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I hate our engagement photos...

We had our engagement photos done about 2 months ago. The photographer we went with was my second choice because the one I really wanted got booked for our date. My mom paid for it so I didn't make fuss over anything and just went along with who she suggested. She seemed nice and her stuff was ok - not as artistic as I would have liked but not poor by any means.

So we show up to have our photos taken and I am immediatly turned off because she keeps telling me repeatedly to suck my stomach in. I let it go because I figured she wanted the pictures to look good but after the 8 or 9th time I just wanted to cry to be honest. I thought I looked cute that day...

Not only did she keep telling me to suck in my stomach, but she kept fiddling with my hair and clothes. This really would have been fine except that she kept giving me this weird look like I had picked something totally not appropriate (I had on a nice shirt and a sweater) and I felt slightly humiliated.

By the end of the shoot I was really ready to have a good cry and go home. We did not feel comfortable during the shoot and I generally felt like an improperly dressed cow.

It was worse when the photos came out. The photos were from crazy angles that looked silly and disproportionate. She had fiddled with my hair so much that the curl came out halfway through and in some pictures it looks like I have a massive cowlick from where she kept trying to toss pieces over my head(?). I'm so upset. I didn't even order any of them. My mother ordered one to put in the newspaper, God help me, but that was it.

The photographer emailed me today to talk about the ceremony and formals and got the time and location of our ceremony completely wrong. I am not very picky and have let a lot of things that I wanted for the wedding go because of cost and budget. This is the only thing that I really wanted to turn out nicely because I wanted to have some beautiful photos of us and our big day.

The engagement photos were almost 2 months ago and I can't even look at them without crying. I thought maybe I would get over it after a while but I am just as upset today as I was during the shoot. I know I won't be comfortable with her taking photos during the wedding and I have no confidence that they will turn out well....

I just don't know what to do. I know we will have to stick with her because we signed a contract but I have considered paying out of pocket for another engagement shoot with my original first-choice photographer...any thoughts? I know this was longwinded and mostly just a rant but I am still incredibly upset :-(
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Re: I hate our engagement photos...

  • edited December 2011
    i can't believe the suck in your stomach part...wow. that is just rude. when are you getting married? you may be able to get out of the contract.

  • edited December 2011
    Thats horrible I'm so sorry you went through that. I would def try to get out of the contract or if you cant maybe ask for a differnet person the day of the wedding. You can tell them you just didnt click with the photographer who did the engagement pics
  • TeepTeep member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    She does sound terribly rude. I would look on craigslist for a student (or a friend) looking to get into photopgraphy to come to the wedding as well, you can tell them the situtation and how uncomfortable you feel with her. Then on the wedding day you can tell her that your "friend" offered to take some pictures as well. Hopefully you could get some good ones between the two of them. Good luck! Hope it works out for you.
  • edited December 2011
    I feel like I need to stick up for the photographer just a tiny bit.  Sucking in your stomach is important when you're having photos taken, no matter what your body type.  Cameras add the appearance of extra weight, for one thing.  Plus, when you suck in your stomach, it makes you stand up straighter and lift your chest, which all lends itself to better photos.

    Also, shirts get bunched up, wrinkled, etc. and hair flies everywhere, so those need frequent fixing.  The photographer is supposed to notice these things!  Think about it--if you'd gotten the photos back and you were slouching or your shirt was bunched up at your waist, you probably would have been just as upset.  Her fixing these things doesn't mean that you weren't dressed cute, nor does it mean that you're "a cow."

    That said, it sounds like her "bedside manner" could use some work, because you shouldn't have gotten that upset if she was being nice about it.  Also, bad photos happen (hair sticking up, etc.), but she should have a) deleted that photo so that you never even saw it, or b) edited it out.

    As I see it, you have two options:

    1.  Ask for a reshoot.  Tell your photographer that you aren't happy with the photos.  Be honest without being accusatory.  Tell her the angles/poses aren't quite what you had in mind, that you think your hair got touched a bit too much and wasn't cooperating, that you don't think the photos are flattering to your figure, etc.  A good photographer will absorb the feedback graciously and want to work with you and make you happy.

    2.  Get out of the contract.  If you really think that it just won't work and you will be stressed out on your big day because you will be worrying about your photos, then it is simply not worth it.  Pay your photographer for the work that she has done, but tell her that this just isn't what you had in mind.  If your contract doesn't have a cancellation clause or she isn't going to let you get off easy, ask if you can use her services for a different shoot, such as a trash the dress or portraits. Don't put off this option if it's what you choose--that way you can move on and get a new photographer and she can hopefully find another client to fill your date.

    It's not an easy situation to be in, but remember that this is one of the biggest days of your life and you should be happy and relaxed.

    No matter which scenario you choose, bring example photos with you to your reshoot so that your photographer knows exactly the type of thing that you are going for, and don't be afraid to tell someone not to touch you.  Feel free to make a joke about always being asked to suck it in, or tell her that you'd rather be told to stand up straight so that you don't feel like a cow.

    Good luck!

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  • erolliserollis member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    A little bit of adjustment of a shirt or if hair is in your face. It sounds like the photographer went overboard and was rude. Definetly request another photographer if their is more then one. You can also see if you can get out of the contract and find someone new. Definetly let them know what is going on. It will hopefully help them improve.
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  • edited December 2011
    Raspberry, asking someone to pull your shoulders back is one thing.  "Suck in your stomach" (repeatedly) is unacceptable.  There are so many better ways to suggest the same thing -- inhale...shoulders back...reach tall...etc.

    But let's ignore the rudeness for a second...you still hate the photos.  If you don't like her finished products AND have negative feelings for her, having her shoot your wedding will be a disaster.  It sounds like you have room in your budget to hire someone else.  Do it and do not look back.

    As for the current photographer, I would talk to her calmly (without tears!) about how the photos and experience did not work for you.  Raspberry has some good points in #2 above.
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  • jusayangejusayange member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you don't feel comfortable with your photographer you should definitely drop her and find someone else.  The sooner the better.  Depending on the contract, you may not be able to refund your retainer fee which is usually used to reserve your wedding date.

    I would not recommend finding a student photographer and telling the primary photographer that your 'friend' is taking photos.  They will only make things complicated and will probably backfire on you.

    I have shot a wedding for a couple who dropped their first photographer so you should be fine depending on how close you are to your wedding day.
  • edited December 2011
    Another option may be to sit down with both your photographer and your mom. If you didn't get any pictures and you mom only got one, that indicates a problem in itself. First discuss this with you mom (since she is paying for it) and then discuss in a group. Your pictures are what you have from that day so do not settle. You didn't settle for your FI so why settle for the pictures of y'all's most important day. Just be honest, take deep breaths in the discussion when you feel upset, and find a solution that you are happy with. BBB in only extreme cases. I hate that you went through this. Best wishes in going forward!
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the tips - I contacted another photographer that I LOVED (but was booked for our wedding date) about doing a 'portrait' shoot with her i.e. a re-do of our engagement session. We are getting married in September so I am not sure it is far enough out to drop the first photographer but I figure if I can get some nice bridal portraits and a new engagement session with the other photographer then it might ease my mind. Even if the wedding day pictures unnerve me at least I would know that I had some lovely photos of the two of us done by this other photographer.

    Unfortunately it is just a one-woman business so I am not able to just request a different photographer from the same company. I wish that was the case - it would make this a lot easier! I may sit down with my mom when I see her this weekend and bounce these things off of her for her thoughts. She may not like them much either but she is a little bit prideful and would hate to admit that she hooked me up with a not-so-fantastic photographer. We will see. Hopefully we an make it work.
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  • krosebrockkrosebrock member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm a photographer and let me say it is NEVER ok to say things like 'suck in your stomach' to a client. Never never never. Cameras do NOT add pounds, it all depends on the photographer's skill in how they shoot you. If the person is BBW then, yes, she will not look stick thin in her photos but skilled photogs know how to shoot to minimize that and play up your best features. It is also never ok to touch a client without permission. What an awful experience!

    Some options might be to request a second shooter (which you may have to pay more for) to shoot along side your primary photographer, if you can't get out of the contract. Though I suspect you probably can get out it, but I doubt you'll get any money back.

    I think you should have a candid discussion with your photog about why you are no longer interested in her services. Not only will this make you feel better because she'll know how much she upset you (assuming you can do this in a calm manner) but she'll understand why you don't want her to photograph your wedding.
  • eck036eck036 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you do go forward with your plan of keeping this (really rude and unprofessional) photographer for your wedding day, please have a discussion with her about what you did not like about the engagement shoot!  If she thinks funky angles are amazing, and you do not, she needs to know! Don't be quiet and let the same result happen again.
  • edited December 2011
    My advice is to get another photographer. Seriously. It's one thing to hate engagement photos that can be redone, it's an entirely different thing to already know you're going to hate your wedding photos. You'll be uncomfortable the whole day and it'll show on your face. You want to have photos that will help you look back and remember your day fondly, not remember how uncomfortable your photographer made you feel. If there's one thing you shouldn't just "suck it up" about it's your photographer! On another note, I wouldn't take the advice of a previous poster about finding a student photographer to come on the day of the wedding. Most photographers don't allow this in their contracts and it might cause you a lot more problems.
  • edited December 2011
    Where are you located?
  • HandBananaHandBanana member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That is just horrible.  The photographer was the most important thing for me (far more iimportant than the dress.)  I can only imagine how upset you are.

    I'm going to put a positive spin on this....  aren't you glad you had e photos done?  Can you imagine getting the wedding photos back from this photographer? Now you have an opportunity to correct it before the big day.

    Another suggestion.... I didn't end up doing this because I didn't follow through with it but...  have you thought of checking craigslist for photojournalism/photography students who need to build their portfolio?  I found several that were willing to travel to my wedding, take photos, and give me all rights in exchange for their plate.  This could be a back up if it isn't in your budget to break your contract and find a new photographer.

    Good luck!  I hope everything works out.
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh please do ask for a reshoot. I would try to explain your situation to the photographer as nicely as possible. The goal is for you to be happy, right? They should want to help you achieve that! Please do keep in mind some photographers are very hands on to get you to look your best and it is a good thing, but should not be done in a negative way. You might consider telling your photographer that you would rather do natural unposed pictures... then just talk, laugh, and kiss each other and see what photos she gets from that.
    http://www.jennamichelephotography.com Destination Wedding Photographer
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