piece of notebook paper "Baby, ever since I first met you and you were wearing those green converses, I knew I couldn't live without you..." but we want something a bit more personal than "I, Fred the Groom, take you Ginger the Bride, to be my lawfully wedded wife" and all the promises thereafter. So what we are planning to do is confer with our officiant to come up with our own "vow" that will be specific to us as a couple and the virtues we deem important to our marriage. It will be our own composition, but we will both agree to it, and we will both say the same words at the ceremony. For example, "Fred, I will always stand by you, without question or hesitation, no matter the cost. I will always be honest and true, for you are my strength and my happiness. Today I pledge my faith in our love. And it is with great joy that I bind myself to you, my husband, my partner, my friend, forever." If you decide to go this route, speak first with your FI and deide what virtues you both expect in your upcoming marriage and your commitment to each other, then find a way to incorporate those things into the vow. Your officiant can help you polish the rough edges, and then you have your own personalized yet respectable wedding vows. Hope this helps!
Posted by Kacin+Daniel[/QUOTE]

I'm a big fan of this.

jmp2004 · January 2012

I found a really great site a couple weeks ago and can't find it to save my life now that had a whole bunch of selections for personalizing your ceremony without turning it into something ridiculous.

Here, http://weddings.about.com/cs/bridesandgrooms/a/vowwording.html, is a page that has a whole bunch of options. I haven't read through them all yet, but it looked moderately helpful.

toothpastechica · January 2012

What annoys me the most of "i love you for" type vows, is that if you are not ready to promise life why are you getting married??? Divorce is rampant in our society, and sometimes i wonder how much if it has to do with people not taking thier vows seriously, and loving people only as long as it benefits themselves or as long as things are easy.....Vows are meant to be promises of endurance and that divorce is not an easy out, but only acceptable in extream situations. If you are not ready to commit even if things come up that you didn't expect or are having a hard time dealing with, if you cant make those promises that you will be there when the going gets tough for you, your not ready to get married in my opinion. (Not judging people who get divorced but I do wonder about how many of those people got married before they were able to fully commit to another person)

We are tweeking traditional vows, but they are still mostly traditional vows, promises to eachother to honor, charish, respect, put eachother before ourselves till death vows.

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