BM and a Bridesmaid Leaving wedding early?

CharacterFan · July 2009

My fiance and I are in a wedding next March that's a "destination" wedding. It's being held about 3 hours from where we live. The wedding is on a Sunday around 2. The bride and groom are planning for the party to go until 10pm. We want to leave around 5pm so we can get home at a good hour and unwind a bit before work on Monday. We know of several of our friends who are guests that are planning on leaving early as well since they also have work on Monday, but the rest of the Bridal Party (who we don't know) are staying for the whole thing, since most are coming from more then 3 hours away. We haven't talked to our friends about it yet, because we don't think they'll take it very well. We're getting married on Labor Day at the Walt Disney Resort. They're using our wedding weekend and their honeymoon week so they're taking off the time to come and stay. But we're ending our festivities at 2pm for those that are catching flights home or want to drive home. Any thoughts on a good way to tell our friends would be great. Thank You

clseale13 · July 2009

Just tell them...but honestly, you're being rude. Yes, 8 hrs in a very long reception. But...you're a bridesmaid and your husband is the BEST MAN?! You need to stay until the end. I feel very sorry for your "friends" that having a few hours to unwind on your couch is more important than being there for their entire day. You should WANT to be there instead of sitting on your a$$. At the very least you should stay until 8 or so. There's no reason why you need to be home by 8.

RockChickPiXie · July 2009

I just have to play devils advocate here, everyone just assumes this woman has a boring office job or something that she can go to work on 2 hours of sleep and be fine for, maybe she(or her fiance for that matter) is a doctor, a nurse, or something else where you have to be very well rested because other peoples lives depend on you to be alert and oriented not hung over and tired as hell. On the other hand though since she is in the wedding party and I'm guessing knew about the wedding at least 6 months in advance there's really no excuse why she and her fiance didn't take off work for the monday after a sunday wedding.

lyndausvi · July 2009

maybe she(or her fiance for that matter) is a doctor, a nurse, or something else where you have to be very well rested I have to laugh at this because doctors and nurses are some of the least rested people I know. Especially if they are interns.

swim1011 · July 2009

My fiance and I had to leave his friend's wedding (and yes, FI was a groomsmen) early. We had a 6 hr drive home, and FI just started a new job and had no vacation or sicks days. And you know what? The bride and groom were fine with it, and completely understood. Just be honest, and I think you'll be alright.

banana468 · July 2009

There's a huge difference IMO between, "We can't stay because he has to be back for his new job," and "We WON'T stay because we want two hours of snuggle time before we go to bed."

Lenore2010 · February 2010

I think others are right in saying that you should stay. However, I have to ask why are your friends having a Sunday wedding when the drive is a three hour trek for most/many guests? Also, if they needed to do a Sunday wedding (lots of different reasons for that, I understand) why is it not ending by 5:00 or 6:00 PM?

Sunday weddings, like winter weddings seem to be practically unheard of in MN. I have only attended one in my life, and the reception ended at 5:00 PM.

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

FI and I are both usually in bed by about 7pm because of our jobs, but if we're hanging out with people and have to work the next day we might stay out as late as 9. Our friends are usually pretty understanding that his alarm goes off at 2 and mine goes off at 4, so they've never made a big deal about it. But if it's a really special occasion (for instance, my good friend is moving to Kansas, we're having drinks after work today because it's her last day), we'll probably just go short on sleep for one day.

Our best man might have to leave the reception early, because apparently he has work the next day and it's a six hour drive back. It kind of sucks, but they have to earn a living, and ultimately it's not that big a deal.

emilyinchile · February 2010

Just tell them. As a bride, I'd be disappointed, but I'd understand that you had to work. Honestly, if you can stay past 5 that would be great - I don't know what time you usually go to bed, but if it's a 3 hour drive I might be more undersanding if you stayed til 6 and got home at 9. For me getting home at 8 means I'd have 3 hours at home to just relax, when I could have been at my friend's wedding, but if you go to bed earlier then that's understandable.

megandjay · February 2010

I would try to stay a little later than 5pm, maybe 7pm? They should understand when they planned a Sunday night wedding that people might have to leave early because of work the next day.

I guess it depends on how close you are to them. I am the MOH for my friend who is getting married on a Sunday night this May, I already asked for the Monday off. But I am traveling from 5 hours away.

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

This is weird. Is this post really from July?

I'd stay until around 8.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

I don't think it's rude to leave a wedding early if you're in the WP. As far as I'm concerned the WP is off duty once the photos and ceremony are over. After that they're honored guests and have the same freedom to leave as any other guest. The bride and groom are so busy they won't notice or care if they're a BM down.

banana468 · February 2010

Honestly, I do think it's rude to leave THAT early unless you're up at 4 for work.

Personally, I think when you agree to be in the WP, while you're "off" at the reception, it's kind of a crappy message to send to the bride and groom if you need to leave that early unless you have obligations that you can't get out of.

megandjay · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-bridesmaid-leaving-wedding-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:10312380Post:cc092f41-9e9f-4505-bd67-335fa5ea5d0d">Re: BM and a Bridesmaid Leaving wedding early?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is weird. Is this post really from July? I'd stay until around 8.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

I didn't even notice that this post was from July...

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

I only did because I sort of remember it. I think it was posted somewhere else too, and we had a whole conversation about the 8 hour reception.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

While I agree leaving at 5 is early, I think an 8 hour reception is asking a lot of your WP, especially if they live 3 hours OOT. It's one thing if it's a weekend but on a Sunday night? I kind of side with the WP on this.

I get the sense that the OP is a bit frustrated w/ the bride and groom for being too demanding, especially the comment that the bride will not take it well if she has to leave early. And if you have an 8 hour reception you already have a pretty inflated sense of what your wedding means to other people.

banana468 · February 2010

I don't know that it's an 8 hour reception though. I was married at 2 PM and the reception started at 4 (no there wasn't a gap). The reception did go until 10 but if someone left at 5, that would have been before even the dinner was served.

emilyinchile · February 2010

Woah, you're right. I just switched my view to show the threads that have gotten replies most recently at the top, and since Lenore replied it showed up. I was wondering why the first responses were people I've never or rarely seen on here!

aerinpegadrak · February 2010

Yeah, I've seen some really old threads pop up with the new format, because some people have the weird habit of responding to threads that are months old. I didn't even notice the date until MNIN mentioned it.

Lenore2010 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-bridesmaid-leaving-wedding-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:10312380Post:3e9fb321-a818-4056-9a2c-9d2a08d5be6f">Re: BM and a Bridesmaid Leaving wedding early?</a>:
[QUOTE]Woah, you're right. I just switched my view to show the threads that have gotten replies most recently at the top, and since Lenore replied it showed up. I was wondering why the first responses were people I've never or rarely seen on here!
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

My bad-I did not notice the date either.

BM and a Bridesmaid Leaving wedding early?

Re: BM and a Bridesmaid Leaving wedding early?

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